Thursday

I am so consumed with grief, and frustration, that's it ever so hard to concentrate on WLS and food.
My wife is still dying in a nursing home. They just cut her physical therapy and she is complaining about things that we can't do anything about.
I try to talk about pleasant things, and keep it light because that's what she seems to want.
But, the world keeps on turning.
I have been working in the house when I can, but since my sleep has been affected, I am walking around like a zombie. I am still positive that I will survive this, but I'm still in the process, and I want it all to be over.
I have mapped out a plan to paint the entire house this summer, as well as selling the one car. I also plan to make some improvements as cheaply as possible within my limited income.
I am going to play my guitar for money again, but I don't know when that will happen.
Since my ADD has thrown some interesting monkey wrenches into my life, I am going against all of them and making a schedule that I plan to follow.

• I will practice 4 hours a day. This includes finding songs to do, writing them down, lyrics and chords. I also want to try to improve my playing so I can do some old style Jazz chord melody pieces. I love that type of music, and want it to continue for years to come and not be lost.
• I plan to schedule exercise and keep to the plan. I may go to a club, but will probably stay at home in the beginning.
• I plan to follow a daily schedule, not a long term schedule. I can get lost in the large chunks, and want to keep things small so I don't feel overwhelmed.
• I plan to take a course of study. I haven't decided what yet, but I am going to further my education.
• I plan to socialize.
• I plan to find new foods, and ideas to further my weight loss. All of the above will be part of the quest to reach my goal weight of 155. I may never get there, but I am aiming towards it.
• I plan to take vacations. I haven't had one in, in, well I haven't had one. Vegas, here I come.
  

So, it's now time to continue my cleaning out of the house. I have to bag more clothing, and move stuff from the bedrooms to the basement so I can paint.

Honest to goodness Post!

There is a place here in Central PA called "Shady Maple". The owners have developed it into not just a restaurant, but a destination for tourists and locals who like food.
There is a country style market there, as well as a furniture store, RV store, and a Smorgasbord eatery. They also have regular meals served there too.
WLS patients all know and used to love all you can eat places. You could load up a plate in such a way as to look like you aren't eating that much, and then go back as much as you wanted. The exercise you got from getting up from the table defeated any extra weight gain you might incur from the 5,000 calories you consumed.
So, someone at Shady Maple decided they needed to bring more people into their business.
They started a campaign to give Bariatric post patients a discount in order to accomplish this.
1st year, they offer a 50% discount
2nd year, a 10% discount
After that, you pay as everyone else does.
Sounds good on paper, except for a few things:

1. They interviewed Dr. Brader on the news about this idea (My favorite surgeon). He thought it was really stupid because all patients know that this is the type of place they avoid like the plague after their surgery. I didn't like them in the first place, but that's just me. Shady Maple wasn't happy about that.
2. I really don't know any Bariatric post people who are lured by this type of campaign. We know better.
3. Are they envious of our success and are they trying to sabotage us? Or do they have a WLS relative that they are trying to sabotage?

There are still a lot of fat people out there who love that type of eating. More power to them.
But, if you are interested in losing it and keeping it off, as well as being healthy for life, well, need I say more?

Sunday blues

I finished everything food wise, yesterday. Today, I worked some more on the kitchen clean up. I took stuff out, and cleaned the floor, cabinets and microwave.
Things got boxed, and bookcases got moved out. There is room to move a bit now.
I feel better, although it still comes with mixed feelings because the stuff I threw out or stored belonged to both of us and our 34 years of being together.
My wife could never throw anything out. There are coupons from years ago. I found a whole can of Lipton tea mix that has never been opened. It expired back in 2006! I didn't see it although it was one of those huge cans because it was hidden behind some piles of recipes taken out of the newspaper. They were hiding it so well.
The floor had dust bunnies that were huge. I found leftover food, dog food chunks, paper, lids, you name it.
I feel better knowing that the floor has been cleaned. The old stuff has been cleaned and taken out so I can now move through the kitchen again.
I still have to go under the counter and I'm not looking forward to crawling around on the floor to reach whatever is hiding down there.
I accomplished a lot today and would not have been able to do it two years ago.
I also went over to Chuck E. Cheese to see my grandkids playing. I hate that place. It's so loud.
I managed a trip to Home Depot too and bought rain gutter covers to keep debris out. I will climb the ladder carefully, and install them in the next day or so. If i go to see my wife tonight instead, I'll do it tomorrow.
I will have to cut the grass tomorrow no matter what. The rain has just slowed down and hopefully is finished. The grass is growing like crazy. I need lots of energy.
I want to play my guitar, but my heart is still broken and I am still stuck. I now understand why musicians and artists need a benefactor. Someone who pays their keep so they are free to work on the music or art. It's the only way I think. Otherwise, I would spend the rest of my life just keeping up with all the stuff that needs to be done.
Oh, and I'm lonely. There are whole days that go by now that I don't speak to anyone in person. that's strange.