The holidays for me

To me, this is the worst possible time of year.
I enjoy giving gifts and talking to people, but all of my youth comes back to me, and most of it are not the good parts.
I had lots of good times, and some bad times as everyone has, but the bad times come back to me.

Since I am used to holding in my thoughts and feelings, it hurts to let them out. Of course, I feel better after I let them out, but it still hurts.
I also despise the time after the holidays.
I walk the streets here in East Petersburg, and I see all the beautiful lights (and the not so beautiful ones too!).

After the holidays, some folks hold onto the lights as long as they can. But most, just put them away and that's the end of it.
I enjoy the lights the most. When they are put away, there is a real feeling of emptiness, and let down.
I keep hoping to be able to one day hide out on an island somewhere so I can miss the holiday.

Sometime this weekend, I will be taking a trip to Philadelphia to visit my parent's graves. They are buried in two different cemeteries, on opposite sides of the city, so it will be fun getting there. My Dad is buried next to his second wife, near my grandparents. That's a long story for another time.

This holiday, I have planned to take my Helix apart and paint it, and perform some cosmetic work to it. I also plan to write a story.

One other thing:

I have to decide what to do about my music. I have played guitar since I was 11. I loved doing it back then and made great money at the same time. i was in demand, and quite good at the craft of playing and entertaining. I gave it up for marriage and family obligations. I did play a bit over the years for fun, but never achieved the level of success I had when I was younger. I miss it.

I tried to replace it by becoming a DJ, both on the air and mobile. I worked at various stations in the area, and had a mobile DJ service going until I got too fat.

I still have all of my equipment, although my music collection is a bit dated and could use some freshening up.

My mood is somber, and that's not a good trait for a DJ who wants to entertain people.

My weight loss has come to a halt due to my somber mood, the pressures of my wife's problems, and my willingness to succumb to those problems.

But, life is good.

Alcohol and WLS

This is an interesting article on the subject of alcohol.
I don't really have much to add to the topic since I don't really drink. I did try it for medicinal purposes, as I think I wrote about in an earlier post, and I can tell you it works to help me sleep.
I do agree that the effect is quick to come and go. It's as if it really wasn't there.
I like the feeling too much so I will not drink even when I am able.
Beer is carbonated, so I won't even try that. I used to like the fake beer, but that's OK, I'll pass.
We have about 8 inches of snow on the ground right now, and it's getting deeper quickly, so I think I'll go out and try my hand at shoveling, just for the exercise. I got the car inspected and some stuff fixed, and I went out this morning. The snow is powdery and not too slippery, but with the temps rising over the next few days, it will be a mess.
All things considered, I would rather be somewhere warm watching it on TV!

Illiteracy when it comes to computers!

I got to a certain point in my learning curve dealing with computers, the internet, and all things digital.
Some things just don't make sense to me, unless someone explains them.

I decided to redo my blog format as a way to educate myself to new things digital.

This blog is now easier for me to read because I don't have to scroll down as much to read one post.
All of the other stuff is at the bottom, except for the commercials of course.
I like to change my fonts, but can't find enough variety, so I usually just stick with one or two.
The colors here are pretty bland too, but that's OK.

I will go in and try to figure more stuff out as time allows.

Recipes: poultry/corn soup

You can make your own recipes by experimenting, or by following someone Else's ideas.
So, this morning, I made some soup.
I don't drink soup, but my wife does, and the kind I make will work for me too. It is thicker than the usual soup, which makes it OK for me.

Last week, I cooked a turkey on my Ron Popeil Rotisserie. I added my favorite seasonings. I don't use fake stuff anymore, except for sugar. I figure that since I only eat a small amount of food, I can use the good stuff and get away with it.

So, I made a coating mix of vinegar, a half stick of real butter, and olive oil. I melted them in a cup and used a paint brush to paint the turkey as it rotated. I also added the other half stick to the inside of the turkey.

I make up stuffing separately because I can't eat it (Celiac), but my wife does.

So, when the turkey was finished, I had some with a side of veggies. Then, I broke up the rest.

The dark meat went to a chili I made using beans, seasonings, a bit of this and that. You can find my chili recipe and make your own. I froze it in portions for the near future.

The white meat, I also divided into quart size portions.

Today, I pulled out the old crock pot.

• 1 to 2 pounds of cooked poultry. You may use turkey, chicken, or any other that you cook and break apart. No, you have to get rid of the skin.
  
• 32 ounces of chicken stock (I use Swanson liquid. I bought it from BJ's)
• 2 quarts of water. You may use less if you want it to cook down faster.
  
• 3/15 oz. cans of corn (not creamed). You may add more if you like. Make sure to drain the water. Most canned corn has sugar in it. Why?
  
• Added seasonings to taste: Salt, Pepper, Oregano, Parsley. (I would add hot peppers, or sauce, but the wife doesn't like them, so I'll add them afterwards)
  
• Add any veggies you like, as long as they are in the background, and don't bury the main course. Onions are great, green beans, peas, celery. Bell peppers aren't the best choice but you can if you want. Kidney beans turns it into a type of chili to me, and I have enough chili for now.
  
• 1 large bag of wide egg noodles.

In the large crock pot, add the water and broth. Add the seasonings and stir to mix. Taste and add as you need. Cook the liquid on high.

In a separate pot, cook the egg noodles according to directions. Add to crock pot after draining. Do not rinse.

While the noodles are cooking, add the cooked poultry to the crock pot, making sure to break it into smaller pieces. Don't leave any large pieces because it is hard to drink soup with large chunks.

Add the corn and any veggies to the crock pot.

Add the noodles to the crock pot when ready.

Let the crock pot simmer on high, with the lid slightly vented for a few hours until the liquid decreases to your tastes.

At this point, the mix is ready when you are.

So now, I have turkey and can use it to make a series of meals. I save money, and get some good protein. Since I have it stored in the freezer, if I find any other recipe ideas, I can pull it out and I am ready to go.

Now, if only I was allowed to eat bread, gluten, bagels, pizza......I miss them!

But,

Life

is

Good!

Da Shrink

I highly recommend going to see a therapist after you are a bit settled in your routine as a post bariatric patient.
There are all kinds of things they can help you find and help you fix.
If nothing else, you can have someone to talk to about your problems that doesn't have a stake in the outcome. This makes it easier to talk about things you need to get out in the open, in private. (think about that)

Addictive behavior has many faces and doesn't go away. If you fed your addiction with food, and now, you can't do that, the addiction will pop up as something else. You need to watch out for it. The next addiction will probably get easier to deal with, and will be less dangerous to your health, hopefully.

With time and practice, you will find someone who understands your bariatric problems as well as other problems.

I was lucky enough to have found a post bariatric counselor. This person went through the ordeal about a year before me, so they understand a lot of what I am going through. If you can also find a post patient counselor, you've got it made.

Now, let me talk about alcohol for a few minutes:

I am not an alcoholic. I drank when I was a teen, and into my early twenties. I almost never got drunk, and I didn't crave it.

Alcohol used to make my nose stuffy, and I didn't like that.

When I went onstage, I would order a Blackberry brandy and soda, and then I would sip it through the first set. Then, I had a deal with the bartender where ever I played. If someone bought me a drink, and lots did, he would make me a non-alcohol soda and tell the person I was drinking rum and coke or something similar.

So, when I quit drinking in 1983 (there's a personal reason I won't talk about here), it was no big deal. I have had alcohol since then, and still want to talk about it here.
My Mother used to make me a drink with whiskey and hot tea with honey when I got sick. She would force me to drink it and then bury me under the covers until I sweat the bug out. It used to work well, especially when I had been sick for a few days.
I tried that a few times since 1983. I found out that it didn't work as well because I guess I didn't have enough alcohol in my system with just one shot. I probably needed to drink half of the bottle, and I wasn't willing to do that.

I was warned by my dietitian not to drink without having a designated driver because of the strange effects of booze on bariatric patients. She also warned me to wait a few years to even try it.
Since I don't drink and probably won't take it up, I filed the info away until a week or so ago.
You see, my tastes changed.
I used to have maybe one cup of coffee every few days. Now, I drink it everyday, and usually more than one cup (always decaf!).
So, did my tastes for alcohol change? I wondered.....

With bariatric patients, alcohol has a very strong effect initially. This is how it works:

• You take one shot of whatever.
• The hooch takes effect almost instantly, and hits hard. If you try to stand up suddenly, you will feel it.
• After about 20 minutes, the effect wears off, and you are almost totally sober again.

It's kind of like the difference between analog and digital. Analog takes time to warm up. Digital is almost instant.

Now, one shot is not a lot. But, if you repeat that shot a few times, you will get pretty messed up and stay that way.

So, it's kind of funny the way hooch affects us. I can have a shot of something, or a mixed drink, and walk out 20 minutes later totally sober.

Can you begin to see how this could be very dangerous for post bariatric patients with addictive behavior?

I know one person who goes out to drink almost every weekend. They replaced food with alcohol. The don't just drink one shot. I feel for them because they could fix the problem easily if they chose and still enjoy a drink once in awhile.

So, this past week, I was overwhelmed with emotion, and needed to escape. So, with my evening cup of mocha (cur of coffee with a packet of sugar free hot cocoa powder), I added a half shot of creme de cocoa.
Wow, what an effect!
I drank the stuff just before bed. I got instantly high. The room spun around, and I had trouble focusing. I finished the cup, and headed to bed. I slept like a rock. I felt better in the morning.
I decided I liked the feeling, and I might do it again, but I won't ever do it all the time. Once or twice a year will be OK for me. Things are pretty rough right now (see my previous posts), but they will get better soon, I hope and pray.
Now, on with the story....

I don't believe my addictive behavior was overeating, but it might have been. I believe I didn't take care of myself. I spent all my time taking care of my family, and everyone else but me. I thought I was invincible. I found out I was wrong.

No matter what happens now, I have a second chance, and I will do my best to make it a good thing for me.

If I'm not here, none of this matters....

Life is still good.

Oh am I tired!

What a week so far.

I took my wife in for her chemotherapy today. Yesterday, she was taking the prep medicines, and apparently, she had a slight allergic reaction that caused a tickle in her throat. This caused her to cough every few seconds, no matter how much she tried not to. Ugh!
She was up all night and I was too because of the noise, and the fact that I was worried about her.
When I did sleep, I saw the Angel of death hanging around.

I got up at 4:45am, and left for work around 5:45 after making sure my wife was awake. I layed the house phone across the room from her, and moved her cell phone, so she would have to get up to search for it. She always answers the phone no matter what, so it worked as a great double alarm clock. Then, when I was on the road, I called her on both phones, one after the other.

I got home before 8 from my school bus run, and took my wife over to the Health Campus for her first chemo session.
After I got her settled, I headed home, took a shower, ate something, did the dishes, and headed back to pick her up around 11:00am.

Wrong!

I had to wait with her until 1pm because they started her drip very slowly so she would adapt to the poison entering her body.
The worst is yet to come. Believe me, I wouldn't ever do this to myself.
So, after my afternoon bus run, I cooked dinner for us, then I took a walk in the dark to see the Christmas lights in the neighborhood.

I am now sitting here typing and getting ready for an early night.
The meeting at the Bariatric Clinic was a good one. We listened to and participated with the exercise physiologists as they talked about, you guessed it, exercise. Good meeting.

I went to the WLS steering committee meeting last night, and was able to influence the future of the meeting in a positive way. I'll talk about that another time.
Oh, am I tired!
Life is good!

Balance

I didn't really start to gain weight until I started working. I was doing many 12 hours shifts, and then playing all night. My energy was being burned off too fast and I got tired. It was easier to just fix something quick as long as it had lots of flavor, cheese, and other fat laden foods.
When I started sleeping in because I wasn't getting enough sleep, the weight went up.
So, when I lost my balance, I gained weight.
What are those things that I needed for balance?

• The proper mindset - This one is key. If we had no emotions, weight loss wouldn't be an issue.
• Sleep - Many people think they can get by with less sleep. Wrong. They are probably so fatigued that they are shortening their life. I am a firm believer in getting a nap every day as well as a full night's sleep.
• Schedule - I am a firm believer in maintaining a schedule. I get up early, even on the weekends. My body and mind are happier. The one thing I do, is to not use an alarm clock. That allows me to sleep just a little longer. If I find that I am sleeping more than an hour later than usual, I know that there is something wrong. It's a great signal to help me fix things before they get too bad.
  
• The physical body - Everyone is built slightly different. We have different blood types, we are different sizes and shapes. Our chemical makeup can cause problems, as well as helping us.
  
• Location - Living in this particular part of the country (Central Pennsylvania), I have been told, exposes us to almost all of the bugs that exist in the United States to make us sick. For a person living here all their life, they adapt by getting sick and developing immunities. So, this is a benefit. For folks coming here from other areas of the country, this may not be a good thing. Many of them get sick, and some of them die. My cousin moved here from Florida. He got sick and almost died. He spent weeks in the hospital.
  
• The seasons - We gain weight in the fall. We are animals. Our bodies store fat which is converted into food, when food isn't available. It also insulates our bodies so we burn that food slower. This is not something we can control. I am not sure if the folks who live in a non-seasonal area have the same problems. I know I do. As the spring arrives, we should begin to become more active and thus burn off the extra fat, but you know how that works.
• Available food choices - The key word here is choice. That little word can really mess us up. (or is it us who are doing the messing?) If we had no choice but to eat a pre-arranged caloric/nutritious meal, we wouldn't have the problem. But, we have choice. And that allows us to cheat, or get lazy.
• Our beliefs - if you think you can succeed or fail, you are right. Don't blame anyone except the one you see in the mirror every morning.
  
• Support - this is the smallest part of the balance unless we are being abused. If we are being forced to act in ways that aren't conducive to acting as close to normal, we might have a problem. But, most problems we experience, can be controlled, or changed. If we are being abused, physically or mentally, we can always leave. We may make excuses to not do so, but then that becomes our problem. This is the smallest part of the balance system, as I said above. We are supposed to be the ones in control of ourselves, so think twice about blaming others before you look at yourself. (sounds like a song)
• Health - how badly have you messed up your system before you started this diet? If you are morbidly obese, you probably have other health problems caused by your weight. You may or may not be able to overcome these problems. If you can, good for you. If not, God bless you.
• Faith - your religious beliefs can help you.
  

So, balance consists of all of the above, and maybe more that I don't know about. If there were just 3 or 4, it would be easy to balance yourself. Add on the variations, and unknown factors, and you are lucky to have found bariatric surgery.
I sure was.
Life is good!