Meeting follow up

I was again amazed at the turnout for the support group meeting. Dr. Brader was supposed to make an appearance, but had other obligations, so Kristin, and Greg did a presentation instead. They were excellent as always, adding wit and comedy to the mix.
The talk was based on Plateaus and how to deal with them.
Now, we are going to miss Greg and Wendy, but they are being replaced by good people, so we will give them a chance, won't we? :)
Anyway, they used a new wireless mic system that worked out well when they figured it out. Everyone got to hear, even those in the back.
Speaking of crowds, you fellow bloggers will be blown away. I counted 13 people in the front row, and at least 10 rows of people. Take off your shoes to count, and that makes at least 130 people! WOW!
We had different groups:

1. Family/friends supporters
2. Pre-op
3. Post-op
4. Band pre and post

I guess there were more than 4 groups, but this time, we split into just two groups, pre/post roux en Y, and pre and post band.
This allows relevant questions to fly all over the place.
I didn't leave until after 9, even though the meeting was supposed to break up at 8:30. I saw people leave around 8:30, but many stayed longer than me.
I learned something, and will apply it in the next week or so.
I'll talk about it as it happens.

Hope and Change

I was asked the other day, if I was experiencing any emotional changes.
The answer to that is YES!
I, like other who have gone through the WLS, all go through it.
It's the roller coaster ride of a lifetime, believe me.
Other people look at me differently. They treat me differently too. They ask personal questions, they don't even know are personal. Some are polite about it, but some just come out and say it.
I don't see the outside of me. I only see the inside me. So, every time they ask me something, it catches me off guard.
I've developed a list of automatic responses, but sometimes, I don't have them ready and I stumble. That's OK.
In addition to all the outside changes, the inside of me is still the old me.
I fight with myself to get up off the couch. I can get up now instead of sitting there all the time, but, my brain is still programmed to sit there and do nothing. yeah, sometimes I'm tired, but mostly, I'm lazy. It's a battle to remember that I'm not fat anymore.
Then, there is the job.
I've been a bus driver for 34 years. I sit on my butt and watch the scenery go by. I get harassed by children, teachers, coaches, principals, and my boss. All of this while sitting on my butt.
So now, because of budget cutbacks of hope and change and the redistribution of wealth from the worker to the welfare society, my pay just got cut to the point where I will have to get another job. I can no longer afford to keep driving a school bus.
This change is a big one for me. I am trying to figure out what I can do for a living.

• I made a living years ago playing my guitar and singing, but that won't work anymore. They don't pay enough to do that.

• I don't think I could sit still long enough to teach guitar, bass, etc. The small room would drive me crazy. I like being outdoors in open areas. I hate being inside.

• I thought about writing my memoirs of my years of driving, so maybe now is the time to do that. I have been thinking about this for a few years now with no forward progress. But with threats of losing my house and other possessions, I have to go get a "REAL" job.

The only thing I think I'm qualified to do right now is work in a grocery store, or fast food joint and I would have to shave off my beard to do that. That's not likely to happen.
I am also DJ, but haven't taken the time or money to keep up with the music the past two years, so I would need an investment to do that. Plus, that takes time to build business.
So, as you can see, I have made excuses for every type of think I could do. I am fighting excusitus.
Add up the other problems, and I need to find a counselor, or win the lottery.......
So, does that answer the question?

Pictures of basement.

Anyone want to help me clear the rest of it out?

The fishtank ha sbeen promised to my son, but he hasn't gotten it yet.

The weight set belongs to my son, but he has no need for it, and probably won't take it anyway. I use it for bench presses, and leg work. The Total Gym is against the wall to the left. The wall behind it is the one that needs the second coat of paint.

Moving forward again

The room with the ratty curtains is the "studio" Notice the padding on the door for sound deadening.
The mural was put there by my Father in law for my Mother in law. It is torn in places and doesn't look as good as in the picture. Now, to the Blog entry:

My brain has a glitch in it. The defrag program has been causing me to wake up too early and I can't get back to sleep again. I hope this doesn't last too much longer. I have to go back to work soon and I need to be awake when I am working. In the meantime, I have finished the basement. With the exception of 2 and a half sections that need a second coat of paint. I can finish that tomorrow. In the basement this morning, I moved the large "credenza" up the stairs and out onto the porch to be removed for trash. It is in pretty bad shape. I had thought I could use it for a special project, but changed my mind. I also moved the weight bench and Total Gym as well as a large steamer trunk and cedar hope chest to the back of the basement, out of the way. I have a small bookcase that used to house a collier's encyclopedia. The books are in the dark room. I will probably try to move them out of here another time. The basement looks great, with the exception of the floor which are old tiles that are glued in. I was going to try to scrape them up, but don't need to at this point. They are dirty and worn out as well as cracked and broken in places. And....they are hard as hell to take up! I tried before. I will wait until I am really angry before I try again. I started to clear out the "studio", which is where I will set up my music equipment when I finish painting it. This is the one bedroom that we have been using for storage while I worked on the basement. Because of my fat, I wasn't able or willing to do this work when it needed to be done. As a result, there is a lot of dust. So, I started moving boxes and containers, and the rest of my music equipment into the back bedroom. This is the room that my wife will take over when I finish all this stuff. She wants a "sewing room", even though she really doesn't sew. She wants to pick the decorations and paint it herself. Which means, I will be painting another room before the year is out. I have to vacuum the studio from floor to ceiling, then roll the carpet and move it out in order to paint. I also have to take the blades off the ceiling fan and cover the rest of it with tape and plastic to protect it. That is the only light for the room, so I have to keep the assembly there for now. There are two windows in the room, but they don't get direct sunlight. They look out onto the porch. I have a few boxes left as well as two 19" CRT monitors that I can't give away. If you need one, let me know and you can come get it. They work fine, but everyone wants the flat screens now. My computer is in the room my wife wants, and has been for the past year. I have a large table and it is hooked to a DSL line that runs from the window. Our phone lines stopped working years ago, and instead of running new lines, I just connected directly to the line out the window. Now, I will have to hook my laptop into the wireless router and leave the router here until I can run new lines. My morning sleeplessness is because of my guilt and frustration for not doing all these things back when they should have been done years ago. I have nightmares about hurting people I love and care about, and wake up in a cold sweat. It takes me some time to regain my composure and start thinking rationally again. Today, I was supposed to go over to the gym to work out, but I knew if I did that, I wouldn't be able to finish the work I have here. I exercised muscles here, but didn't get an aerobic workout, or even an organized workout. That bothers the doctor, but I am not worried. I will catch up! So, while I sit here typing, and waiting for the pictures to download, I will drink my protein and feel good about life!

The end of an era

Well, not really. But for me and lots of others, it is a shock.
You see, two of our three Bariatric team is leaving. Actually, one has already left, and the other is going to leave this month.
They are both going to be missed greatly by me. I am not sure I would have undergone the surgery if it wasn't for them. I still get counseling and information from them.
I'm sure the information that I've divulged here will be spoken about at the monthly meeting. If you don't know who I'm talking about, you will Thursday evening.
Another team mate who was the front desk person has also left. She moved to a nicer climate, and I hope she is happy. She was a very bright light in the office.
There will be two new people taking over, and they are adding another person to the gym which will allow it to stay open longer to accommodate schedules. The gym is free as long as you schedule the time. It is quite extensive. I keep forgetting to take the camera with me to take pictures of the new facility. It is awesome.
Good job Dr. Brader and team!

Beans

I'm going to make my next batch of chili this morning after I get back from the doctor appointment.
I started buying the dried beans because they are cheaper and taste just as good.
I have one more step to add when using the dried beans, but I don't really mind because the beans no longer have any sugar in them, or other additives, and it's fairly easy. Plus, the bags have recipes on them and I can always use a new recipe.
If you have had gastric bypass surgery or lap band, and don't know how to cook.....LEARN HOW!
It is fun and relatively easy. It makes you think about what you eat, and re-enforces good habits. And, did I mention that it's fun?
So, here is how to prepare the beans. If you want, the instructions are on the bag:

• Get a large pot of water.
• Put the dried beans in the water
• Let it sit overnight
• In the morning, drain the water, refill the pot, and bring the whole thing to a boil.
• Let the beans go down to a simmer and let the water evaporate to where you want. If you are making soup, use more water. If you are making a stew or chili, let almost all the water evaporate.

Easy, with little intervention on your part. But, you do have to stay close in order to control the temperature and not start a fire or burn the beans.
Cooking is a hands on sport. Don't walk away unless you know what you are doing. If you forget, you might end up cooking the whole house!

Defragging

The brain is a very complex computer. It processes information that we use on a daily basis, and it has connections to a higher power that keeps itself separate from our everyday lives, but still influences us.
Like any computer that I know of, it has to be de-fragmented or it will stop working or even crash.
When it crashes, we go crazy.
I have always been afraid of losing touch with (so-called) reality, thus losing control of my freedom.
I have fought with myself many times to maintain that control.
Giving in to an overeating disorder that is perpetuated by society was one thing that slipped through the cracks of my control.
I don't have a problem with alcohol. I don't drink.
But with food, there's a real problem. Thus, I had gastric bypass surgery.
So far, it has worked.
WLS has given me the tool I needed to control a part of my life I had no control over.
Now, I can eat in controlled amounts and still lose weight. I have more energy, I feel better, and I have a real chance to get back to where I want to be.
I find that I am having trouble with other parts of my life now, that either weren't a problem before, or they were a problem and were just covered up by my food problem.
I have tried to find a counselor that i can talk with about it. I found one person I really liked, but they have been busy and I haven't been able to get an appointment.
I have tried calling centers in one day, and didn't get replies from any of them. I have a list and I should go down that list, but I keep putting it off.
My thinking is that if I can solve the weight loss problem, I can solve this problem.
I will keep on trying to contact a counselor either way, and hope that I don't lose control of my freedom.

Oh, and back to my defrag thingy:
Our minds need to defrag completely every night on a regular basis. That means a good 7 to 9 hours sleep every night. If we don't, we don't finish our defrag, can't get updated properly, and we slow down or shut down until we do get fixed.
This is a bit worse than throwing away an old hard drive, because we are connected to this hard drive, and can't get a replacement. At least, not yet.