March 20, 2010

Update for March, 2010

I have been keeping a daily watch on my wife who is still in the hospital and will soon be sent to a nursing home.
She will live out the remainder of her time on life support, something she decided she now wants, for the rest of her life. Without the breathing machine, she would die within an hour or so.
So, my weight loss has been put on hold since she went in February 8.
Notice, I said put on HOLD.

I have stayed within 8 pounds of the weight I was before she went in. I weighed in around 202 and now am 208. I have been weighed around 211, but that was only for a day or so. It all depends on how much liquid I drink, and what I eat.
I plan to lose at least 40 more pounds before I finish.
I admit, I am using pre-prepared meals for my evening meal, and I have eaten one or two more puddings than before, but that will change.
It is very stressful watching someone you love and have been with for 35 years die.
How I deal with it is not the way others might, but that's OK because I am me.
I walk the stairway at the hospital when I can. I even went up 6 flights the other day. It was tough, but I did it.
I have eaten hospital food, and the stuff they make isn't bad. I can actually stay within my diet there because of the variety.
I still take my vitamins and other supplements on schedule.
I find that I can stand more, walk without pain, and have more energy to do the necessary things I need to accomplish.

I hate living alone with a damn cat. I would rather live alone than with a damn cat! I am starting the process of looking for a new home for the damn cat, but it will be tough because she is on a special diet and has to take meds to keep her healthy.

So, I still eat my chili. I made up a fresh batch and added more spice because my wife won't be sharing it.

My finances are about to tank. Disability has cut me in half. The medical bills are now 4 inches thick and getting thicker. I will be making arrangements next week to handle them. I am up to date on the mortgage and all the utilities, but the credit card debt will take me down to serious levels.

Netflix, and my wife's phone have been put on hold. I added texting to my phone because it is easier to send them instead of calling and talking to all the people who want updates on a daily basis. I am considering cancelling Comcast and just doing without TV for a few months. A savings of $780.00 a year! I can't believe some of you out there pay for premium packages that cost more than that. I just have basic cable. It's crazy to pay that much just to watch infomercials and reruns instead of doing real things. I still have the old style 26 inch flat screen TV, and hope to someday have a HD, but that won't be too soon.

Yesterday, I was able to sign on to Skype at the hospital and let my wife see the grand kids in Maryland. She still can't talk, but she could wave and smile.

I will be finishing up the taxes this week too come Hell or high water. I got stuck when I got to totaling up the medical bills from last year. I have to sort them, and since they are all different shapes and sizes, I have piles subject to wind currents and all. So far, I only owe the government 1.2 trillion dollars, so Lord Obama will be able to pay for his stupid health care program when I send him my check.

I have plans of closing up the house and selling it after painting, and repairing some things to increase resale value. I may end up doing that quicker than I planned depending on circumstances. I know I won't make nay money or get rich by doing so. We used up everything we saved long ago.
No pension, no retirement, no savings, oh my!

I had thought of starting a business after my wife passes, but I don't know if that is folly, wishful dreaming, or a possibility.

One thing I am going to do is take a vacation.

Another thing is I am going to start walking again. And, I am looking for a climate that I can spend most of my time outdoors. I hate being cooped up all winter. It makes working outside tougher, and less desirable.
So, now I am heading out to pick up my Purple amp from my guru friend who has modified it and eliminated the buzzing. Then, this afternoon, I will be packing up some nic nacs from a corner hutch so I can give the hutch to my son, and the nic nacs to my daughter.

Tonight, I will go see my wife.

Next week along with the taxes, I will be cleaning and organizing.

Life is good.


March 14, 2010

Mandatory entry


So, what is the worst thing that could happen to a post baritric patient?
Re-gaining the weight lost? Yes!

I am not in that position. I am on a plateau.

I have a life problem that I have to ride out, however long it takes. I hope the people reading this blog don't ever have to do that.

For years, I blamed everyone but myself for my problems. I notice now that there are many things that I never knew how to do. There are things I had no clue about, even though those around me did. They thought it was common for everyone to know those things.

Now, I am experiencing the things I never wanted to. I am finding out who I am. I am solving many problems I had, and finding out what I can't do, even though I want to.

It has nothing to do with weight loss. It has nothing to do with bariatric.

I got married in 1976. I wasn't ready, and I had so much psychological baggage, I had no idea what I was getting into.

I spoke of my dreams of traveling and playing my music, and making lots of money, and having more fun than a normal human should have.

None of those things happened. Instead, Life intervened.

I got to see both of my kids being born. I got to see them grow. I got to see them have kids of their own.

I now have two great kids, and 5 grandkids. I am getting to know each of them, although right now, I don't have energy for anything but my problem.

My wife is in the hospital. She is being treated for complications from her chemotherapy treatment for stage 4 breast cancer. The cancer is under control. It weakened her initially. The chem weakened her even more.

She developed an intestinal problem. They admitted her to the hospital on February 8th. She is still there.

She is now in the ICU on life support. They wanted to pull the plug a week ago, and she fought back and was able to hang on and show progress.

She is now in pretty bad shape. She looks horrible, but all I see is the girl I met at West Chester State College back in 1975. Her bright blue eyes are what drew me to her. Her intellect is what captured me. My heart went next.

My wife was treated for Hodgkin's Disease a year or two before I met her. They did radiation therapy and removed her spleen after doing exploratory surgery.
Since then, she has had a pleural effusion, para-thyroid removal, thyroid removal, and numerous other problems treated both in and out of the hospital.
We may have had a million dollars worth of medical treatment over the years. Who knows? Thank god for medical insurance.

Her once sharp mind is now fuzzy. She doesn't know what day it is unless we tell her. She couldn't tell you who visited her today or yesterday. The news is not important to her. Her company is surviving without her. Her grandkids aren't allowed to see her because she wants them to remember her for who she was, not what she is now. She is only concerned with trying to survive this horrible situation.

This is very tough on me. It is tough on her friends, and family. It is really tough on our kids.

While she is sick, I have to be concerned for the practical problems of life.
  • The bills
  • The upkeep of the house
  • Car inspection
  • Doing our taxes
  • Funeral preparation and expenses dealing with that.
  • My job
You would think that things would get easier if there is only one person in the house, but that isn't the case.

In addition to being at the hospital twice a day, and most weekends, I have to watch what I eat, and how I eat.

In spite of all of this, I haven't gained any weight.

I am grateful for the tool of the surgery to keep me going.

I have the energy to keep on going.

I have to admit, there were two days last week that I thought about cashing it in, and heading south. Or west, or anywhere warm and away from here.

But, I am still here. I am saying my prayers, and dealing with things as well as I can.

It is taking it's toll on me, but I'm still here.

Life will be good again.