Ouch!

I had a wake up call tonight at the monthly support group meeting.
I hadn't really thought about it, but they were talking about personal support groups. These are the family and friends who know about your surgery and help you get through the process.
I started to think about it, and realized that the only real support group I've had for my weight loss, was professional. I have had no real personal support.
* My wife, as much as I loved her, never supported me in this journey. She never supported me in any endeavor that I've tried. She died last year, and I've had time to reflect and realize this.
* My Son just abandoned me because I stopped giving him money. He was so caught up in his own personal problems, that he never really supported me.
* My Daughter has been very helpful to listen to me, but really didn't talk to me about my surgery, either before or after.
* My sister is a health nut, and is even involved in physical fitness training, but stopped talking to me for reasons she never stated. I don't know if she was angry with me, or what.

I do have friends who have called me on a regular basis. They are moral support for me. They remind me that I am a human, but they don't discuss my WLS.

So, in the beginning, I was charging along on my own with the help and support of the Bariatric Team, and several psychological counselors. After surgery, I went to support group meetings, and kept all my appointments with the Clinic. I saw counselors on a regular basis. One of them also had the surgery, so I felt she had special understanding of my situation.
I stopped going to support group meetings because I was supporting people rather than being supported. I needed help and didn't know how to go about asking for it. I tried to voice this at several committee meetings, but didn't get my idea across.
So for the present meeting, I was quiet and listened, rather than talked or asked questions because I really didn't have any questions.
I listened to other talk about their support team, the love they received, and boy did that hurt.
I have written a lot about the weight loss surgery on this blog and also through emails and letters I've written to friends, so I really can't say I didn't get support. But it sure feels like I'm really alone.

My surgeon resigned at the beginning of this month for reasons that were hidden by the hospital administration. He has been the main part of the support team for 3 years now, and it's not right for him to leave so soon. This type of surgery requires personal contact with the patients much more so than other types of surgery. This doctor has been very accessible to all of his patients from the beginning. He has patients who have followed him from his previous practice which was outside Philadelphia, quite a distance from here.

Our meeting have always been standing room only. I estimate over 100 people at each meeting, and I believe it would go on for hours if it wasn't regulated. People ask amazing questions and they get answers. That's one of the reasons I decided on this practice for my surgery. Dr. Brader was another reason. This guy invented some of the techniques that are used nationally for other surgery. He is personable, and knows what he is doing.

So, I am going to try to build a new support system by going to the clinic and demanding help. I need to get back on track.

Busy progress, but still a long way to go.

Life keeps moving forward, and my posts don't seem to be about WLS as much now because I am living life again.
Too many uses of the word "life"?

This weekend, I will be doing the East Petersburg first Saturday event. We have a car show. They promise to have around 500 vehicles there. Last year, they had 300+. What a great variety.

I will be playing MC and DJ in between musical acts. There will be food and other stuff too. The weather will be perfect, not too hot, not too cold, and no rain.

I am going to bring my guitar with me and try to get the guts to play a song onstage in between sets. I really want people to see that I am something more than just an annoying DJ/MC.

Saturday evening, after the event, I will be going to Adam's county to support my friends in "The Howling". They were going to break up when one of their key players moved out of the area, but his job fell through so he stayed. They added a really dynamic female vocalist and I've never heard her in person, so I hope I have the energy to make the trip.

I've been cutting the lawn in between rain storms, about every other day. Great exercise, but since I wear flat bottomed shoes so I don't mess up my good ones, my feet have been hurting. It feels like I've been walking on rocks. The feet feel bruised. My chiropractor made some suggestions and I will try them to see if they help.

My diet hasn't changed in the past month but because I am more active, I am dropping my winter weight. I've lost about 4 pounds in the past month. I still have problems running out of steam very quickly, so I have to pace myself. I am still careful in what I eat, but I cheat a bit too.

On the home front: I shredded 4 bags of documents that I found in a bin in the basement. They were old bills from 2002 on back to 1998 or so. I thought I took care of all the papers a year ago, but I was wrong.

I started breaking the old boxes down and will put them out to the curb soon. I've gone through a half dozen plastic bins and started sorting out the "archive" stuff that will go to the family, and the stuff that belongs to me that I want to keep. I will probably borrow or rent a truck to transport all of it at one time down to my wife's cousin who wants all of it. She has lots of storage and since the family history is important to her, this will add quite a bit to it.

I found some old books to add to my collection that I probably won't keep. I got rid of at least 1000 books last year. I had read them all, some of them twice, and now have another 1000 to discard. I either give them away, or throw them away depending on what they are. But, I know that I won't need them ever again.

All in all, I feel as if I've made some real progress clearing things out, or organizing them in order to clear them out. When they are gone, I will feel a bit of relief, some regret, and even sadness since they've been with us for so many years. But, it's time to move on.

I have some friends who want to sell their beautiful Log home. They built the place in order to spend the rest of their lives there, but decided they want to live simpler. They have collected items from all over the world. Their walls, shelves, and closets are filled with physical memories. I could spend hours just looking at stuff there. I can't imagine the amount of work they will have when it comes time to clear all of that away. I know it won't all fit into a smaller home.

To me, the home is the most beautiful place I've ever seen. It isn't much larger than my home, but it's up on top of a hill in a secluded, wooded area. The home is made from Pine logs, and the inside walls are filled with amazing knots in patterns. That's why they call it "knotty pine"! But, over the years they filled the walls with stuff and covered up the fact that it's a log home. If I lived there, I think I would keep it very simple and not cover the walls at all.
There is a huge stone fireplace that goes floor to ceiling in the center of the living room, and they have a bridge going from the two upstairs bedrooms across the other side of the room. The walls upstairs are slanted and give the impression of living in a very nice tree house. Even the doors are not rectangular, but angled. They have a full basement and a chute that goes from the second floor to the basement laundry area.

Outside the house, is a trail that goes all the way around the neighborhood, and they routinely have deer and other creatures walking by.

They have problems in the winter with the angle of their driveway, but that wouldn't bother me too much. A tractor can clear the snow away, and they have a parking area at the bottom if the tractor won't do the trick.

Oh well, I can dream about it, but I don't think buying the place from them will happen.

My next steps will be to make sure I finish what I start and move to the next tasks which will be the (UGH!) painting. I still have to finish the stairway to the basement, the bathroom, kitchen, and new outside walls to the porch. The garage floor could use a re-coating, but I may just scrub it down with detergent and stiff brush.

Life is Good.