I woke up at 3am with my mind in full swing. The negative part of me was in a panic. The positive side was still sleeping.
This happens a lot. I wake up too early, and have to calm my mind down in order to get enough sleep.
This morning, I decided to get up and do something instead of just lying there feeling sorry for myself.
I made a decision that is causing the panic and have been making decisions like that for a few months now.
I decided to sell the house and move to Florida. I have no idea where in Florida, just that I want to go there. They have music, and other jobs that I can do. I may not have to drive a bus anymore. That alone would make me happy. But, I have nagging questions that keep popping up at 3am. They threaten to make me go off the deep end. 3am is a terrible time to be alone.
The questions that keep challenging me:
How much stuff do I need to live?
How little do I need to live?
Will I be damned to Hell if I throw something out?
Will my wife come back and haunt me if I throw something of hers out?
Will my kids disown me if I throw something out?
These are all irrational questions during the day, but not at 3am.
Some people can live with no possessions at all. But in America, the one with the most toys wins!
This works in weight loss too. If I don't eat hearty, does that mean I'm living in squalor or poverty? Am I less than human if I eat what I should, and not be gluttonous?
So, the unknown journey begins for me. Oh, I've been down this road before, but never by myself.
There are some things I have that for some reason, I don't see. I pass by them thinking that they are important and should be left alone.
This week, starting right now, I am going to start filling trash bags with stuff like that and throw it all away. Maybe in a thousand years, some archaeologist will dig it up and think it is an important find, but for now, it's just another thing I don't need to carry with me.
I have a junk man that comes around when I call. He will take anything I need to be gotten rid of. I also still have 100 or more 45 gallon bags that I can take to the curb after I fill them up. I don't know if I can fill them all, but when I leave here, it all has to be gone and I don't want to take it with me.
My daughter has taken a pile of stuff, and now has no time or desire to take any more of it. My son has no interest at all. My wife's relatives have told me they want some things, and I have them separated for them, but if they don't come get them, they aren't going to get them. I will call them this week.
So, after all this time of collecting "stuff", the time has come to let it all go. I don't need anything that has been stored in a box or on a shelf in the basement since 1992.
I've scoured Ebay, and Craigslist to see if any of it has value. None of it does.
The musty odor of old books will soon be gone from the basement. The books upstairs have fared better because it is dryer and warmer. But, many of them will not go with me either. I've read them all at least once and maybe more than that. I could list them on Amazon and maybe get a few dollars for them, but my time now is too important. I need to work on my new life, and get rid of the old life as fast as I can.
I have sold a lot of stuff and will sell some more before I leave. But some of it isn't worth selling.
I'm pulling the bandages off very quickly that have covered wounds that have been there for many years. Yes, it hurts like Hell, but the pain is temporary, I hope.
People are afraid of going crazy, yet, if they go crazy they won't really have anything to worry about. I won't go crazy, but I may suffer a bit more.
Let's see if I can survive this move.
This happens a lot. I wake up too early, and have to calm my mind down in order to get enough sleep.
This morning, I decided to get up and do something instead of just lying there feeling sorry for myself.
I made a decision that is causing the panic and have been making decisions like that for a few months now.
I decided to sell the house and move to Florida. I have no idea where in Florida, just that I want to go there. They have music, and other jobs that I can do. I may not have to drive a bus anymore. That alone would make me happy. But, I have nagging questions that keep popping up at 3am. They threaten to make me go off the deep end. 3am is a terrible time to be alone.
The questions that keep challenging me:
How much stuff do I need to live?
How little do I need to live?
Will I be damned to Hell if I throw something out?
Will my wife come back and haunt me if I throw something of hers out?
Will my kids disown me if I throw something out?
These are all irrational questions during the day, but not at 3am.
Some people can live with no possessions at all. But in America, the one with the most toys wins!
This works in weight loss too. If I don't eat hearty, does that mean I'm living in squalor or poverty? Am I less than human if I eat what I should, and not be gluttonous?
So, the unknown journey begins for me. Oh, I've been down this road before, but never by myself.
There are some things I have that for some reason, I don't see. I pass by them thinking that they are important and should be left alone.
- I have a black and white photo of my father in law. It is in a frame, and hung on the wall years ago when he lived here. Now, it sits in the basement on a back shelf. For some reason, every time I go past it, I put it aside rather than throw it away or store it in some box to be dealt with at a later time. There are many things like that here.
This week, starting right now, I am going to start filling trash bags with stuff like that and throw it all away. Maybe in a thousand years, some archaeologist will dig it up and think it is an important find, but for now, it's just another thing I don't need to carry with me.
I have a junk man that comes around when I call. He will take anything I need to be gotten rid of. I also still have 100 or more 45 gallon bags that I can take to the curb after I fill them up. I don't know if I can fill them all, but when I leave here, it all has to be gone and I don't want to take it with me.
My daughter has taken a pile of stuff, and now has no time or desire to take any more of it. My son has no interest at all. My wife's relatives have told me they want some things, and I have them separated for them, but if they don't come get them, they aren't going to get them. I will call them this week.
So, after all this time of collecting "stuff", the time has come to let it all go. I don't need anything that has been stored in a box or on a shelf in the basement since 1992.
I've scoured Ebay, and Craigslist to see if any of it has value. None of it does.
The musty odor of old books will soon be gone from the basement. The books upstairs have fared better because it is dryer and warmer. But, many of them will not go with me either. I've read them all at least once and maybe more than that. I could list them on Amazon and maybe get a few dollars for them, but my time now is too important. I need to work on my new life, and get rid of the old life as fast as I can.
I have sold a lot of stuff and will sell some more before I leave. But some of it isn't worth selling.
- I will be donating 500 hangers to Goodwill. Maybe they can sell them, use them, or give them away.
I'm pulling the bandages off very quickly that have covered wounds that have been there for many years. Yes, it hurts like Hell, but the pain is temporary, I hope.
People are afraid of going crazy, yet, if they go crazy they won't really have anything to worry about. I won't go crazy, but I may suffer a bit more.
Let's see if I can survive this move.
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