Cut ties!

Last night, I wrote a letter resigning from the support group steering committee and I told the WLS team that I probably won't be coming to support group meetings anymore.
I had taken a break because of my wife, but my missing the meetings allowed me to process information and make my decision more clearly.
I think the meetings served me well, and were needed up until now.
The problem I have is that I stopped being counselled and started counseling others.
I needed to sit and ask questions based upon my current progress. Instead, I ended up being asked the questions.
At this time in my life, I don't have the answers, or should I say, I don't have the energy to supply the answers.
So, I will re-adjust my life to get my answers elsewhere.
I have a counselor who is helping me to find a support system better suited to my needs, and this is just another step in my progress.
My wife is still taking the majority of my time and effort, but I will not give up my weight loss goals which will be reached within the next year, and continue for life.
This blog receives good feedback from folks both local and farther away, and I am trying to expand it a bit so I can receive even more feedback.
I admit that some of my posts have been repetitive, but I have very limited time right now.
Some of my goals for the near future involve much more physical activity, and a change of location at least for part of the year.
I look back at one of my goals and I still think about doing it anyway, even though I am forced to be very frugal until things resolve themselves financially. That goal is:
Buy a season pass to Hershey Park which is about 30 minutes away. That way, I can spend my time walking and watching people. I will take my camera along and take pictures, and get to know every part of the park.
I've had this dream to build my own amusement park, but never had the team to help me do it. I would need designers to make my ideas a reality, and business people to secure the funding for the build. I would need to buy the land, and so many other things. It would be fun and hard work at the same time. But, it would be nothing like the parks that are out there today.
I've been to a few amusement parks in my time, and have seen one that came close, but so far, I'm unique.
Going to Hershey would be fun and a learning experience. I would be surrounded by people and get my exercise all at the same time.
Oh well, maybe next year.

Running out of steam

I have this problem.
I get going full tilt in the morning. Then, I go all day. I run out of steam just about the same time every night.
It's not a physical energy problem, but a mental one.
I can walk, or do something as long as it doesn't involve interacting with people.
If I have something to finish, I can't do it. I just can't.
Now, I know why I can't finish, or interact.
I'm tired of pretending. I'm tired of holding up my facade. I need to let it down and just be me.
I get up around 4:30am every morning, so by about 6pm, I've had enough.
It doesn't help that I live in a tourist area. Lancaster County is the home for the Amish sect.
There aren't just one group of them, but literally dozens of different versions of Amish.
They all have this one annoying habit and it wears me out as a Bus driver.
They all drive one horse buggies and I always get stuck behind them trying to maintain a schedule. I hate it.

They don't have licenses. But they tie up traffic and I swear they are reveling in messing with us "English".

So, the problem really isn't with the Amish, but with the fact that many of the native Lancastrians adopted their style of driving, and they also drive like idiots.
I hate it.
It wears me out.
Now, you should be able to tell about now, that I really don't have anything against any of these people. I have met quite a few of them and they are very nice for the most part.
I am writing this at 5:35pm, and I'm tired.
So, I'm letting myself go a bit and complaining about something totally outside my control.
I'm going to go see my counselor tonight at 6:30pm.
Can you imagine what I'm going to tell them?

Truth and...

I don't have the energy to edit this tonight. I'm typing on this little notebook that is so hard to get it right. My fingers are all over the place.
There are so many fat people out there now. I see them riding in their scooters all the time.
I see them riding the elevators when they could be walking the stairs like I do.
They are constantly looking for the easy way out.
I saw a young lady coming down the walkway with a greasy bag of fries. She was eating a burger while waddling and trying to stay upright. The fat was causing her to struggle for balance.
I used to be like that.
The truth is, there is something in food today that causes excessive increases in the appetite.
People can't even wait to get to a table before they are trying to shovel the stuff in.
I used to be like that.
I get my coffee every morning from Dunkin Donuts. I get the same thing every morning, so the lady at the window has it ready for me when I pull in.
I use the coffee as one of my many intakes of fluid. No calories, just a bit of caffiene, and flavor (it's decaf).
Is caffiene the culpret? No, but it could be.
So, is it sugar, salt, or some super secret hidden ingredient?
I don't know.
Maybe, it's a combination of lifestyle, food additives, brainwashing, and lack of willpower?
I was taught to finish everything on my plate because people around the world were starving. I had to finish whether or not I was still hungry. Heavy was better back then. But we walked more, we didn't watch TV as much. We were active. We burned off extra calories.
So, now we have another crisis.
For those of us who have found WLS, we are the lucky ones.
I wish we could find out what was causing the problems and fix them so that so many people wouldn't need the surgery.