Ramblings of a mad man

The holiday is over for now, and it causes quite a drop in emotion. It does that every year, but this year, it is a little more intense.
Many people reported on Facebook that they couldn't sleep last night and I was one of them. I got up around 2am and couldn't go back to sleep.
It's all part of the holiday aftermath.
I have tried to stay away from the things that make me not be able to sleep. I follow patterns if I can. I go to bed around the same time every night during the holiday, rather than stay up later.
This year, I took long walks before bed. Unfortunately, I stayed up later than I should. I am alone, and lonely, and that makes it tough to go to bed early.
So, I watched movies, and TV, and did other things in the evening.
Now, I am tired. I have things to do and I'm tired.
Forcing myself to enjoy something isn't near as much fun as actually enjoying something. (madman)
I think I'll take a nap and try to get something done later today.
I accomplished so much this holiday, yet the let down of the holiday itself shadows that work.

• I pretty much kept to my diet. I had two tubs of leftovers that I brought home, and still have one of them. They are about a quart in size.
  

• I walked a lot, but not enough. The wind always discourages me from walking and it was windy a few days. I waited until late evening to walk one day because of the wind.
  
• I did get my priming/paint project started, but got this cheap primer that doesn't seem to want to cover the walls, so I either have to take it back, or use it for several coats and hope it stays where I put it. I would hate to take it back to Wal*Mart and stand in line for an hour. Next time, I'll buy the good stuff.
• I did a lot of research on recording equipment and have several choices, or none. One of them requires me to finally break down and buy a Mac. The cheapest choice would be to forget about recording multiple voices and just do me playing guitar and singing. I could also quit playing altogether and save a lot of time and money. Nah...
• The movie I saw helped me a lot. Crazy Heart is about a guy my age who has finally figured out how to survive the rest of his life (unlike me) by getting and staying sober. I have been sober since 1980, so I've already got that licked. The problem with a movie is that it's just that. Life is different. I did see several part of The Wizard of Oz in HD. It was brilliant as always, but in HD, it was amazing! I am so glad I bought the TV.
  
• I bought a Lane Cedar hope chest. This may sound like something strange, but I've wanted to buy a piece of furniture that no one else owned, and this was it. I cleaned the 10 drawer monster dresser out, moved it to the back bedroom, and cleaned the area where it was before placing the much smaller chest in it's place. This opens up room in my bedroom and makes it look larger. I will store my summer clothing there instead of the closet. This will open up room in the closet so I don't end up cluttering it up. My wife's cedar chest is worn from years of abuse, so I will probably sand it down and refinish it over the winter before trying to sell it, or give it to one of the kids. I have one other storage chest that is not cedar that I will sell. I found out that if you have storage space, you have the tendency to want to fill it with something. I will have lots of space in the near future, but I won't fill it with anything other than the bare basics. I will be selling the huge dresser, so if you're in the market....
  
• I will start work on the porch soon. I got an estimate to put up two walls in order to enclose it. Right now, it's a breezeway in the worst sense. The wind howls through there pulling out any warm air it can from the two bedrooms. Even though they have double pane windows, the bedrooms still get cold. If I enclose the porch, It will cut that wind, and I will have a place that I can use as a quiet place. The walls will be insulated, and I may heat it later if I decide it's needed. I can use a space heater for now if I choose.
  

I'm trying to find myself, and I am surprised and disappointed every day, every waking moment, and even sometimes when I'm sleeping.

Without the weight loss surgery, I wouldn't have been able to get even this far. I couldn't have lost the weight on my own. A disaster would have been in the works had I not found it.

Sometimes, I feel like the guy in the story "Flowers for Algernon" . I had the miracle happen, and now I feel as if it's slipping away. That's the mad man inside of me. I know I don't have to let that happen.

So, as I finish the second useless coat of primer, I have other more important things to do.
Onward and upward!