The beginning

I went back to my first post. It seems I waited a bit to get started.
October of 2008 was when I first started blogging.
I had my surgery the end of July of 2008.
I guess it took me that long to learn how to blog.
I guess it took me that long to really believe that I was losing weight.
I'm not sure if it was one or both.
Now, I went to my last meeting a few weeks ago. I hadn't been there in about 6 months because of my Wife's situation, and I finally decided to go anyway.
It was like old times, except better. They streamlined stuff and were much smoother with presentations, and timing and such.
I ended up at the front of the room talking about my journey, and trying to calm some fears and answer questions. A lot of the old timers who were there wouldn't get up and talk. I guess they were tired of it.
Anyway, tomorrow, I am going to see the Chiropractor for the first time in another long time. I put that off too because of the stressful situation.
And, I am going to see my counselor soon too. I need the conversation. She has always helped me, and I hope for more support and a kick in the butt if I need it. (I do)
I am going back to basics very soon. I have some food to unload, and then I'm going back to what worked for me when I had my surgery two years ago. I am going to drop the 40 pounds or more and get back into shape.
Oh, I also got my latest blood test results. I seem to be normal in many of the areas as before, with just a few problems that will resolve themselves when my life returns to normal. I wonder if that will ever happen.
Life is good.

Next step, to take a break.

We all need balance in our lives. If we don't get it, we compensate in some way.

• Some of us eat too much or the wrong foods.
• Some of us stop eating.
• Some of us binge.
• Some of us starve.
• Some of us drink.
• Some of us smoke.
• Some of us escape with drugs.

The problems with some of these listed above, are that they can be addictive physically and it makes it really tough to quit.
Bariatric surgery allows us a tool to control a part of our experience with compensatory eating so that we can regain control.
However, if we don't find and correct the underlying problem that caused the overeating in the first place, our minds and bodies will find a way to defeat that tool.

One of the things we forget about in this society of stress and pressure, is the ability to be able to relax, and recharge.
I have been really stressed because of the situation with my wife. Since I have the summer off, I have been visiting her every day for about two weeks now.
It is a long drive and it's very hard to see her wasting away like she is. She is still sharp, so it's really tough to have to get someone to deflate her "cuff" so she can talk to me for a few minutes.
Her body has failed and she is on full time life support.
When under stress, my reaction was to overeat. Now, I don't feel like cooking. I am running on autopilot.
I am also in limbo because I am unable to do anything about my income, or bills that are piling up. I can afford to pay for the basics in life, but the medical bills keep coming and I hate not being able to pay them.
Top that off with being alone in a house that has been full to the brim for years. I walk around and wonder when someone will pick something up, and then realize that I am the only one here. There are days that go by and I don't actually talk to anyone but me.
I am getting things done. I am working like crazy to finish what I planned to do this summer.
I tried to survive without the AC this summer. I thought that since I lost the weight, i could more easily handle it. Not totally true. I can cut back a bit, but can't turn it off.
So, yesterday, I went to York because my son was getting surgery for his back. I had a rough time going there because it brought back memories of me going to see my wife when she was there. I stayed with his Fiance and made sure he was OK, and then I came home. I took a short nap and headed out to see my wife in Harrisburg.
It turned out to be too much. I made it both ways, but I had to tell my wife that I wouldn't be going to see her today. I needed to take a day off.
I went to bed last night around 9pm, but ended up getting up because there was a wire down from the storms we had, and the power went off and my CPAP stopped. I got back to sleep right after, but had some strange dreams and didn't sleep well.
I woke around 5am, got breakfast, then went back to bed. I slept until 9:30am.
I got up intending to do my workout, but I was too tired, so I went out and cut the grass, figuring I could do my workout after the lawn. It started raining so I only got 2/3 of the lawn finished.
I came in, took a shower, and went and took another nap.
Now, I can judge when I am too tired because I can't think straight. Many things that were easy, become difficult. I had been working on a project for my music that should have been easy, but i couldn't get it right.
So, after the nap, I went downstairs and the solution presented itself.
I still need sleep, and for sure, I didn't plan on all of this happening when I started my quest to lose weight. I don't think I could have made it without prayer, and the support of my friends and the Bariatric team.
So now, I will incorporate taking a break into my routine. I may still be obsessive, but I will force myself to become obsessive about taking time off for me.
Everything in moderation....