Da big snow

I have been busy shoveling snow. I have a large driveway and front walkway, and I don't have power equipment.
My aluminum shovels are worn out, and I have a very old steel scoop shovel.
I still get the job done. I have some neighbors who help out from time to time. One came by during the first storm and dragged my driveway with his plow. I was able to finish the job after that.
Another came by twice and helped me with his power shovel. It's a Toro one stage that can handle up to 6 inches of snow. Since we are dealing with up to 4 feet, I had to knock it down first. It was fun because I've been cooped up all winter and haven't gotten much of a workout.
There is still snow on the driveway, and I have to get the ice off the walkway, but it is passable.
I'll keep working on it.
My wife went into the hospital on Monday afternoon from complications from her chemotherapy. This is tough on me because I hate to see her like this.
I have been taking care of the house for quite some time, and I'm glad we don't have the kids at home anymore, just the damn cat. I hate cats! :)>
I have been off work since the snow started, so I could pace myself and work whenever I wanted. The storm was so bad that I couldn't get out to see my wife because they closed the city down. She is enjoying her solitude, however, and can call me whenever she wants.
This is a really strange time. I don't ever recall feeling quite like this.
Life is still good, but strange!

Sunny and 12!

Friday afternoon, began the storm of the century, according to the government run, main stream media. Even though there were many other storms like this one in the past century, this one happened to fall in 2010, making it the big one.
I was able to pick up my school kids before it started, thanks to the very nice powers that be at the school district I work for. So, we beat the traffic, the snow, and got home early on a Friday. A triple play!
The snow started around 3pm. which was about three hours before they said it would start. It was light at first, and then picked up around 9 pm.
When it was over Saturday afternoon around 2pm, we received around 18-24 inches. Not bad! We had not had a big storm for about 5 years or more as far as I can remember. So, this was a real test for my new thinner body.
The snow was over my knees when I tried to tackle it. I dug around from the top of the driveway downward, and I managed to make a fairly large circular hole about 10 feet across. The school bus was still buried and if I had driven the CR-V through, the snow would have come up to just below the window. So, I knew I had my work cut out for me.
In the meantime, I have a neighbor across the street who has a snow blower and wouldn't help a drowning man. Another neighbor has a Dodge Ram with a full plow on it. He was heading out to make some money, so he passed me by. And still another who has a John Deere Tractor with a snow blower on the front who for some reason didn't stop either. He usually does, and I send some money his way when I can. But, not today.
I knew it was way too much for me to do by myself, so I decided to tackle the sidewalk in the front of the house first, just in case I ran out of steam and couldn't finish.
I managed to finish the sidewalk, and then went inside to cool down and regroup. I did manage to finish the driveway last night with the help of a friend who dropped by with his electric shovel.
So now, the neighborhood is buried under the snow, but the driveways are cleared, as well as the sidewalks. The plows did a half decent job on the roads, but everything is closed anyway. Go figure. All that work for nothing.

Another Tuesday

As I sit here trying to get motivated.
As I sit here drinking my protein/Dunkin Donuts decaf coffee with no sugar.

I wonder why I did this thing.

So, I will go back and read what I wrote.
How positive I was about the future.
How amazed I was at being able to tie my shoes.
How I could fit into a restaurant booth again.
How I could throw all my pills away.
How I could go out for a walk, do the dishes, vacuum, start a batch of chili, and go to work, all in one day.
How I could spend the day with my grand kids and not be dead tired the next day.
How I can lay on the floor of the garage on a piece of cardboard and work on my car or Helix and not get dizzy or nauseous.
How I can go without a meal and still be able to function.
How I can get hungry, and still eat a sensible meal instead of just jamming stuff down my throat.
How I can sit up in bed without rocking or planning.
How I feel so much better.
How I have a more positive outlook on life, a lot more of the time.
How I know I will come out of any gray day and not feel like killing myself.
How I have so much more patience with people now.
How I can stand up for an hour or more and be able to stand up for an hour or more!

Oh yeah, now I remember why I did this thing.

Life is good.

What I can do.

I spent Saturday on my school bus with a wrestling team. We went to the Lebanon area.
We left the school at 5:30am sharp, and returned at 7:15pm. Not so sharp.
I spent much of the day on the bus freezing my butt off. The outside temp was somewhere near 12 to 15 degrees the whole day.
The bus only gets warm when it's running down the road. If it is sitting, it cools down until there is no heat at all. We can't run the bus while it's sitting anyway, so I froze.
I took one short trip to the Sheetz to get coffee, and spent much of the day inside the gym watching the wrestlers.
The crowd was loud and there were kids running up and down the bleacher all the time I was there. People would walk right out in front of the stands so you couldn't see. It was a real mess.
But the worst part: The bathrooms.
They only had one men's room, and one ladies room for over 500 people! Can you imagine what that place was like by the end of the day? One of the toilet seats was broken off, and the floors were wet and sticky after the first hour. There was water on the floor as well as paper towels, and other stuff I won't describe.
The reasoning behind it is so the janitor will only have the one bathroom to clean at the end of the night.
So, I spent 14 hours from start to finish with the school bus. This was on Saturday, by the way.

On Sunday, my wife and I went to see our grand kids and of course the son in law and daughter.
I took Lilly to the Arundel Mills mall and walked her until she fell asleep. I bought her a hot dog and orange juice (her choice), and we visited many stores in addition to following the trail all the way around. I saw the place through her eyes and was very pleased.
When we got back, I got to play with Jackson for a bit before we headed back home. We stopped at Bob Evans where I got a potato crusted Flounder with Mixed Veggies and a baked potato. I left a lot of it on the plate, but was well satisfied and very full on the way home.
My wife enjoyed the day getting out of the house and out of the neighborhood in general. It snowed yesterday down South, but we didn't get anything here in Central PA.

I can't believe I did all this and am tired, but able to function.

Work I couldn't do before WLS!

I finished assembling the Helix last night. We had a few warm days, so my fingers would work. I didn't clean the bike, I just put on some new panels.

• The wheel covers
• The side farings
• The windshield cover strip.

They are all now chrome! Or at least chrome colored plastic.
The old pieces were getting brittle and the bike needed a bit of bling.
Now, excuse me, I'm gonna go take a ride before the cold weather comes back.

Blood test result for 18 months

My Body Mass Index is 32.66!
I am officially 208 pounds, from a starting weight of 305.
I gained a pound or two from the previous weigh in 6 months ago.
All of my blood test results were good, with a very few exceptions that aren't of any serious consequence.
I got a gold star from my Dietitian for following my diet, and taking my vitamins.
I am proud of her for helping me to stay on track.
I won't go into more detail than that. I have the results from the 13 tubes of blood written down, so if you're interested in anything specific, let me know and I'll send you that info.
I'm told that my next year will be the killer. Gee, I thought every 6 months was a killer!
They tell me now that my intestine is adjusting to my new stomach and will learn to adapt, causing me to gain a few pounds because the whole system is becoming more efficient. So, I have to watch out for that and not get discouraged, and not let it win.
I can do that.....

Blood

I donated 13 tubes of blood to keep some technician employed this past week.
I will get results from the tests on the 25th.
I already wrote about the Bariatric surgeon visit I think.
I also have had some great talks with a counselor and got some neat tips about what to expect over the next year or so.
It seems that the information is held back until I am ready for it. I usually like to get all of the information upfront, but I've found that I have a bit more patience recently, which is probably from my WLS.
I can bend more, and do more, and I'm not so worn out from when I was fat. That makes a real difference in how I deal with things now.
You should notice these changes as you progress through your WL.
I bought a loaf of Gluten free bread two days ago. It tastes horrible, but I had a craving for bread, and this fills that need. It is all natural, but doesn't use wheat as it's base. rather, it uses flax seed, and rice. It also has nuts and other stuff in it. It looks like bread, but doesn't even come close to tasting like it. The consistency is sort of slimy too, so I won't buy it again.
My craving has been satisfied with two slices. I will try some with peanut butter tomorrow. It will replace a meal. I can also put tuna on it. Since the slice is much smaller than a regular piece of bread, it will fill me up nicely.

My scooter

Damn, I'm talking about my scooter again.
The last time I had someone on the back of the scooter, our combined weight was more than the maximum weight allowed. I rode anyway.
Now, I can take someone on the back without breaking the laws of nature.
This past fall, I decided to take the panels off and paint them to refresh the look.
I changed my mind when my wife got sick, and it got too cold to work in the garage.
I took the "visors" off and one of them was brittle and broke apart. It was old and beyond repair. The visor is the leg fairing that is made of cloudy gray plastic. It is the last piece on the left and right side down by the legs. This allows the wind to travel around my legs, keeping me warm in colder weather. Fairing is a good thing because it allows you to go farther without getting as tired because you are fighting the wind.
I thought about it a long time, and finally decided to buy a new visor. I looked online and found an OEM (original equipment manufacturer) at an outrageous price for the small price. I also found the same parts made in China. They were chrome plated, and included several other parts to compliment the chrome look.
The combined price was only a few dollar more than the price for the single piece.
I checked on some of my favorite Honda Helix sites, and got good reviews on the Chinese parts, so I splurged and bought them.
Now, instead of repainting my scooter, I will just replace the parts when they come in and as long as it isn't snowing, or icy, I am going to go riding soon.
On a side note, I bought a drum machine for my music, and started to study the manual yesterday. 40 pages of information. Way too much for me to cover in one sitting, so I'm taking it slow.
I plan to learn how to use it, and add it to my guitar and voice, and go out and play again. I don't know if I can do it, but I'm heading that way.
I listed some of my music equipment for sale, but didn't get any nibbles. I was hoping to sell some in order to buy other stuff, but I guess it's not to be yet.
I have a mower, and 4 wheels from my Honda CR-V up for sale too, but also, the season is slow, so I will wait until spring.

Garbonzo beans!

They have more than one name. They are also called Chickpeas.
I don't know why, nor do I want to ruin my appetite for them by finding out. If you know the answer to the question, keep it to yourself. Better yet, consider it a rhetorical question.
So, what can I do with them?
I bought them in dried form at the supermarket because my wife mentioned using them for something, but I don't remember what.
I have had them for some time.
Bingo!
At the last WLS group meeting, someone brought them up. They were using them in Hummus.
What in the world is hummus?
I sure didn't know, but the name didn't conjure up any cravings, that's for sure.
It turns out that Hummus is pretty good. It also has many variations, but starts off using the same two basic ingredients:

1. Chickpeas/Garbonzo
2. Sesame seeds

It seems that you crush the seeds, and mix them with the chickpeas after they get crushed too. You add stuff to it that you like, such as peppers, olive oil, or whatever you like.
The prep work is fairly easy, but, you can buy the stuff already made.
I went to Weis and found at least a dozen different styles of the stuff.
I bought three of them to see if I liked it.
I got a can of it made in Israel. Some was made in Greece, and another I haven't found on the label yet.
I like the Greek the best so far because it is not sweet.
But again, you can add things to your taste.

I still haven't figured out how to eat it other than put it on crackers, but I will find other ways to enjoy it. It's a great healthy snack.
I also found a recipe on Larriane's blog that I might try. Luckily, it looks very hot and spicy, so my wife won't eat it!

Early dismissal

I have an early dismissal this morning which breaks up my day and makes the end of the day much sooner, so I thought I'd turn out a quick report here.
I went to see the Bariatric surgeon yesterday for my 18 month check up.
My guy is the one who looks at Obesity as a disease, and treats it as such.
We went through all the check points, pain, discomfort, any problems, vitals.
No real problems with the bariatric stuff. No dumping, discomfort, overfullness, etc.
He thinks I am doing fine for my situation. He is aware of my wife's condition, and offered comfort. I think I could use some more of that great pain med! No, wait, it's habit forming big time, and dangerous. Damn!
I gained one pound over the last time I was there, but he thinks that is fine.
I actually lost weight and then gained it back just recently.
I feel like I have a weight hanging down from my heart, and it's taking everything I have to hold it up.
My body is doing fine, but I am cheating a bit due to the stress. Comfort food?
I was down to 202, but just couldn't break the 200 barrier. I will do that in the next few months no matter what happens at home. Just watch me!
So, my official weight is 208, up from 207 6 months ago.
ArrrrRRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!
Life is good.

Labels

I would like to express my opinion on medical labels.
These are the names they give to people who behave in a certain way, or do thing differently than the "normal" folks.
Labels such as:

• A.D.D. - Attention deficit disorder
• A.D.H.D. - Same as above with the "H" standing for hyperactivity
• Bi-polar - Manic depressive. They have a million different labels for this one
• Asberger syndrome - now it is a part of a bigger label, which is....
• Autism - This is when you have a specific set of problems that doesn't allow you to fit into the general population.

There are other labels related to the above labels, such as O.D.D., which is an oppositional deficit disorder, but I will comment in general about all of the above listed labels in this thread.

In general, I used to think that a label was a good thing. Now, I am not so sure.
I read an article in the Sunday paper, yesterday. It spoke of Autism and Asberger's and how they were related. I was curious about the symptoms of the so-called diseases, so I read through to that point.
Well, the symptoms of the two are similar (according to the article), and they pretty much match me to a T.

• I don't like to have contact with people for the most part. I like my privacy.
• I don't like to communicate for the most part because I hate the process of socializing. It always seemed to me to be archaic, and just plain silly. It also required me to lie and make up things, and I certainly didn't like that.
• I have excelled in some things, and not in others. I have the ability to "hyper-focus" on things I am interested in, and totally ignore things that don't interest me.
• I hate sitting still, although now that I am older, I am a bit slower. I can sit still when I have to, but I don't like it.

There are other things that I noticed about myself, that match the things listed in the article, that I won't bother with here.
The point I am trying to make, is that I study people a lot instead of interacting with them. Yes, I am a ham onstage when I play guitar, sing, or M.C.. But, that is someone else up there, not me.
I would rather not interact in large groups of people. Too much incoming data to digest. I'm not happy in crowds. I don't like standing in line and will go out of my way to avoid doing that. I don't like being in a cattle call type of situation, such as everyone lining up to get a flu shot. I will avoid that at all costs.
Flying is OK, but the wait in the crowd and getting onto the plane is agony for me. Once I'm on, I can deal with it if I have something to do rather than sleep or stare into nothingness.
I like having a few close friends who know me and accept me for who I am. In that case, I enjoy long conversations of give and take. I can listen, or I can talk. I like that.
So with all that said, how am I different than others? I don't know anyone who enjoys standing in line, or being in a crowd pushing their way to go somewhere. I don't know anyone who enjoys losing their individuality by joining a Cattle call.
I am just one of those who expresses my feeling about not liking it. That allows some educated idiot to assign a label to me.
The article ended by telling the reader that they were going to eliminate Asberger's syndrome from the group of labels.
In other words, those of you who have been labeled with Asberger's, will have to find something else to blame for the fact that you are normal, and everyone else are just liars.
I'll bet that Asberger himself is happy that he will no longer be known for an offshoot of Autism, and might be considered just a good Doctor.
I think my A.D.D. is still safe for now. Otherwise, I might not have an excuse either!

Sunday

I didn't really want to do it, but I drove the school bus for a Sports run yesterday.
I left the garage around 6:20am, picked up the wrestling team at 6:45am, and got back to the garage about 6:30 that evening.
I spent the day talking with another driver who didn't recognize me. I had been fat when I last saw him. It took him awhile until he realized who he was talking to.

I took a short nap in the bus covered up with my down coat, but that was really short because of my sleep apnea. I kept waking up because I wasn't breathing. I thought that that would go away with the weight loss, but apparently not.
I also went inside the school and watched the wrestlers in order to warm up.
The school bus cools down quickly, and won't warm up unless it is being driven. So, even if we are sitting there with the engine running, it is still cold. The outside temperature was around 17 all day with a clear sky and lots of sun. The sun really didn't help because the wind was blowing hard. Walking from the bus to the school was torture, even with long johns, and a goose down coat.
I spent time driving down to the local Turkey Hill to get some cash and food (a small wrap) to supplement my peanut/cashew/raisin baggie. I also brought a protein bar and a shaker bottle of protein drink with me from home. It cooled down very nicely in the freezing bus.
I didn't think my feet would ever thaw!
When it came time to pick up the kids, I took the bus on a short drive down the road before I got them. That way the heater started to kick in. The bus warmed up after that.
So, I got 12 hours of work time added to my regular paycheck. I get another extra run in two weeks. This time, the trip will be longer, but the day will be shorter. They are only meeting with one team instead of 6. It's not a meet, in other words, just a match.
I started to write this morning, but realized that what is in my head will not come out easily. I am writing from my experience, and fighting with myself to write what I feel, and not cover up the emotions. It's tough because I have hidden my feelings away for so long now. It seems as if all I have left is anger.

I also started to list my stuff for sale in order to clean things up in my life. I think I spoke of that in a previous post. It's winter, and just after the holidays, so I'm not getting any nibbles even though the equipment is good and should be in demand.

I was trying to organize the small studio so I could set up my 6 foot table in order to do some work, but it turns out there is not enough room. So, I will have to relocate to the basement I think. It's still too cold, but I may just get around that by taking the space heaters down and spending the money to run them.

I guess I should mention that we had a great meeting the other night at support group. I learned a bit about food choices I hadn't known, and have to look up a few ideas.
The guest speaker was a plastic surgeon, but since I am not interested in having that done, I only half listened. The best part of the meeting was afterwards when we split into groups to talk. We are going to do that every month now, and may even have more than one meeting, so we have more time to discuss problems, tips and tricks.

Our Bariatric office is going to be selling vitamins and such directly starting in March, and it will be at their cost, so that will be a good thing. Our Dietitian likes to be on the cutting edge and is always showing us new things, so this should be great. I ordered my last vitamins and calcium online and they came through a bit crushed and crumbled. Hopefully, they will not be that way at the office.
My wife is still taking up most of my time, but she is getting stronger again and is not as much trouble. She will have one week off before she starts her next course of chemo, so I am hoping to get more "me" stuff done.

Oh, one more thing: I met someone at the meeting that I didn't recognize until they introduced themselves and told me where I knew them. I couldn't believe it, but it was the lady who was in the next room from me and had her surgery roughly the same time. You would never know that she was a Post! She looked great. She had makeup and hair done and could be a model. She not only looked good, but she was glowing and happy. I'm hoping that she contacts me on Facebook so we can catch up and compare notes. She told me that she reads the blog from time to time.

Me at 18 months!

I got this sweatshirt from my Dad and his second wife years ago. It is stretched out and worn out, but it's the only thing I have left from them. And, I like it!

I have the bluetooth in my ear because I forgot it was there. I had just gotten off the phone. I was sitting at my computer and realized I hadn't taken a picture in a few weeks. So, take it for what it's worth. I feel good!

On Monday, I go in for my 18 month appointment. I haven't gotten my bloodwork yet, but they told me that's OK.
I can't believe it's only been 18 months since I had the surgery.

Life and WLS

You can't let it win. You have to take control.
OK, I will try, but what do you do when you feel like your heart has been torn out?
I did a lot this week, but also spent a lot of time doing nothing but sitting with my wife.
That's OK. I did what I needed to do.
My wife is going to try to go to work tomorrow. I think she will make it. She is starting the slow climb back towards normalcy. But, she is no where near that point. She is pale, and exhausted. She is weak, and gets tired very quickly.
I took her out for several drives this week, and forced her to do some stuff around the house, but didn't push her too hard. She is still spending most of her time on the couch watching TV and sleeping.
Last night, I loaded my equipment and set up at the Community center at the park where I played music for two hours for the teens of East Petersburg. It was a small turnout because of the cold weather and short notice, but everyone there danced, and that included me. Lots of fun. It was very cold, but we survived.
I felt pretty good playing the music last night and had fun with the kids and adults there.
I proved to myself that I could do it. My back isn't too sore today. I unloaded the car as soon as I got home instead of letting it stay in the car all night.
Today, I took pictures of my PA system and put it up for sale. The link is here. It is a very good system and worth what I am listing it for. I am planning on replacing it with a lighter system that is powerful, and much easier to carry around. The cabinets I have now weigh 56 pounds each, and the case is almost 50 pounds. The replacements will be 35 pounds complete, and much more compact, thanks to new technology.
I decided not to get the Fishman Solo unit because I don't want to spend the money. I can pick up this new stuff cheaper and use the money from the sale of my system to cover it.

My basement is very cold this time of year. It is finished, but I don't have any heat down there unless I either open the vents, or carry the space heaters down. The vents keep a lot of the heat from coming upstairs causing my wife to complain about being cold. The space heaters are expensive to use.
However, I need to isolate myself a bit and get some "Me" time. Also, my exercise machines are down there. The treadmill, the Total Gym, and the free weights.
I am toying with the idea of taking my guitars and amps down as well.
I did want to take the Helix panels down when I got them off. They would be placed on the tables for painting and cleaning. I would drape the tables of course.
So, stay tuned to see if I can get anything finished, or even started. My ADD is fighting me tooth and nail. Who will win?
I will......

How about so far?

I have been chugging along, doing stuff, and feeling as if I'm not going anywhere.
But, I really am moving forward, and I like that.

"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans. "
John Lennon

Progress? (The opposite of Congress)

• I wanted to take my scooter apart. I started to do it, but it was too cold in the garage. I will take my space heater out there before the weekend is up and try some more. I took the screws out of one side (the lower side) and the small leg faring was cracked and brittle. It fell apart in my hands, so I have to replace that. OEM parts are expensive (that small plastic thing is $54.00!), and I don't have any disposable income to replace it right now. The scooter is held together with lots of screws and I am keeping them in a bag so I don't lose them.
• I wanted to write. I haven't written. I have been taking care of my wife and the house. Yesterday while she was having her 2nd dose of chemo (a 4 hour process), I came home, vacuumed, dusted, and moved furniture in the living room to make things easier. I also put away the two Christmas decorations (really neat little fiber optic trees) so the cat would have somewhere to sleep again. They were blocking her from getting into the window sill.
• I wanted to walk. I haven't walked, although I have gone out of my way at the health campus when I took my wife over. She wasn't happy because I made her walk with me. She wants to sleep and lay around and I won't allow that when I know she needs to move. I'm nasty that way.
• I wanted to play my guitar. I haven't done that. I have thought about giving it up altogether, but decided to wait on that. I hate waiting.

I did manage to book a gig this Saturday for my DJ business. It's a freebee for the local kids who are bored. I will be playing for 2 hours over at the community building in the park. The music has been filtered and picked out, so all I have to do is show up with my equipment and push play. Then, my hands will be free to cover my ears for two hours.

I also got many other things done that weren't on my list. Lots of thinking and reconsidering.

Another Lennon quote:
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.

The week after Christmas

Tomorrow, we are heading over to the Oncologist for standard blood work, and approval for round two of my wife's chemotherapy on Tuesday. I spoke of this before.

I would like to go visit my Parent's graves, but I guess I won't get there this week.

So, now is the time to look back and see what I did the past year. I think I am looking forward at this point. I just finished reading what I wrote and that's the way it seems. I hope you don't mind.

I went from a triple X to a Medium. No big deal, right?

I can tie my shoes now.

I can see and cut my toenails.

I can walk for miles and miles, and not just think about it.

I can do more than one thing per day.

I can cut grass with or without a self propelled Mower.

I can rake leaves everyday without being too tired or sore.

I can climb around over, under, around, and through my Helix. I can ride it too.

I can actually get on the elliptical machine and travel round and round for 20 minutes at a time.

I can lift weights, carry boxes, sort through stuff, and climb the stairs as many times as I need in one day, and do it again tomorrow.

I can shovel the driveway (14 inches of snow) everyday for a week. Yes, I got sore from this one. But, I didn't die, or even feel like I was dying.

I can eat when I want, and still lose weight. I can control my eating and not eat something I'm not supposed to eat without too much guilt.

I now have more discipline than I have ever had before that I can remember.

I can fit behind the wheel of a subcompact.

I can sit at a booth in a restaurant. I can sit at a table too.

I can refuse water or any drink with my meal. I can ask for a container without having to explain myself.

I can feel "normal" most of the time, instead of having to ask for special help.

I don't cringe when I hear of something more that I have to do. I can do a little more if I have to.

Wow!

In the next year:

• I will attempt to lose the last 50 pounds.

• I will try to run. 5 or 10 miles, mostly cross country, rather than on the road. I might like to try some extreme running, such as running along over rocks and hills.

• I will try to do something I haven't done before. I am still thinking about skydiving.

• I want to write at least one book out of 3 that I have in my head.

• I want to start my own business so I can make money when I want. I don't want to work for someone else anymore. That's something I have wanted to do most of my married life (34 years). I still would like to go into business with someone else, so we can support each other as we climb the ladder. I hate working alone.
• I either want to finish my home or move somewhere else. I need to redo most of the home now that I have it emptied out. I need a new kitchen and bathroom. I need to add another bathroom. I need to finish the porch, heat the garage, oh Hell, I need to redo the whole place. The house will be around for another 100 years or so. It might as well be updated. I welcome any help and donations can be made too!
• I want to play my guitar onstage until I am good again. I was good once. Maybe I can do it again?

I have so many more things I want to do in the future. Let's see where I am this time next year....

A slight caffeine departure

I made the mistake of making high test coffee instead of decaf this morning, so forgive me if I am suddenly coherent. I make more sense when I am on a caffeine high. My ADHD....

Hey Barry, whatever happened to macros? I would love to have a series of keystrokes recorded instead of having to do all this repetitive stuff all the time. Am I missing something?

The Christmas photo is someones idea of overkill for the holiday. They live on the other side of east Pete. You should see the helicopter on the left side of the house.

I spent the last week working with my wife to make sure she is comfortable. I had both sets of grand kids here over two days, but had to make sure they didn't jump on my wife.

I have to say that I am off my game. I gained just a few pounds because of my sedentary nature these past few days. I want to go out, but my wife takes my time right now.

I went out to the garage yesterday to take the scooter apart, but it was way too cold to work for long. The cold cuts me to the bone. I had thought about taking one of the little space heaters out there, but didn't. I got a good look at my Helix, and started to take the millions of screws off in order to remove the body panels.
This scooter probably has more weight due to screws, nut and bolts, than it does for the plastic panels that cover it. You can't imagine how ugly this bike is without panels! But whoever designed it really had no idea of how to be frugal. They put screws in where there was no need. The neat thing about it is, each panel fits together just right. There is no need for all the screws.

So, I decided to treat myself and order the lower panels online instead of just painting them. The plastic is a bit brittle and worn. One of the pieces broke apart in my hands yesterday. Looking at the picture, this is just about the lower panels for now. They are the ones colored black. The upper panels are worn too, but much more expensive to replace right now. They do have 3 choices for upper body panels:

1. White
2. Black
3. unfinished

I will go for the white panels. I always liked white. This will make the scooter look brand new again. The lower panels will all be black or gray, I'm not sure which.
The biggest worry I have is that the panels were made for the Chinese clone of the Helix. Those parts are usually way below standard quality. The unfinished parts require me to have some skill in painting, and even with the spray cans, I am not that good.

So, what does all this have to do with Bariatric?

Well, I'll let you figure that out until the end of this post, and then I'll answer the question.

During the week, I wanted to write, but was too brain tired to do it, so I just did housework and prepared myself for the onslaught of kids.

My wife got her "buzz" haircut yesterday. I must say it was shocking at first. I am now married to Kojak, or Yul Brenner. She has a super nice wig, as well as some really great looking caps to cover up, and after the initial shock, I don't mind at all. She seems to be taking it well too. We expected her hair to fall out, and were ready for it. But, it still affected us.
I took her to Weis yesterday while she was wearing her wig, and she had no trouble talking with one of our neighbors there. They made no indication that they knew she was wearing a wig. It looks very natural. I won't post a picture here, but if you email me, I might send you a picture.

Oh, good coffee!

Looking at our finances, we are in trouble. I need to get a "real" job to cover for our losses, but with the want ads only 2 pages big (usually 20+ pages) things don't look good. I tried my hand at one of those online thingies, but they don't really work. I can't figure them out. I must be too dumb or something.
I also signed up for Upromise, which is a reward program to give my grand kids money for their future education, but it doesn't work for me. You see, with the new diet, I don't buy a lot of what they give discounts for. So far, I think I have 2 cents in savings. I'll check my lottery ticket this morning and if I win, I'll make sure they have enough for their future. If not, I'll just pray they do OK on their own.

I have some ideas for a book, but as listed above, I just didn't get to it yet. I'm gonna fix that soon.

So, I will write another blog entry about all of my accomplishments in the past year because of my Weight loss. And more important, what I want to do next year. It is a good feeling knowing that there is a good chance that I will achieve my goals.

Life is good!


Oh, by the way...... I would never have been able to complain about all of this if it wasn't for my Bariatric weight loss. That's worth a lot to me. I would probably have been dead now and my wife would have had to make her journey herself. At least, I am here to help her. As down as I feel right now, that is worth everything I have lived up to this point.

The holidays for me

To me, this is the worst possible time of year.
I enjoy giving gifts and talking to people, but all of my youth comes back to me, and most of it are not the good parts.
I had lots of good times, and some bad times as everyone has, but the bad times come back to me.

Since I am used to holding in my thoughts and feelings, it hurts to let them out. Of course, I feel better after I let them out, but it still hurts.
I also despise the time after the holidays.
I walk the streets here in East Petersburg, and I see all the beautiful lights (and the not so beautiful ones too!).

After the holidays, some folks hold onto the lights as long as they can. But most, just put them away and that's the end of it.
I enjoy the lights the most. When they are put away, there is a real feeling of emptiness, and let down.
I keep hoping to be able to one day hide out on an island somewhere so I can miss the holiday.

Sometime this weekend, I will be taking a trip to Philadelphia to visit my parent's graves. They are buried in two different cemeteries, on opposite sides of the city, so it will be fun getting there. My Dad is buried next to his second wife, near my grandparents. That's a long story for another time.

This holiday, I have planned to take my Helix apart and paint it, and perform some cosmetic work to it. I also plan to write a story.

One other thing:

I have to decide what to do about my music. I have played guitar since I was 11. I loved doing it back then and made great money at the same time. i was in demand, and quite good at the craft of playing and entertaining. I gave it up for marriage and family obligations. I did play a bit over the years for fun, but never achieved the level of success I had when I was younger. I miss it.

I tried to replace it by becoming a DJ, both on the air and mobile. I worked at various stations in the area, and had a mobile DJ service going until I got too fat.

I still have all of my equipment, although my music collection is a bit dated and could use some freshening up.

My mood is somber, and that's not a good trait for a DJ who wants to entertain people.

My weight loss has come to a halt due to my somber mood, the pressures of my wife's problems, and my willingness to succumb to those problems.

But, life is good.

Alcohol and WLS

This is an interesting article on the subject of alcohol.
I don't really have much to add to the topic since I don't really drink. I did try it for medicinal purposes, as I think I wrote about in an earlier post, and I can tell you it works to help me sleep.
I do agree that the effect is quick to come and go. It's as if it really wasn't there.
I like the feeling too much so I will not drink even when I am able.
Beer is carbonated, so I won't even try that. I used to like the fake beer, but that's OK, I'll pass.
We have about 8 inches of snow on the ground right now, and it's getting deeper quickly, so I think I'll go out and try my hand at shoveling, just for the exercise. I got the car inspected and some stuff fixed, and I went out this morning. The snow is powdery and not too slippery, but with the temps rising over the next few days, it will be a mess.
All things considered, I would rather be somewhere warm watching it on TV!

Illiteracy when it comes to computers!

I got to a certain point in my learning curve dealing with computers, the internet, and all things digital.
Some things just don't make sense to me, unless someone explains them.

I decided to redo my blog format as a way to educate myself to new things digital.

This blog is now easier for me to read because I don't have to scroll down as much to read one post.
All of the other stuff is at the bottom, except for the commercials of course.
I like to change my fonts, but can't find enough variety, so I usually just stick with one or two.
The colors here are pretty bland too, but that's OK.

I will go in and try to figure more stuff out as time allows.

Recipes: poultry/corn soup

You can make your own recipes by experimenting, or by following someone Else's ideas.
So, this morning, I made some soup.
I don't drink soup, but my wife does, and the kind I make will work for me too. It is thicker than the usual soup, which makes it OK for me.

Last week, I cooked a turkey on my Ron Popeil Rotisserie. I added my favorite seasonings. I don't use fake stuff anymore, except for sugar. I figure that since I only eat a small amount of food, I can use the good stuff and get away with it.

So, I made a coating mix of vinegar, a half stick of real butter, and olive oil. I melted them in a cup and used a paint brush to paint the turkey as it rotated. I also added the other half stick to the inside of the turkey.

I make up stuffing separately because I can't eat it (Celiac), but my wife does.

So, when the turkey was finished, I had some with a side of veggies. Then, I broke up the rest.

The dark meat went to a chili I made using beans, seasonings, a bit of this and that. You can find my chili recipe and make your own. I froze it in portions for the near future.

The white meat, I also divided into quart size portions.

Today, I pulled out the old crock pot.

• 1 to 2 pounds of cooked poultry. You may use turkey, chicken, or any other that you cook and break apart. No, you have to get rid of the skin.
  
• 32 ounces of chicken stock (I use Swanson liquid. I bought it from BJ's)
• 2 quarts of water. You may use less if you want it to cook down faster.
  
• 3/15 oz. cans of corn (not creamed). You may add more if you like. Make sure to drain the water. Most canned corn has sugar in it. Why?
  
• Added seasonings to taste: Salt, Pepper, Oregano, Parsley. (I would add hot peppers, or sauce, but the wife doesn't like them, so I'll add them afterwards)
  
• Add any veggies you like, as long as they are in the background, and don't bury the main course. Onions are great, green beans, peas, celery. Bell peppers aren't the best choice but you can if you want. Kidney beans turns it into a type of chili to me, and I have enough chili for now.
  
• 1 large bag of wide egg noodles.

In the large crock pot, add the water and broth. Add the seasonings and stir to mix. Taste and add as you need. Cook the liquid on high.

In a separate pot, cook the egg noodles according to directions. Add to crock pot after draining. Do not rinse.

While the noodles are cooking, add the cooked poultry to the crock pot, making sure to break it into smaller pieces. Don't leave any large pieces because it is hard to drink soup with large chunks.

Add the corn and any veggies to the crock pot.

Add the noodles to the crock pot when ready.

Let the crock pot simmer on high, with the lid slightly vented for a few hours until the liquid decreases to your tastes.

At this point, the mix is ready when you are.

So now, I have turkey and can use it to make a series of meals. I save money, and get some good protein. Since I have it stored in the freezer, if I find any other recipe ideas, I can pull it out and I am ready to go.

Now, if only I was allowed to eat bread, gluten, bagels, pizza......I miss them!

But,

Life

is

Good!

Da Shrink

I highly recommend going to see a therapist after you are a bit settled in your routine as a post bariatric patient.
There are all kinds of things they can help you find and help you fix.
If nothing else, you can have someone to talk to about your problems that doesn't have a stake in the outcome. This makes it easier to talk about things you need to get out in the open, in private. (think about that)

Addictive behavior has many faces and doesn't go away. If you fed your addiction with food, and now, you can't do that, the addiction will pop up as something else. You need to watch out for it. The next addiction will probably get easier to deal with, and will be less dangerous to your health, hopefully.

With time and practice, you will find someone who understands your bariatric problems as well as other problems.

I was lucky enough to have found a post bariatric counselor. This person went through the ordeal about a year before me, so they understand a lot of what I am going through. If you can also find a post patient counselor, you've got it made.

Now, let me talk about alcohol for a few minutes:

I am not an alcoholic. I drank when I was a teen, and into my early twenties. I almost never got drunk, and I didn't crave it.

Alcohol used to make my nose stuffy, and I didn't like that.

When I went onstage, I would order a Blackberry brandy and soda, and then I would sip it through the first set. Then, I had a deal with the bartender where ever I played. If someone bought me a drink, and lots did, he would make me a non-alcohol soda and tell the person I was drinking rum and coke or something similar.

So, when I quit drinking in 1983 (there's a personal reason I won't talk about here), it was no big deal. I have had alcohol since then, and still want to talk about it here.
My Mother used to make me a drink with whiskey and hot tea with honey when I got sick. She would force me to drink it and then bury me under the covers until I sweat the bug out. It used to work well, especially when I had been sick for a few days.
I tried that a few times since 1983. I found out that it didn't work as well because I guess I didn't have enough alcohol in my system with just one shot. I probably needed to drink half of the bottle, and I wasn't willing to do that.

I was warned by my dietitian not to drink without having a designated driver because of the strange effects of booze on bariatric patients. She also warned me to wait a few years to even try it.
Since I don't drink and probably won't take it up, I filed the info away until a week or so ago.
You see, my tastes changed.
I used to have maybe one cup of coffee every few days. Now, I drink it everyday, and usually more than one cup (always decaf!).
So, did my tastes for alcohol change? I wondered.....

With bariatric patients, alcohol has a very strong effect initially. This is how it works:

• You take one shot of whatever.
• The hooch takes effect almost instantly, and hits hard. If you try to stand up suddenly, you will feel it.
• After about 20 minutes, the effect wears off, and you are almost totally sober again.

It's kind of like the difference between analog and digital. Analog takes time to warm up. Digital is almost instant.

Now, one shot is not a lot. But, if you repeat that shot a few times, you will get pretty messed up and stay that way.

So, it's kind of funny the way hooch affects us. I can have a shot of something, or a mixed drink, and walk out 20 minutes later totally sober.

Can you begin to see how this could be very dangerous for post bariatric patients with addictive behavior?

I know one person who goes out to drink almost every weekend. They replaced food with alcohol. The don't just drink one shot. I feel for them because they could fix the problem easily if they chose and still enjoy a drink once in awhile.

So, this past week, I was overwhelmed with emotion, and needed to escape. So, with my evening cup of mocha (cur of coffee with a packet of sugar free hot cocoa powder), I added a half shot of creme de cocoa.
Wow, what an effect!
I drank the stuff just before bed. I got instantly high. The room spun around, and I had trouble focusing. I finished the cup, and headed to bed. I slept like a rock. I felt better in the morning.
I decided I liked the feeling, and I might do it again, but I won't ever do it all the time. Once or twice a year will be OK for me. Things are pretty rough right now (see my previous posts), but they will get better soon, I hope and pray.
Now, on with the story....

I don't believe my addictive behavior was overeating, but it might have been. I believe I didn't take care of myself. I spent all my time taking care of my family, and everyone else but me. I thought I was invincible. I found out I was wrong.

No matter what happens now, I have a second chance, and I will do my best to make it a good thing for me.

If I'm not here, none of this matters....

Life is still good.

Oh am I tired!

What a week so far.

I took my wife in for her chemotherapy today. Yesterday, she was taking the prep medicines, and apparently, she had a slight allergic reaction that caused a tickle in her throat. This caused her to cough every few seconds, no matter how much she tried not to. Ugh!
She was up all night and I was too because of the noise, and the fact that I was worried about her.
When I did sleep, I saw the Angel of death hanging around.

I got up at 4:45am, and left for work around 5:45 after making sure my wife was awake. I layed the house phone across the room from her, and moved her cell phone, so she would have to get up to search for it. She always answers the phone no matter what, so it worked as a great double alarm clock. Then, when I was on the road, I called her on both phones, one after the other.

I got home before 8 from my school bus run, and took my wife over to the Health Campus for her first chemo session.
After I got her settled, I headed home, took a shower, ate something, did the dishes, and headed back to pick her up around 11:00am.

Wrong!

I had to wait with her until 1pm because they started her drip very slowly so she would adapt to the poison entering her body.
The worst is yet to come. Believe me, I wouldn't ever do this to myself.
So, after my afternoon bus run, I cooked dinner for us, then I took a walk in the dark to see the Christmas lights in the neighborhood.

I am now sitting here typing and getting ready for an early night.
The meeting at the Bariatric Clinic was a good one. We listened to and participated with the exercise physiologists as they talked about, you guessed it, exercise. Good meeting.

I went to the WLS steering committee meeting last night, and was able to influence the future of the meeting in a positive way. I'll talk about that another time.
Oh, am I tired!
Life is good!

Balance

I didn't really start to gain weight until I started working. I was doing many 12 hours shifts, and then playing all night. My energy was being burned off too fast and I got tired. It was easier to just fix something quick as long as it had lots of flavor, cheese, and other fat laden foods.
When I started sleeping in because I wasn't getting enough sleep, the weight went up.
So, when I lost my balance, I gained weight.
What are those things that I needed for balance?

• The proper mindset - This one is key. If we had no emotions, weight loss wouldn't be an issue.
• Sleep - Many people think they can get by with less sleep. Wrong. They are probably so fatigued that they are shortening their life. I am a firm believer in getting a nap every day as well as a full night's sleep.
• Schedule - I am a firm believer in maintaining a schedule. I get up early, even on the weekends. My body and mind are happier. The one thing I do, is to not use an alarm clock. That allows me to sleep just a little longer. If I find that I am sleeping more than an hour later than usual, I know that there is something wrong. It's a great signal to help me fix things before they get too bad.
  
• The physical body - Everyone is built slightly different. We have different blood types, we are different sizes and shapes. Our chemical makeup can cause problems, as well as helping us.
  
• Location - Living in this particular part of the country (Central Pennsylvania), I have been told, exposes us to almost all of the bugs that exist in the United States to make us sick. For a person living here all their life, they adapt by getting sick and developing immunities. So, this is a benefit. For folks coming here from other areas of the country, this may not be a good thing. Many of them get sick, and some of them die. My cousin moved here from Florida. He got sick and almost died. He spent weeks in the hospital.
  
• The seasons - We gain weight in the fall. We are animals. Our bodies store fat which is converted into food, when food isn't available. It also insulates our bodies so we burn that food slower. This is not something we can control. I am not sure if the folks who live in a non-seasonal area have the same problems. I know I do. As the spring arrives, we should begin to become more active and thus burn off the extra fat, but you know how that works.
• Available food choices - The key word here is choice. That little word can really mess us up. (or is it us who are doing the messing?) If we had no choice but to eat a pre-arranged caloric/nutritious meal, we wouldn't have the problem. But, we have choice. And that allows us to cheat, or get lazy.
• Our beliefs - if you think you can succeed or fail, you are right. Don't blame anyone except the one you see in the mirror every morning.
  
• Support - this is the smallest part of the balance unless we are being abused. If we are being forced to act in ways that aren't conducive to acting as close to normal, we might have a problem. But, most problems we experience, can be controlled, or changed. If we are being abused, physically or mentally, we can always leave. We may make excuses to not do so, but then that becomes our problem. This is the smallest part of the balance system, as I said above. We are supposed to be the ones in control of ourselves, so think twice about blaming others before you look at yourself. (sounds like a song)
• Health - how badly have you messed up your system before you started this diet? If you are morbidly obese, you probably have other health problems caused by your weight. You may or may not be able to overcome these problems. If you can, good for you. If not, God bless you.
• Faith - your religious beliefs can help you.
  

So, balance consists of all of the above, and maybe more that I don't know about. If there were just 3 or 4, it would be easy to balance yourself. Add on the variations, and unknown factors, and you are lucky to have found bariatric surgery.
I sure was.
Life is good!

Can you give up fast food?

I sure couldn't do that before my surgery.
I am a big fan of the lousy beef burgers at McD's, Wendy's, BK, and all the others. I didn't care what they were made of. If they were burgers, I ate them.
I used to go to McDonald's and get their single cheeseburgers. I would buy 4 at a time, add super sized fries, and a large chocolate shake.
Wendy's was even better for me, because I could get a double, everything but onions and mayo, with cheese, a large order of fries, and a large bowl of chili. Oh, and don't forget the large chocolate frosty.
When I was finished, I could barely move, but I was oh so full!
I got started with this eating habit way back when I was a teen. My friend and I would ride our bikes to the Gino's, or to Dick's deli, and fill up. We would be coming back from getting paid for our paper routes, and would spend a large portion of the $15.00 on junk food. Then, we might ride in the other direction for about 10 miles, and buy plastic models (cars, ships, etc.).
I was learning how to wrestle too, so I was burning lots of calories. I never noticed the weight gain, because I was burning it off as fast as I was taking it in.
I can walk right past these places now. I feel good!
Life is good!

What is a diet?

A diet is something that I've heard of, but have found to be impossible to follow for any length of time.
It is impossible to reach the goal listed at the beginning of the diet.
I just can't do it.
Richard Simmons came out with a book on dieting back in the early 80's.
He renamed the diet. He called it the "Live it!"
He told his story and how he had gone on a crash diet after getting a note that someone wrote and put on his windshield.
It said "Fat people die. Please don't die".
He lost weight the wrong way. He fasted until he was ready to drop. But, for him, it worked.
He lost most of his hair and the fast threatened his health.
Then, he decided to help others who were fat, to lose weight.
So, he came up with his "Live it" program.
It incorporated using your brain, your body, and common sense eating.
Every morning, I got up, and did a series of stretching exercises. I had to take the book and look at the pictures for the first week or so. After awhile, I started to get the hang of it. I started to feel better, but I still didn't like exercising.
I never worked up a sweat doing the exercises, but I knew they were doing me some good. My heart would be beating and I would feel awake all morning, instead of feeling like I needed more sleep.
I also followed his diet plan, which was very diverse and offered no chance for boredom.
But then, life caught up to me. I started cheating on the diet because of laziness and fatigue. I was working a split shift and starting about 4:15am and going until 9pm. I had two kids and a wife, and all kinds of other stuff going on. So, I cheated. Not only that, but I stopped doing the exercises, and I gained back the 35 pounds I lost.
Now Richard Simmons had some great ideas. They work if you don't quit and don't cheat.
The "Live it" was supposed to be for life, but, life had other plans.
Richard Simmons had a series of other diets and he made a good living helping people to understand exercise and nutrition. I learned a lot from him. But, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stay with him.
So, in conclusion:
A diet is unattainable for me. I can't lose weight and keep it off without help.
I found that help through gastric bypass surgery. It is incorporated with a support group, an exercise plan, and a dietitian.
The fact that I now have an empty nest, also helps. I have fewer distraction, although my wife's health has been threatening the plan.
I have maintained my weight loss since I started this plan. I still haven't lost all the weight I wanted to lose, but that's OK, because I am still following the plan.
July 2008 until now, I am down 102 pounds, and will never gain that weight back as long as I have this little pouch instead of a two gallon stomach.

Walking and driving

I rode the Helix today for about a half hour. It was very cold on the bike since I like to ride fast. I hit speeds up to 74 mph. I was dressed warm with Silk lined leather gloves, a T shirt, sweat shirt, and jacket, and my "Buff" over my head and under the helmet.
It did warm up this afternoon to around 60 degrees, and the sun was very strong.

We went for a walk on the Junction Road rail trail. My wife used her Oxygen and it worked well, but she was unable to go much further than the first quarter mile. We turned around and headed back at a very slow pace. But, we got to walk in the sunshine.

Much of our time this weekend was spent in front of the TV watching the House and garden channel and dreaming about finishing the kitchen and bathroom which we have no money to do. But, we have ideas about what we would like to do.

I've eaten turkey in some form every day since Thursday, and plan to thaw and cook another turkey in the next few weeks in order to open up the freezer and save money. I can add it to my chili instead of the beef this time around for a bit of variety.

I took another walk this afternoon when we got home. This allowed me to walk at a much faster pace. My body is still adjusting to the weight loss, and I pop and crack as well as meander along the street. I walked last night too.

And, I started a search for a new dog. We went to the Humane Society to see what they had. I'm looking for a dog that can walk with me with as little control as possible. I am thinking about a German Shepherd, or other larger dog. I had a collie and a border collie, but they both passed on a few years back. Now that I have the energy, I would like to have a companion to walk with, and someone who can stay with my wife when I can't be here.