Everytime I think I have the grief thing conquered, it comes back to bite me.
My plan was to start packing things up today. I've been planning it all week.
The problem I am having is slowing me down, not stopping me.
I keep finding memories.
I have been going over this in my head. I need to organize things, pack some of it away, throw some of it out. I need to sell some of it, and maybe give some of it away. I think I covered everything.
The problem are the memories.
I didn't remember that I packed a pile of them into drawers of my wife's night stand, and in her drawers under the bed.
Today, I found them.
I have boxes all ready to go. They are just the right size for me to pack, seal, label, and carry without too much trouble. They are just the right size that I can fill them up and not be too heavy. I've seen people pack the really big boxes, and then have them fall apart because they were too heavy. I've learned from my mistakes. My boxes are good, well made boxes!
So, I opened a drawer and found a canvas bag from the funeral home with all the cards from people offering condolences. There were newspaper clippings of when Donna was a child and got her picture in the paper. There were old photos that I totally forgot about.
There was a bag of scarves, hats, and even wig shampoo. There was a knit shawl that someone called a prayer shawl. They made it for her, prayed over it, and gave it to her. She had it with her when she died.
There were cards for many occasions, including some from the grandkids to me. There were pictures made by the grandkids for her that hung in her room at the nursing home.
So, instead of just throwing it all into a box and packing it away, I had to read it all and grieve. It wasn't very time efficient, but it was cathartic.
Now, I'm going to take my afternoon nap, and dig in after I wake up and do it some more.
My holiday will consist of going to see my sister for Thanksgiving. I plan to do some food shopping on Friday, and maybe go out to hear a band if I can find one. I will have to force myself to do that, but I know it will help me to feel better.
I plan to continue to pack things up, clean a bit more, and hope to see some progress by the time I go back to work next week.
I also plan to play the guitar a bit to see if I can find the music in me again. My finger still hurts like crazy, but I will try anyway. Maybe I'll create a new type of music that consists of strumming a chord, then screaming in agony!
My amplifier project is still on hold, but I do have it all lined up for when it gets started again.
My blog title (Life is Good!) isn't helping me too much the past few weeks. I just can't seem to break through to the other side and start climbing up again. But, I'm not giving up... ever.
My plan was to start packing things up today. I've been planning it all week.
The problem I am having is slowing me down, not stopping me.
I keep finding memories.
I have been going over this in my head. I need to organize things, pack some of it away, throw some of it out. I need to sell some of it, and maybe give some of it away. I think I covered everything.
The problem are the memories.
I didn't remember that I packed a pile of them into drawers of my wife's night stand, and in her drawers under the bed.
Today, I found them.
I have boxes all ready to go. They are just the right size for me to pack, seal, label, and carry without too much trouble. They are just the right size that I can fill them up and not be too heavy. I've seen people pack the really big boxes, and then have them fall apart because they were too heavy. I've learned from my mistakes. My boxes are good, well made boxes!
So, I opened a drawer and found a canvas bag from the funeral home with all the cards from people offering condolences. There were newspaper clippings of when Donna was a child and got her picture in the paper. There were old photos that I totally forgot about.
There was a bag of scarves, hats, and even wig shampoo. There was a knit shawl that someone called a prayer shawl. They made it for her, prayed over it, and gave it to her. She had it with her when she died.
There were cards for many occasions, including some from the grandkids to me. There were pictures made by the grandkids for her that hung in her room at the nursing home.
So, instead of just throwing it all into a box and packing it away, I had to read it all and grieve. It wasn't very time efficient, but it was cathartic.
Now, I'm going to take my afternoon nap, and dig in after I wake up and do it some more.
My holiday will consist of going to see my sister for Thanksgiving. I plan to do some food shopping on Friday, and maybe go out to hear a band if I can find one. I will have to force myself to do that, but I know it will help me to feel better.
I plan to continue to pack things up, clean a bit more, and hope to see some progress by the time I go back to work next week.
I also plan to play the guitar a bit to see if I can find the music in me again. My finger still hurts like crazy, but I will try anyway. Maybe I'll create a new type of music that consists of strumming a chord, then screaming in agony!
My amplifier project is still on hold, but I do have it all lined up for when it gets started again.
My blog title (Life is Good!) isn't helping me too much the past few weeks. I just can't seem to break through to the other side and start climbing up again. But, I'm not giving up... ever.
