April 3, 2010

What do I do? What don't I do?






With my wife being sick, it's a tradition for people in the community to cook meals for the folks who are going through the horrible ordeal.
That's a tough one for me.
First, it is hard for me to make new friends. It's not that I can't. I just have everything on my plate right now that I can handle.
I don't like accepting charity from others, no matter how good the intentions are.
So, I politely decline. I have an excuse. I had surgery. I also have Celiac. No wheat, gluten, Pasta, etc.
I eat like a bird and I like it that way.
Food is no longer an event. It's God's way of supplying my body with fuel. Darn tasty fuel sometimes.
So, with my wife being sick, I don't go out to eat much. I have gotten used to eating in the Hospital restaurants and shops. I like wraps the best because even though they have wheat in the wrap, they are all inclusive foods. I get my protein, carbs, veggies, etc. all in one. I usually buy a piece of fruit although most hospital fruit looks like it's been there for awhile. I also get decaf coffee, or diet iced tea. I hate the bottled water. It tastes like plastic to me.
I haven't been to the movies. The last one we saw together was Avatar. Great movie.
I quit netflix for now.
I was really thinking of dumping Comcast because of the cost, but I need to see the news, and really do like watching when I have no mental energy left to do anything else.
I need to go out food shopping more. I let stuff run out and then have to force myself to go.
I like BJs wholesale because I can save money and buy in quantity. But even that is not as much fun because I don't need that much. My cart is usually half full.
I haven't been out for a walk. The warmer weather has hit and I've gone out on my Helix, but haven't gone for a walk.
I really want to dig into the stuff at home and start packing things up and getting rid of things, but I only have so much time.
I have to get rid of the cat. I can't take care of it, and it's lonely.
There are so many things I want to do but can't right now. I hope that I can do some of them after my wife is gone.
The pictures show what I've been trying to accomplish in the house. She was a hoarder. I got rid of a whole huge trash truck of stuff a few years ago in order to clear out the basement. Now, I am going through her clothing and trying to clear out the closet and dresser so I can put my clothes in, instead of me having to throw them on a trunk.
You can see by the pictures that I have lots of work to do. The black plastic bags are filled with some of her clothes. I still have places to look for stuff. I brought up another container this morning and will dig in when I have time.
So, I need to walk.
I need to get out and enjoy the sunshine.
I need to really dig into the house and clear it out in preparation for sale or for me to restore it and start living again.
What I can't do, is not grieve.

April 1, 2010

What a day!

Today, I took a break form the stress of my wife's situation. Of course, I felt guilty, but I needed a break.
Last night, I came home from seeing her, and did my best not to panic and think about the situation with her.
Instead, I set about making up some chili.
I normally won't start making it that late at night because once I start, I want to follow through and finish. But, last night, I needed to do something.
I did the tomatoes. I bought some new diced tomatoes with jalapenos already in them. I wanted to see how they worked. Since the wife isn't here, I can make things as hot as I want. If it gets too hot, I can always make up a mild batch of chili, and mix the two to cool it down a bit. So far, I haven't needed to do that. I can take the heat!
The aroma was amazing. I didn't really taste it yet since I have 5 quarts of the older chili.
Anyway, I made up the tomatoes, and I had had the beans soaking for two days. Usually, they are supposed to be soaked for an overnight period, but I didn't have time to take care of them.
I drained the beans, rinsed them, and then filled the pot with water to bring it to a boil.
I added my spices to the tomato mixture, and set it to high in the crock pot.
While they cooked, I did other things to keep me busy. I got a load of wash going, and cleaned up a bit.
After I was sure the beans were ready, I mixed them into the crock pot, and set it to low, and went to bed. I also added some water which I usually don't do. I was afraid that it would evaporate too much.
This morning after my bus run, I browned the ground beef, added lots of seasonings, and added the mixture to the chili.
I raised the heat up to high, and propped open the one end of the lid with a table knife to allow some liquid to burn off.
I then got the wash into the dryer, did the dishes, and took a nap. I didn't sleep, instead, just lay there for awhile. Oh, I also got the mower outside along with the for sale sign for it. I started it up just to make sure it still worked. It started on the third pull after sitting all winter. Maybe I should keep it?
I got up and went outside, and started my new Honda mower (1st pull after sitting all winter) and cut the lawn. There were parts I skipped since the grass didn't grow well there yet. But, I chugged along without any trouble, thanks to my weight loss.
I had a neighbor stop by to ask about my wife too.
Then, I came inside and finished up the chili. It was smelling just fine! I got 9 quarts from it, and it did taste a bit warm. I'll get the full effect when I try some next week.
I went over this afternoon and picked up the Accord for the weekend. I tried to do some maintenance on it, but couldn't find the right size tools. My son had borrowed them over the years and never brought them back. So, I imagine that will be the first thing I will do when I get rich is to buy all new replacement tools.
I also took a ride on my Helix to get my new sun glasses. They work great. I can see again in the sun!
So, the day was very busy. I got a lot accomplished, but I still have so much more to do. I didn't get rid of the Damn cat, but I have some folks looking for a home for her. I hope they find something soon because I really can't deal with her much longer.
My weight has stayed the same for months now. I would have thought I would gain weight because of the stress as I have many times before, but I have been able to maintain without too much trouble.
The warm weather will be helping me out too because the grass will be growing much faster. If I can get another full day, I will start to pack some stuff. I finally got enough money to buy some boxes. I want to get all the same size instead of a mixture from the grocery store because I may just store stuff for a bit in order to really clean the house. I have a real estate "stager" coming over to let me know what I need to do in order to get the house ready for sale.
Busy life.
Now, back to thinking about my wife.
Life will be good again.