There were so many TV series put out through the pay channels that were so good. Unfortunately, I didn't see the need to pay for TV other than for basic cable. So, I missed them all. The Sopranos came across to me through their blurbs on regular TV as too vulgar, or just using vulgarity as a way to lure people into watching the show. So, I didn't watch. I now know that they had an excellent show and may decide to load it up on Netflix when I run out of other shows to watch. I seem to prefer TV series now to individual movies. I have been a bit obsessed with watching them for the past year or so. I usually load them up when I eat. I also watch in the evening when I am too tired to do anything else. My fatigue has helped them and not me. I also think my depression has helped them too. It's much easier to escape into a TV series (a well done TV series) than it is to deal with the "real" world. I am really, really, bored with the real world. No matter how hard I work at it, I am still being buried in bullshit. It all started when my wife got sick and I discovered I could stream movies directly to my new HDTV. Over the years, I had to watch what my wife wanted to watch, and that meant no Chuck Norris! I saw some of the teasers for "24", but since I got up at 4am most days, I couldn't stay up late enough to see it. After hearing about one particular episode, I couldn't figure out how they could detonate a nuke and still keep the show going. So, I vowed to watch the series from the beginning to see how they did it. Way back in the stone age, if you missed a show, you were out of luck. When re-runs came out, it was great, but there were many shows you couldn't see because they decided they weren't worth it financially to re-run. Now, you have access to many of the shows, good or bad, that you missed. There were many shows that I considered excellent, or at least worth watching again, that I am glad I got to see. So, I started escaping.
I made a list of shows I wanted to see all the way through, and set about doing just that. I still haven't loaded up the Sopranos, but I'll get to them. My favorite books to read back when I was a kid, were science fiction. Heinlein was my all time favorite, and I have been blessed to be able to claim I have read everything he ever had published. When I found an author I liked, I would search out all of their books and set about reading them all. I did the same thing with music and record albums. My mind is filled with adventures that I will never get even close to experiencing. Real life is boring. Real life is painful and sad. It is not exciting. When the Scifi channel came about on cable, I thought "Yippie!". I was disappointed. Their first efforts were so bad it was laughable. Over time, however, they have improved their programming, and actually brought out some very good material. It wasn't all space monsters, or unbelievable natural disasters. "Warehouse 13" is a great show. It lead me to do a bit of surfing and I found a show called "Heroes" which is among my favorites. I just finished "Lost". It was a long series that was written like a video game with all kinds of obstacles, and lots of intrigue, whatever that is! It kept my interest and I'm sad that it ended. It actually ended several times, with resolutions to the character's problems coming, but the show went on anyway. It kept me guessing, and I liked that.
"Life on Mars" was a short series that reeled me in after a very slow start. It was under 20 episodes, and I was concerned that they would just leave the story hang instead of finally revealing the secret to the plot. They did resolve it, however, and I am satisfied. Another thing that I have been doing for many years, and I really should write a whole post just on this topic (maybe I will), is this: The first year after we married in 1977, I went through a period of time where I almost lost my wife to her cancer. It was a very rough time for us. I dealt with it by going through a very strong period of depression. I realized I couldn't go back home, and I would be lost without my wife by my side. I was lost and alone in my feelings. So, I decided to examine every portion of my life and see what I needed to do about it. Everything I was used to doing during my daily routines was examined.
I made a list of shows I wanted to see all the way through, and set about doing just that. I still haven't loaded up the Sopranos, but I'll get to them. My favorite books to read back when I was a kid, were science fiction. Heinlein was my all time favorite, and I have been blessed to be able to claim I have read everything he ever had published. When I found an author I liked, I would search out all of their books and set about reading them all. I did the same thing with music and record albums. My mind is filled with adventures that I will never get even close to experiencing. Real life is boring. Real life is painful and sad. It is not exciting. When the Scifi channel came about on cable, I thought "Yippie!". I was disappointed. Their first efforts were so bad it was laughable. Over time, however, they have improved their programming, and actually brought out some very good material. It wasn't all space monsters, or unbelievable natural disasters. "Warehouse 13" is a great show. It lead me to do a bit of surfing and I found a show called "Heroes" which is among my favorites. I just finished "Lost". It was a long series that was written like a video game with all kinds of obstacles, and lots of intrigue, whatever that is! It kept my interest and I'm sad that it ended. It actually ended several times, with resolutions to the character's problems coming, but the show went on anyway. It kept me guessing, and I liked that.
"Life on Mars" was a short series that reeled me in after a very slow start. It was under 20 episodes, and I was concerned that they would just leave the story hang instead of finally revealing the secret to the plot. They did resolve it, however, and I am satisfied. Another thing that I have been doing for many years, and I really should write a whole post just on this topic (maybe I will), is this: The first year after we married in 1977, I went through a period of time where I almost lost my wife to her cancer. It was a very rough time for us. I dealt with it by going through a very strong period of depression. I realized I couldn't go back home, and I would be lost without my wife by my side. I was lost and alone in my feelings. So, I decided to examine every portion of my life and see what I needed to do about it. Everything I was used to doing during my daily routines was examined.
- When I got up in the morning, what did I do first and why? Was there a different way to do it? Was there a better way to do it? These were the kinds of things I looked at.
- How did others handle life, and can I learn anything from them? I have always been a voyeur in that sense. I am not interested in looking into bedroom windows, rather, I want to see how people do things. Crowd watching has always been a favorite pastime for me.
- Could I do anything to change my life for the better?
- Did I really need everything I owned? I did a lot of clearing out of clutter back then, even though my wife did the opposite. I found my mind cleared up with fewer material things in my possession. Of course, I had things I couldn't part with, and things I had to keep for various other reasons.
- Why did I buy the car that I bought?
- Why did I want more things and better things?
- What did I learn from my parents? Did they have all the answers?
And the list went on. So, I've found it very helpful to me now to return to those days of examination to determine what I need to live, and what I can do without, or with less. For example:
- I love HDTV and the new access to all the great shows. I have found them useful in my recovery. But, I can see myself getting rid of the TV and the extreme expense of Netflix and Cable and not missing it.
- I love computer access. I am still not sure if I can do without Facebook, email, and the vast database of the Internet. Rather, I wonder if I can survive by going to a wifi spot rather than being connected all the time? The cost of TV, Netflix, and the Internet could drop my yearly expenses by quite a bit. I would still have my computer, but I would probably have to sell it and get another type of portable machine to communicate. I still have two printers (one is an all in one that I haven't used), but I wonder if I even need those.
- Phone? I got rid of my house phone and don't miss it, but could I go back to a bare bones basic cell phone?
- I have been seriously considering quitting music altogether. I have about $5,000 worth of equipment that I couldn't get $5,000 for. I would take a loss, but wouldn't have to deal with all the gizmos and gadgets. My music has been with me all of my life and I wonder how big of a step it would be if I sold everything and gave it up. This one question is the biggest one I have to consider.
- How will I make a living? This one has so many variables, that I can either just go out and get a job, or go through them and end up being happy with what I do for a living. The first way is the easiest, and probably the most practical. The second is really what I should do and by far the hardest thing I would ever do in my life.
So, there I go.
- I lost my kids to moving out.
- I lost my Father and Mother.
- I lost all of my grandparents.
- I lost my wife and her whole family.
And...
- I lost weight and have kept it off.
- I gained my life back again.
- I now have choice available to me.
So, what do I do next?
- I have to keep moving forward, no matter how strange it is.
- I have to keep looking for answers, no matter what I find.
- I have to make decisions for myself and no one else.
- I have to live life, no matter what it brings.
- I have to believe I am here for a reason, even if I am just a placeholder. So, I have to keep on moving.
I will keep on writing about my journey through life as long as it's relevant to me.
