The next two weeks

Gee, I was wrong. I do have something new to say.
I am still coming up with new recipes for myself dealing with celiac, and weight loss.

It's still tough to balance everything.

I am going to be participating in a new program, or at least I hope to. It is strictly for old timers like I'm going to be. That is, people who are two years out or more from their surgery.It seems we all have the same basic problems. We can't remember what the heck we are supposed to do in order to maintain weight loss. We don't really need to go back to square one, although that works too. What we need is support and understanding.

We need to know that we aren't going to be treated as newbies when we go to meetings. We also don't want to be treated as royalty. The only thing different between me and a newbie is that I am two years out from my surgery. The surgery allowed me to be alive. It allowed me to maintain my weight loss, but it is only a tool. I have to remember what I am supposed to be doing. It's still a process. It's still a hassle. It's all worth it, but it is a hassle.

I visited one friend who always offers me something to eat or drink and I turn him down. Thankfully, he understands and isn't offended when I refuse.

So, hopefully, I will get involved in the post program and it will help me to maintain my weight loss.

Next:

I have been evolving through the death of my wife and loss of her council in various areas. That's what I am referring to in this post. We used to talk about things until they were obvious as to what we should be doing. I was always wrong as it turned out, so I depended on her council and wisdom in my purchases. So, when I want to do something now, I think about those times of discussion.

Now, however, things are different.

You see, I wasn't always wrong. She just made it appear that way.

So, I have this insurance money....

I am all alone and have to decide some very serious things.

• Do I stay where I am or do I sell the house and move?
• Can I afford to do the things I am doing?
• Will I ever play my guitar and sing for money again?
• Do I have to get a "real" job, or can I depend on my writing and music for money?
• Does it really matter, all of this?
  
• Can I live in an apartment or other type of dwelling, or am I too set in my ways and have to live in a condo or house?
• Can I live in my car or a cardboard box if I want? Can I be a street musician?
• Can I be an actor or a bit part actor?

So, I bought a car. I spent some of my insurance money and bought a car that is totally out of character for me. It's the red one in the picture above.

No children allowed in this car.

It ain't gonna go anywhere when it snows, even if I want it to go. It's too low to the ground and it has low profile tires. It has a top speed of 142mph, and I'm never going to see if it will go that fast. It rides like a dream, except that it's a bumpy ride for us old people. I've gone almost 400 miles in it so far, and I love it!

So, I bought it, and my wife would have hated it because it isn't practical.

I decided to keep my CR-V (the blue car in the picture above) so that I can go in the snow. I will also be able to carry people and things in it. It is a practical car. It is a fun car. But it isn't as fun as the Acura RSX type S.

I negotiated a great deal and I paid for it in cash. So, both of my cars are paid off. Now I am a bit poorer, but I am still OK for another two years.

And finally:

I have been struggling with the question:

• Do I sell my house, or do I keep it?

The problem lies with the expenses of living here. If I stay, I feel compelled to fix it up, repair it, paint it, clean it, etc.
This takes time and money.
Money is a problem because I could spend another $30,000.00 easily just to do the bathroom, kitchen, and other things that really need to be done.
Compelled is the problem. I feel that way because I was raised to live in a clean house. I have not been able to do that all these years because of my family and myself. I got fat and couldn't do the work myself. My wife hoarded things. My kids had their own life and I couldn't catch them to help, although they always pitched in when I asked.
So, I have been living in a less than perfect condition for my own sanity. No one else's, just mine.
I want to live in a clean house, where ever I am. That's just me.
This takes up my precious time.
So, in the past few days, I have been allowed to do some thinking for myself.
I am going to close off parts of the house so that I don't have to worry about them. I will close the doors and use those areas for storage. I will turn off the heat to those areas. This way, it will be as if I am living in a small apartment. I won't have as much to worry abotu or distract me from doing what I need to do.

I decided:

• I am going to take the next two weeks and not do anything to the house other than general cleaning. This means that I will do the dishes, laundry, and pick up after myself. I will not paint, or gather up stuff to be trashed. I will not do anything other than the basics.

1. I am going to start walking. I got two new pair of walking shoes as mentioned in another post. I will have 3 pair of those expensive socks soon. They arrive in the mail in the next few days so I will be able to use one pair and then another instead of washing the same pair over and over.
2. I plan to play my guitar and sing. I now have all of the equipment I need to do that. I will learn at least half the songs I need to go onstage. Then, I will make arrangements to record my music. I play guitar and bass. I can do multiple harmonies with my friends help recording.
   

• I plan to walk twice a day, every day. I plan to take an extra long walk every weekend.
• I plan to make sure I have proper gear and clothing so I can walk no matter what the weather. This will be my main exercise for the next two weeks. If I do it right, I will continue to walk all winter until I lose my extra weight.

Sometime in the next few days when I am too tired to do anything except sit at the computer, I am going to set a date and start making plans for a Levittown get together in November. I made a promise to do this the day of Donna's funeral. I spoke with friends who were there for the service, so now is the time.
Also, I have a dear close friend who has been incarcerated and wasn't able to attend the service. I promised to write him a letter, but haven't done it yet. I don't know quite what to say to him, but the words will come as they always do. I hope to see him again and make sure he is OK. He was my best friend in Levittown, but we went our separate ways after I left. I miss him terribly and want him to be well.
My thanks to Larraine for her kind words, and I do plan to meet her sometime in the very near future. She was only 10 minutes from here a week or so ago (Lititz) and she is on my "todo" list.