The pictures here are older ones that may not be that great as far as resolution. Enjoy them anyway. With my new Cable modem, I used full resolution rather than downsizing them. maybe they will turn out.
I don't know about the rest of you WLS people, but I go to see a counselor to help me work on the problems that I had that helped contribute to my weight gain in the first place.
I was a comfort eater. I ate in order to replace the love and affection I didn't think I was getting elsewhere.
My life was SO not my own, to use the current vernacular.
I was working for everyone else's sake, and not my own.
Now that it's my turn, I am having trouble making the transition to me instead of everyone else.
I wanted to take a vacation over the holiday since I have off for the entire week between now and New Years. I wanted to do something totally unique that would not be something that I would normally do.
But, I am not ready. I don't want to go alone.
I am not ready to jump back on the horse and find another mate yet. I'm not sure I will ever want to find another mate. I'm not sure I ever want to get married again.
But, I know that I don't want to vacation alone. I did that once, and didn't like it.
I made it through the holidays and maybe next year will feel a little more like doing something more. But this year was tough. I thought about last year and that was bad because I knew that my wife was sick, and couldn't enjoy the season as she wanted.
I tried to take her for a walk through the neighborhood last year at this time to see the lights. I managed to get her about 5 houses down, and she had to go back home again because she was too tired. I felt that very strongly this year when I went past the same houses. I did a lot of walking past those houses this year.
Every year, we would go for drives after dinner to see the homes that were all decked out. I didn't do that this year.
There is one place near Manheim that decorates all of their trees. They have maybe 10 acres, and a drive through there is a real treat. They play Christmas music through speakers, and there is a fence that lines the drive. People go through there with their headlights off, but because of the amount of lighting, it is easy to find your way. We used to ride through with the windows open to hear the music, and I would turn the heat on high so Donna would be comfortable.
So, the memories flood in, and I decided to allow them to flow so I can grieve and finally get on with my life.
The wind has been brutal the past few days, so I've stayed inside to work on my music and watch movies and read.
Tonight, I will take a long walk to clear my head. I am undecided whether I will work on my music, clean the house, or take a drive.
The drive sounds good, but I have left over guilt. I think I'll head out before it overwhelms me......see you later!
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