August 3, 2009

Defragging




The brain is a very complex computer. It processes information that we use on a daily basis, and it has connections to a higher power that keeps itself separate from our everyday lives, but still influences us.
Like any computer that I know of, it has to be de-fragmented or it will stop working or even crash.
When it crashes, we go crazy.
I have always been afraid of losing touch with (so-called) reality, thus losing control of my freedom.
I have fought with myself many times to maintain that control.
Giving in to an overeating disorder that is perpetuated by society was one thing that slipped through the cracks of my control.
I don't have a problem with alcohol. I don't drink.
But with food, there's a real problem. Thus, I had gastric bypass surgery.
So far, it has worked.
WLS has given me the tool I needed to control a part of my life I had no control over.
Now, I can eat in controlled amounts and still lose weight. I have more energy, I feel better, and I have a real chance to get back to where I want to be.
I find that I am having trouble with other parts of my life now, that either weren't a problem before, or they were a problem and were just covered up by my food problem.
I have tried to find a counselor that i can talk with about it. I found one person I really liked, but they have been busy and I haven't been able to get an appointment.
I have tried calling centers in one day, and didn't get replies from any of them. I have a list and I should go down that list, but I keep putting it off.
My thinking is that if I can solve the weight loss problem, I can solve this problem.
I will keep on trying to contact a counselor either way, and hope that I don't lose control of my freedom.

Oh, and back to my defrag thingy:
Our minds need to defrag completely every night on a regular basis. That means a good 7 to 9 hours sleep every night. If we don't, we don't finish our defrag, can't get updated properly, and we slow down or shut down until we do get fixed.
This is a bit worse than throwing away an old hard drive, because we are connected to this hard drive, and can't get a replacement. At least, not yet.


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