Mandatory entry

So, what is the worst thing that could happen to a post baritric patient?
Re-gaining the weight lost? Yes!

I am not in that position. I am on a plateau.

I have a life problem that I have to ride out, however long it takes. I hope the people reading this blog don't ever have to do that.

For years, I blamed everyone but myself for my problems. I notice now that there are many things that I never knew how to do. There are things I had no clue about, even though those around me did. They thought it was common for everyone to know those things.

Now, I am experiencing the things I never wanted to. I am finding out who I am. I am solving many problems I had, and finding out what I can't do, even though I want to.

It has nothing to do with weight loss. It has nothing to do with bariatric.

I got married in 1976. I wasn't ready, and I had so much psychological baggage, I had no idea what I was getting into.

I spoke of my dreams of traveling and playing my music, and making lots of money, and having more fun than a normal human should have.

None of those things happened. Instead, Life intervened.

I got to see both of my kids being born. I got to see them grow. I got to see them have kids of their own.

I now have two great kids, and 5 grandkids. I am getting to know each of them, although right now, I don't have energy for anything but my problem.

My wife is in the hospital. She is being treated for complications from her chemotherapy treatment for stage 4 breast cancer. The cancer is under control. It weakened her initially. The chem weakened her even more.

She developed an intestinal problem. They admitted her to the hospital on February 8th. She is still there.

She is now in the ICU on life support. They wanted to pull the plug a week ago, and she fought back and was able to hang on and show progress.

She is now in pretty bad shape. She looks horrible, but all I see is the girl I met at West Chester State College back in 1975. Her bright blue eyes are what drew me to her. Her intellect is what captured me. My heart went next.

My wife was treated for Hodgkin's Disease a year or two before I met her. They did radiation therapy and removed her spleen after doing exploratory surgery.
Since then, she has had a pleural effusion, para-thyroid removal, thyroid removal, and numerous other problems treated both in and out of the hospital.
We may have had a million dollars worth of medical treatment over the years. Who knows? Thank god for medical insurance.

Her once sharp mind is now fuzzy. She doesn't know what day it is unless we tell her. She couldn't tell you who visited her today or yesterday. The news is not important to her. Her company is surviving without her. Her grandkids aren't allowed to see her because she wants them to remember her for who she was, not what she is now. She is only concerned with trying to survive this horrible situation.

This is very tough on me. It is tough on her friends, and family. It is really tough on our kids.

While she is sick, I have to be concerned for the practical problems of life.

• The bills
• The upkeep of the house
• Car inspection
• Doing our taxes
• Funeral preparation and expenses dealing with that.
• My job

You would think that things would get easier if there is only one person in the house, but that isn't the case.

In addition to being at the hospital twice a day, and most weekends, I have to watch what I eat, and how I eat.

In spite of all of this, I haven't gained any weight.

I am grateful for the tool of the surgery to keep me going.

I have the energy to keep on going.

I have to admit, there were two days last week that I thought about cashing it in, and heading south. Or west, or anywhere warm and away from here.

But, I am still here. I am saying my prayers, and dealing with things as well as I can.

It is taking it's toll on me, but I'm still here.

Life will be good again.