I have been getting ready to record my thoughts so I can write my first book. I gotta tell you, it's really tough for me to think thin. I am so used to being sore and tired, and worn out all the time. I'm still sore, but I'm not tired. So, what's so hard about writing a book? The itch is in a place I can't reach. It's in between my ears, and behind my skull! Ever feel that way? I do all the time. My weight loss hasn't changed that at all. I don't know why, but I am going to find out. My basement is a playground for me. But, it's cold down there. I am broke, so no space/supplemental heating for now. Even working out on the treadmill doesn't get me warm. My fingers are so cold and sore! Now, I'm done complaining. I feel better already!
I need to schedule my day
I need to follow that schedule, every day
I need to keep up with a variety of foods, so I don't get lazy or bored, and cheat
My basement has a large multi purpose bench for workouts with free weights. It has a leg and arm unit attached to it. I also have a Total Gym. If you can only get one thing, that's the one! It is actually fun, although I still get a bit of motion sickness. I don't have all the attachments for it, but it serves it's purpose. And, I have a professional treadmill. This unit has everything, but not all of it works. I bought it from a resale dealer. It has extra padding in the tread, and is wide and long so I can move around on it. I usually walk about 3 mph and raise the grade up to 2.5 or 3%. I can jog on it for a short way, but I'll get better. The funny thing is that I almost fall over when I try to walk on the floor afterwards. My leg muscles are used to carrying 75+ or more pounds than I actually have on me now. So, my legs over-react, and I end up stumbling around until I lose my "sea legs". So now, I stand on the treadmill and hold on after I'm done walking, until I can stand without falling. On the far wall, I have two amplifiers, my PA system, DJ box, an extra mixer, various pedals, mics and stands, and my two guitars. I will post a picture of that. When I walked yesterday, I played Steely Dan on my DJ outfit. It's about 1400 watts flat out, but I was about half that. Tonal quality in the basement is very good, and since I'm alone, I can play it loud........and.....I DO!
From time to time, I will find variations, or mistakes in my blog, and I will go through and edit them. Simple things such as spelling or grammar don't matter much as long as you can understand what I write. But, I found a variation on a recipe that I wasn't aware of before, and I posted that. Look back in November's posts and find "Coffee recipe". Try it and enjoy.
Please feel free to read my new blog, which is about resumes, as if you couldn't tell. My friend wrote a letter of introduction for his service, and he sent me my finished resume, which is fantastic. I did some minor editing, and will send it back to him for approval. I am going to send out a blanket email in case anyone would like to have a resume written by my friend. The Email address below is in case you would like to talk to my friend about having a resume done for you. His rates are very reasonable, and he will work with you until it is to your liking.
I thank Wendy, Greg, Kristin, and Dr. Brader for allowing me to speak tonight.
Now, a little background on me.
My name is Lee Feldman
I was born in 1953, in Philadelphia, raised in Levittown.
I have two grown children and 3 grand kids, with another on the way.
After getting married in 1976, we moved many times and finally ended up in East Petersburg, where we have been since 1992.
I was involved with the Lions Club, East Petersburg Fire Company, and the East Petersburg Day Committee, all volunteer.
I have driven some kind of bus since 1974 for my main source of income.
I am/was a Disc Jockey since 1994 or so.
I have played guitar since I was 11.
My hobbies are music, listening and playing, researching my past, including finding old friends and acquaintances through the Internet, riding my Honda Helix, and writing my memoirs.
I am 5’7” tall.
When I started my quest to lose weight and keep it off, I weighed in at over 305 pounds. I have lost weight many times, but have never been able to keep it off.
I had my surgery on July 31st.
I now weigh in around 230 and my goal is to go all the way back down to 155, which is what I weighed when I got married 32 years ago.
I feel great!
So, what is my definition of a milestone?
A milestone along the road marks the starting point in a journey. Every mile, there is a new mile marker showing how far you have gone, and how much further you have to go.
If you want to go 5 miles, you have to pass by markers 2 through 4 in order to get to mile marker 5.
The mile markers may go by un-noticed, but the milestones I want to concentrate on here, are the ones that affect you. These are the ones you notice along the way.
Unlike a road that has a beginning and an end, this type of journey has a starting point, but it can go on as long as you are here on earth.
Your decision to get the surgery is milestone zero. This is the point where you decided to finally lose the weight and keep it off for life. But more than this, it is the point that you will change your life forever. You are not going back in time; rather, you are starting over, with a very good chance of success.
Your surgery date is mile marker zero. This may or may not be a milestone for you.
A mile marker is a point along your path.
Look for the first thing you will remember for the rest of your life. That’s the Milestone.
A Milestone is a memory on your journey.
The points along the way from mile marker one are:
The hoops you have to jump through with the insurance company to qualify for the surgery.
Deciding whether to tell your friends and loved ones about your decision.
Preparation for the surgery.
Changing the way you think about foods.
Planning exercise.
Gathering the items you need for after the surgery.
Making the decision to do it right this time.
Reading everything you get instead of just putting it aside.
Your milestone is something that you decide. In order to get there, you have to travel along a path that is different from everyone else, and yet, there are many who are on this same journey. You are not alone.
Something simple:
•Your pants are too big
•You aren’t recognized by a friend you haven’t seen for awhile
•You fit into a booth at the local restaurant
•You buy a pair of shoes that tie, instead of slip ons.
•You are able to stand up from the couch without moaning, or planning ahead.
•You can climb into the back seat of a car.
•You no longer have to buy double or triple X clothing.
•You can actually fit into an airplane seat and actually fasten the seatbelt.
•You can trot up the stairs without causing an earthquake, or getting out of breath.
Here are some ideas for you to think about.
•If you were shy, will you still be that way?
•If you used coping mechanisms to hide your emotions, will you be able to let go of them? How will you do that?
•Will you still get angry at the same things?
•What are you going to keep and what will you discard? What are you going to change?
•Will you still think of yourself as fat?
•Will you ever think of yourself as “normal”?
•Will you let anyone stop you, or change your mind?
•Will you stay here, or will you move and start over?
I can hear myself say “oh, I would never do that!”. Or, “I really don’t like to do that”. That’s my coping mechanism at work. I was really saying, “I’m too fat” or out of shape to do that.
So what do you really want to do that you couldn’t do before? When will you be able to do it?
I think that milestones may be different for younger people than with older folks like me.
I am starting over, with more energy, the ability to do more than I could in years, yet, I have experiences and excess emotional baggage than the younger folks.
I would like to hear from those younger people so I can get a feel for the differences and similarities.
I am listing my email and blog address. I would like as many people as possible to contribute to the blog so that we can help each other through what will be an exciting journey, not without it’s roadblocks, and potholes.
Please feel free to write to me. I will keep your names private unless you give me permission to publish it.
I would like to see recipes, ideas for exercise, stories, milestones reached, and if you would like to meet with others to celebrate your achievements.
I have already gotten some great ideas from some Post surgery people. I would like to get more. We all need all the help we can get.
Someday soon, I will be able to leave the nest and walk on my own through the world.
Over the next few weeks or so, if I can get the time and energy, I will be modifying this website to cater more closely to Bariatric and Celiac needs. I may also expand it for other medical conditions, but that may be a bit of overkill. I only have so many hours in the day to do things, and I am goofing off on the computer instead of working out. I am going to break that chain right now. The website was started by a good friend, and it is a generic catch-all recipe site. You can log on and post your recipe, or copy one for yourself. The ads are what keep it going. If you buy something through one of the ads, then the owner makes enough to keep it going. It is not really very lucrative, but it wasn't meant to be. The owner gave me control of it, and I will decide what I want to do when the time comes. In the meantime, if you send me recipes, I will be able to continue to eat.
This post is my catch all in order to catch up. I will bullet the highlights, and maybe fill in the details over the weekend.
I reached a new milestone this afternoon. I am going to write down a schedule for the next few weeks, taking into account the holiday. I am hoping it will help me stay on track and accomplish some of the great things I am capable of doing. I am ADD and find that I am goofing off too much. I get lots of stuff done, but my mind is moving so fast, and I am frustrated.
I have 3 books in my head and will try to write down the first one over the next month.
I have 2 songs that a friend has co-written with someone else. I told him i would finish them so we could record them and release them to the world.
I have not started my exercise program as I should have two weeks ago. I have to find a way to carry a portable recording device with me so that I can start walking, and eventually, jogging. I may have the device with me now, but I have to check. If not, I will have to improvise because I can't spend the money to do that.
I have to develop a website with a friend so I can start to make money.
I am on a job search. I have a friend doing my resume for me and I have to decide where to go with it when it is finished. He is the guy that I started the other blog for.
Ok, next....
The new links I posted about music, are for another friend. He has an indie music website, and has found some great new talent. If you go to the website (www.ilike2rock.org), you can download a toolbar that will play a variety of songs. You can decide if you like it for yourself. For myself, I enjoy hearing new music that I have never heard before. There are too many stations out there playing the same old thing over and over....how boring.
Michael Paul is a guy who is an up and comer in the music business. He has written to me for a while, and I offered some suggestions to him. I like his stuff, and enjoy hearing a good writer as well as performer. I dare you to tell me I am wrong. If we are lucky, he will become mainstream and everyone will be that much richer for hearing him.
Resume resume is the thing I started for my friend. I wrote the initial post and then decided he was right and deleted it. I have time to finish it another time. In the meantime, if you need a resume that will get you a job, email me and I will put you in contact with him.
One thing I forgot to mention about the meeting last night. It was the first time in years that i was able to stay on my feet for over an hour. Wow! Now, I promised myself to clean off the 6 foot work table tonight, so that's what I'm gonna do.
Things worked out well last night. I will be posting the written part of my talk, and will try to figure out how to post the powerpoint of the other speaker. The room was packed again, and I couldn't get out to spend time with the post people once we split into groups. I was able to run the powerpoint program while I was reading the other information, so people were able to read and hear two different ideas at the same time. After I was finished with my talk, I moved to the picture part and the people enjoyed the jokes I threw out there. So often, informational meetings are dry and somewhat boring. I try to add a bit of levity to break things up. I am hoping some of the folks there will join the blog and share their experiences. Bariatric Patients are all aiming towards the same goal, which is losing weight and keeping it off for life. We are all on a different path, however. We are all doing it for different reasons. We all are arriving at different times. We are successful at different levels. So, it will be worth it to hear from them and compare notes.
I will be speaking tomorrow night along with Elaine M Neidert, MSN, APRN, BC, M*O*U*S*E (sorry, couldn't resist!),who will be speaking on the subject of Self esteem. Our talks will fit together nicely, and you might even stay awake for both of them. If you are interested in pre surgery information, the meeting should be right up your alley, even if you don't bowl. I will stay around afterwards as I always do in case you want to ask anything about what it feels like, or anything else on your mind. You can send me an email also if you would like. I will give you my side of the story. Things change everyday. They didn't used to do that before. I was so used to losing ground everyday, and now, it's just the opposite. I am moving forward everyday. I just bought T shirts in Large, as well as some thermal underpants and shirts. I never needed them before, but now, I feel the cold. Tonight, I ran a load of wash, and put it in the dryer, did the dishes, made dinner for myself, and am waiting until my Wife gets a little closer to home to make her dinner. 6 months ago, I would have left the wash alone, as well as waiting for the dishes to fill the sink before doing anything about them. And, I would have stuck something in the microwave for dinner. Then, I would have raided the fridge for some junk before eating a full meal. I'm heading off now to get a cup of decaf prepared as listed in another thread below. Then, I will watch some TV before finishing up the wash and putting the dry dishes away. I have energy now that I didn't ever think I would have again. Wow!
1. Finding the right foods and variety. With the Celiac Sprue, life becomes a bit complicated. I have had dreams where I started to eat something the had Gluten in it, and then went into a panic trying to get it out. It is a constant thing for me to concentrate on both the correct amount of protein, making sure it is gluten free, and having enough fiber. I go through periods where I have a certain food every day until I can't stand it anymore. Now, however, I am learning to look for variety. Things happen that open up those doors for me. Over the holidays, I will be looking at cookbooks, and making a list of possible things for me to eat on a regular basis. The world spins too fast sometimes, so it is tough for me to want to take the time at the end of it, to prepare something. So, I have to prepare foods when I have the energy, and save them. We still eat out on the weekends as a means of breaking up the usual patterns of the week. I do all the cooking right now because my wife is working overtime and doesn't get home until late. So, eating out is a good way to take a break and learn what I can eat and can't. We have a great Italian restaurant close by and they make all kinds of foods, not just pizza and subs. So, I read their menu and find something new almost every time I go.
2. Exercising. This is the toughest for me. I find that starting a program is as hard as quitting smoking is for some folks today. I just can't get started. What makes it worse for me is that my wife doesn't exercise because of her health and won't go with me for support. She doesn't really support anything else I do either, so it feels like I'm being rejected by my best friend after all these years. I never was one for running on a treadmill, or using equipment. I have it in the basement, but the weather hasn't been all that bad recently, so I would rather go outside than down to the dungeon. Yesterday, my Son came over with his work truck and I helped him clean up the yard for the winter. I had been raking the leaves into a pile, but I hate putting it into bags. The bags are clumsy for one person, and a real pain to fill. It's not fun. I raked all the leaves into a pile around my Silver Maple in the back yard. He came over and sucked them all up with a machine that chops them, and spits them into the back of his truck. One of his friends grabbed a backpack blower and did the rest of the leftover leaves into more piles. They got the whole lawn. My Son also cut and trimmed all the bushes. He cleared out the ones from the front bay window in order for us to see out better and for any sunlight to get in. The areas around the bushes got raked too and cleared out a pile of stuff. Then, he hauled it all away. I helped by taking Esmerelda for a long walk over to the park to play, and then bringing her home (nice guy, I am). Then, I helped grab some of the bushes that he cleared out. I also did a little raking. He helped out the neighbor next door by sucking up his leaves, and he hauled them away. So, I got a long walk and some bush carrying and raking done. I had to take a nap afterwards, but I felt good. So, I did get some workout, and warmed up a bit, but it was not a formal workout. I continue to lose weight, and feel good, but I am worried that I will get lazy and not get into shape. Today, it is raining, so I might spend some time finishing my verbal presentation for the meeting next week, and send off a copy to my partner who is also giving a talk.
How about sending off some before and during pictures to me so I can post them. My new profile picture is from about a month ago when my webcam was working. I have to use something a lot in order to remember how they work. This is true of my webcam. Anyway, I am wearing an extra large T shirt, and I am now wearing large or even mediums. So, the pocket on that old T goes just about down to my belt! I love losing weight like this!!!! On another note, I am finished with the pictures for my presentation next week at the support group meeting. I just started editing the notes. I know the pre surgery folks will have lots of questions, so I will make time to listen to them and answer the best I can. I know I had lots of questions. It made me feel a little less apprehensive after the Post surgery people answered them. Dr. Brader did great job as did the other team members. They still do. I ask them questions even today. So, now I have this huge Powerpoint Presentation, and I can't figure out how to condense it to send it through email. AOL restricts the size, and my winzip is mysteriously missing. Paul, I know that you are reading this. Maybe, you can send me a hint?
The birds flew around while we ate yesterday. I had turkey - no problem. I ate the Dark Meat and it was soooo good. I had stuffing. Celiac didn't let me know it was there, so I got away with it. Good stuffing, although it was about a tablespoon. I had asparagus. Yummy. I had cranberry sauce. The kind that comes out of a can and looks like jelly. I was concerned it might be too much sugar, but again, I survived. I had smashed Potatoes. There were pieces of unsmashed in it, along with a mushroom gravy, and it was scrumptious. Dessert? Nope. I ate slowly and was full after about 15 minutes. I didn't eat all that much, but I enjoyed every bite. We got to play with Lilly afterwards, and I had fun watching her eat. She doesn't use utensils yet, but is so delicate in picking things up and carefully placing them in her mouth. So cute. She crawled all over us, and played peek a boo. Such a happy kid. On the way home we stopped at a Dunkin Donuts for coffee, but they were closed. We made it to a Turkey Hill in York, and stopped there for some coffee. I got my usual decaf, and enjoyed every drop. My wife did the frothy stuff with extra flavoring. Today is Black Friday. Were broke so we will ignore it for the most part. I hate crowds anyway. I am going to finish raking leaves into a pile and my son is supposed to come over and clean them up for me. I put that at 40% chance of happening. I am letting my wife sleep in this morning, so I will go get breakfast and then go outside.
I goofed. I wasn't supposed to click on the ad, but I couldn't resist. Now, I think the world is going to come down upon me, and I might even be famous for 15 minutes or so. The adsense police are on their way right now to arrest me and force me to watch the ad that I clicked on for the rest of my life! Oh no! The adsense ads are fairly unobtrusive, and someone might even be interested in them. If you find one interesting, click on it and they might send me a check for a few pennies every 10 years or so. I have been working on the content of the blog without worrying too much about how the damn thing worked. So, I signed up for adsense and then promptly forgot about it. Today, I finally started reviewing things about the blog other than the color scheme, and I made a few changes. I learned a few things, but I'm still not up to speed on a lot of things in this crazy world of blogging. So, if I ever become bedridden and can't go outside and enjoy life, I will take the time to learn this stuff. If I don't, screw it all. I'm just gonna write and not worry about the frills, bells, and whistles! Happy Thanksgiving again!
This is my very first Thanksgiving. I am going to see my daughter, son in law, and grand daughter. We are going to eat turkey. I had trouble eating chicken, and I imagine I will have some trouble with turkey too, but we will see. I will put aside my celiac diet for one day too. But, there will be other foods there that I can eat, so any wheat products will be small portions. This is a milestone for me. Since food has decreased in importance for me, will I be able to concentrate on other more important things? I guess I'll find out in a few hours.
I'm looking for new stuff. It's tough sometimes to remember what I can't eat because of all of the restrictions. So, I tend to forget that I can eat something, but I can't eat something else. I started eating small amounts of potato chips last week. They are Gluten Free, and the ones I get are usually salt free too. I don't get the ones cooked in lard, even though they taste good to me. Snack foods and crunchy stuff is my favorite. If I don't have something crunchy with a meal, I feel like I missed something. Celery, or carrots don't do it for me. It has to be crunchy like potato chips. I only eat 3 or 4 of them, so it's not that big a deal. It's just that I feel satisfied after eating them. I always save them for last so I can get the maximum crunch! :) So, next, I will be compiling a list of foods so I can refer to it in case I get stuck. My memory is terrible, and if I don't write things down, I forget. Or, did I say that already? I still don't like veggies, but if they are mixed into the food, I can tolerate them. I still need more fiber than those who eat wheat and flour products. I had rice based pasta last night, for the first time since my surgery. I loved it. It really added to the eating experience. I'm looking forward to getting more feedback here so I can expand my food list. I need new ideas.
I have been taking lots of things for granted, so I started to think about stuff, and came up with something I have been doing for years. I thought I would pass it on to you. I combine things. You already saw my coffee and oatmeal combo, now for something to drink. That way, I feel like I'm treating myself to something special, and many times it is. So, here is one of my specials, along with suggestions for variations. I guess it should be noted that this works well with bariatric people because it has extra protein in it. If you are on a diet, or your doctor has given you restrictions, be careful with my recipes. Some are loaded with stuff you may not want to eat.
Coffee: 1 cup of decaf coffee 1 packet of sugar free instant breakfast 1 packet sweet and low 2 teaspoons of liquid creamer (Coffee mate with chocolate, or other flavors are fine) (If you are not a choco-holic like me, you may use vanilla flavored instant breakfast) I make a pot of coffee every morning and let it cool. Then I heat it in the microwave and drink it all day. I know coffee has caffiene, even the decaf, but I can live with that. Chocolate has caffeine too, thank God!
Heat the cup of coffee for 1 minute, 20 seconds in the microwave Add the instant breakfast, and sweet and low. Stir until dissolved. Pour creamer into coffee. Drink and enjoy! Tip: I like to use a ceramic mug because it also heats up in the microwave as well as the liquid inside of it. That way, my hands stay nice and warm while drinking.
Stop the presses! I found a variation that I was not aware of. Feel free to add a scoop of vanilla, or chocolate protein powder to the coffee in place of the instant breakfast. Make sure you stir it up very well. It will make a super drink, especially if the coffee is hot. Try it and let me know.
After having a very interesting weekend, during which I broke my Celiac diet, I still feel good. I don't plan to do it too often, but I now know I can if I have to. I went home to Levittown one last time, and don't know if I'll ever go back again. I always thought that if I won the lottery, the one thing I would do would be to buy all 3 homes that I grew up in there. Instead, I didn't win, so I took pictures of them and posted them on my facebook. I got to visit two old and dear friends. One taught me how to play guitar when I was 11 or so. The other stood by my side through all of my trials and tribulations. I took pictures of my old school, and some street signs. This is an effort to tie up loose ends in mind, and I still have a few left to go. I am not getting ready to die, I am living! The stuff in my head is organizing itself, and for the first time in years, I am thinking clearly. I still can't remember names half the time, but that's ok. I got home and went to see my friend play in a new band last night too, thus proving two things to me: 1. I can go somewhere and be able to control my energy levels, so I don't collapse. 2. I can enjoy myself again. I almost have the presentation together for the meeting. I need to figure out how to zip the powerpoint file so I can send it out. It is too big for AOL right now. I'll keep working on it. Time for bed.
December 4, 2008 is the next meeting, held at the Lancaster general health campus on Harrisburg Pike. 7pm to 8:30pm. I think we will be meeting ahead of time to walk. If you would like to walk, meet at Dr. Brader's office at 6pm.
I will be one of the featured speakers at the next Bariatric Support group meeting, at Lancaster General health campus. I will be talking about milestones. Originally, a milestone was a stone that was placed along the road every mile, so that people would know how far they've journeyed. My milestones will change that definition just slightly. I won't give out the information I will speak about in December, so you will have to show up and pay attention. I did write about this in an earlier entry on this blog, so fee free to review. Suffice it to say that there are things happening to me that I never expected. Not just in the things I do, but in the way I react to things. I am also starting to notice a change in the way people who don't know me, treat me. I am the same person inside, but people see a much thinner version of me on the outside. I am trying to do up a PowerPoint presentation for the meeting to keep things fun. I am finding almost everything I need on the Internet, and I look forward to seeing the reaction to my presentation.
I looked in the mirror this morning, and I realized I don't know who I am. Listening to Glenn Beck on the way home from the Chiropractor didn't help either. Now, I have to figure out who I am. Thanks, Glenn! I know what I am not. I am not a fat man anymore. I am not a kid anymore. I am a scared older man. I am happier than I have been in awhile....well maybe years. I walk funny. I talk quieter. I don't have to show off to call attention to myself anymore. I react less externally than I used to. I am able to see thing more clearly than I could even a year ago. I was waiting to die a year ago. Now, I am looking forward to living, and I am even living as I write this. Things I didn't consider 6 months ago, I am reconsidering. Can I really do this if I want? Most likely, the answer is "YES"! I am going outside to chop the leaves, and I just got back from the chiropractor. Before, I would have taken a break to recover. I am looking for myself. I am looking for myself. I am looking for myself. I think I see myself now.
Yesterday, I spent in the basement. I have been exercising by carrying things up and down the stairs all week. I took my music equipment downstairs, one piece at a time, and brought up boxes and bags of stuff I am going to throw out. If I took everything up at once, the trash guys wouldn't take it all, so I bring it up a few pieces at a time. I am making slow but steady progress. I also had a conversation with my wife while she was down there, and we cleared up a few things. The phone rang and it was one of my kids, and I let her do the talking while I got on my treadmill, and then went over to the Total Gym. I have it set up for light work. I can use it for heavy work too, but this allows me to get a longer workout. I do more reps with less weight. I pulled on that thing for what seemed like forever. I was tired when I got off, and figured I would be really sore today, but I got out of bed at 6:30am and feel fine. The cold weather is taking it's toll on my joints. I walk like an old man when I first get up from the couch, or have been sitting anywhere for awhile. Then, I start to loosen up a bit. I walk funny now too. I am so used to dealing with the swinging belly, that I can't walk straight. My legs are busy trying to compensate for what isn't there anymore. My wife can't walk with me, so I have yet to go out and really talk a long walk to see what I can do. I hit the treadmill, a little, and now around the house, I walk back and forth a lot. I actually get up and do what I have to, where before I would just stay seated if I forgot something. I still have the mental block that I am fat and can't do stuff, but I have been steadily fighting that. So, every morning now, I get out of bed, and start over. It's a good feeling most of the time. How about you?
