Milestones abound

I got up at 3 am. because my mind wouldn't quit last night.
It wanted to make me panic that I had run out of money and was going to be hunted down and shot, or something like that.
So, I got up and walked around. Then, I went online and surfed a bit.
When my wife got up at 4:45 am. , went and did some stuff I needed to do.
I figured I had a full day ahead, so I planned it out. Usually when I do this, I don't get everything done. But today was different. (Yesterday)
I finished everything I needed to do and then some.
I went to the gym at 7. I got back home around 8. I did a good workout and felt awake, but tired.
When I got home, I started in on the freezer and fridge. I pulled the old fridge out after moving all the food to the freezer, and cleaned the floor and walls behind.
Then, I started in on the rest of the kitchen. I had to move quite a lot of stuff, but I finished.
I was going to try to nap and then wait for the guy to bring my new/old fridge, but he called and was heading over, so I waited for him.
It took him about an hour to move the old unit out and the new one in. Our doors are too narrow, so we had fun.
When they left, I repopulated the new fridge after cleaning it and letting it cool down.
Then, I got my butt in gear and went out and cut the lawn.
No, I didn't. I took a nap, and then I cut the lawn. The whole lawn! It was 87 and the humidity was off the scale, so I worked up a sweat. I only stopped once for liquid and to catch my breath.
When I finished, I took a shower, ate, and then headed out to my East Petersburg Day meeting. I got home at 9 pm.
I almost forgot my online meeting, so I logged on and finished that at 10:30.
Man, was I tired!
So, I got to do everything I set out to do yesterday, and I actually finished everything on my list!
That's a milestone for me.
And, I lived to tell about it today.
Thank God I found WLS!

Oh my aching back!

It's from stress, and not physical.
As hard as I have tried, I am still failing.
My refrigerator died today.
So, as I always try to do, I found one from an ad on Craigslist for a relatively small amount of money.
The problem is I forgot that I paid all the bills this week, and I spent money at BJs for food and other supplies today.
When I went to check on my account, I found that I was going to be overdrawn. So, I went to another account and found out I was wiped out there too.
I am hoping BJs doesn't post the bill until at least Thursday. Otherwise, I'll be paying bills with money that isn't there.
I know the government can print money to pay for things they can't afford. Too bad I can't do the same.
I haven't been this poor for a good many years. I've always been able to provide for my family. It's killing me to not be able to keep up anymore.
Anyway, I got a discount on the fridge. I also got it delivered free because the guy is going to take some of the stuff off the porch, such as the washer, and water heater that he can get scrap fees for to recover his costs.
So far this summer, I replaced the Water Heater (I had to buy a new one at full price but installed it myself to save money), the washer ($50), and now the fridge ($100).
Two years ago I got the lawn mower for free. I fixed it up and am still using it. I also bought the washer and dryer before that for $2 total. Yup, that's right $2. I think I got my money's worth.
Now, I need to get myself a full time job to pay off my debt.
I'm trying. I really am.....

Workout?

My Physiologist had a pile of paper for me this morning. She was actually listening to me when I told her I wanted to get rid of the pain in my back by building my muscles.
She gave me a whole list of exercises to add to my routine just for my back.
Since I have a written schedule to keep track of where I am going, this will be fun for me. I can look back and see the progress.
I did schedule Wednesday and Friday already, but will have to cancel Friday because my Wife has a hospital visit and I have to be there for her.
I wish they had a 7 day schedule, and longer hours, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. I know I can't afford to join a gym, and I won't get the same attention there, so I will have to learn what I can here and take it with me when I can't go anymore.
I doubled what I did last week on the machines, but that really isn't getting me to work up a sweat....yet. I will continue to double what I do, and also try to increase the level of difficulty in order to work up that all important sweat. I did lose another pound or so.
I also found that I had to force myself to eat before going this morning because, I wasn't hungry. That's a strange feeling.

I am also looking for work.

I would like to write a book, but doesn't everyone want to do that?

I started to play my guitar today. I listed 6 songs I would like to try. I got the lyrics online, and will write the chords as a further step over the next few days. The music will come easy for me. I picture the chords in my head. Any that I can't figure out will come to me overnight. I used to lay down and nap when figuring out songs. Just before I would doze off, I would be able to hear all of the individual instruments, and I would know what chords were used. What a way to learn!

And, I wrote some chords down, and hope to remember how I did them (I did some notation, but it isn't technical) so I can repeat them. I think I can write some lyrics to go with them. Who knows? After 55 years, maybe I can really write a song!

Monday morning

Today, I will start a grueling regimen of exercise in an effort to drop another 45 pounds from my frame by the end of 2010. I plan to build a bit of muscle too.
Starvation forced on me by the government taking all my money is not part of the plan. If they do manage to get it all, then I will lose the weight faster.
I didn't win the Powerball yesterday, so I guess I will have to do things the hard way.
I report at 7am and will finish around 8, I hope. I may even take a shower there.
Then, I will come home and eat lunch.
Next, I will start working on my song list. I have a good idea of some of the songs I want to play and sing. It will be a multi-step process.

1. Is the song playable for me? Can I sing it? Do I sound good singing it? Do I like the song?
2. Programming the drum machine to play along.
3. Writing down the chord changes
4. Writing down the lyrics
5. Polishing it so I can feel confident.

Now in addition to the music, I will have to continue all of my other activities.

• I still have to paint the stairwell into the basement.
• I have to move boxes and set up the treadmill, total gym and weight bench. I set them aside for painting.
• I have to empty the back bedroom, and get it ready for painting and redecorating so my wife doesn't kill me.
• The grass is still growing.
• School van is coming up in two weeks or less.
• East Petersburg day is September 20.

I hope to be finished with all of this by the end of September, if not sooner.
My workout for now, will be every other day in the morning until I go back to school. I need to find another job, or start playing out for money soon.
I feel a bit overwhelmed, but I think that is the old/fat me. The new/thinner me can handle most of it.
Anyone have some drugs I can shoot????

The death of a friend

Ted Weber

I never met the man.
I never spoke with him on the phone.
But I knew him through his business.
My friend, Dave Marion, talked me into buying a set of speakers for an old amp he talked me into buying.
Dave talks me into doing a lot of things I don't think of doing normally. He is like that.
Anyway, I had no idea that speakers were really different, or how they were different, so I sent an email to the company he told me to contact. I told them I had an old Sears Silvertone 1484 amplifier, and needed speakers. I got an email back the same day, telling me the model number for the speakers I should get for it.
This amp was built in the 1960's by Danelectro for Sears. This is 2007 or so. Then, I checked the email and saw that Ted Weber himself had written it. I was impressed.
I have also sent emails asking other questions over the years, and Ted always answered them.
Can you imagine Bill Gates doing that?
Granted, Weber speakers are a lot smaller than Microsoft, but if you google his name, you will see hundreds of valid website where his name is mentioned, and even some where he actually participated.
All this, and he ran Weber speakers until recently (I believe his son is doing so now), and designed speakers, amplifiers, and other related components.
Ted was a very busy man.
There is something else here too. His companies service record.
If something broke on the way to your house, he replaced it, no questions asked.
He always stood behind his products. 100% no hassle. Just send him a note, or call him, and it was taken care of.
I remember reading on one of the forums that this one guy was having problems with his amp project. It was missing parts. So he called and Ted had the stuff sent out right away.
If you look at his amp kits, you will see two types of amplifiers.

1. Clones of the major amplifiers from the past like Fenders, Marshall, and others.
2. Original amplifiers designed by Weber. These amps had the most requested modifications that people asked for over the years.

Now, the original amps had to have a name or designation. So, Ted gave them names. Each one was named after his female family members. I think they were daughters or grand daughters.
Ted built amps for many of the big name musical acts over the years. One of his favorites was an amp made for Joe Walsh (the Eagles). He named it "Smokin Joe". He had two versions. One was the basic, and the second a little more powerful.

Ted liked to ask for other help too. He had my amp builder design and test quite a few new designs. One was called "The Gaylon" which is a steel guitar amp. Jamie kept me in the loop through emails so I could observe the process. It was an amazing exchange.
Rascal Flatts had asked Ted for an amp and they supplied specs for the build. Ted sent it out and through a back and forth communication of numerous emails, they were able to fine tune the amp. It took a bit longer than expected because Jamie was building my amp at the same time. Some of my parts burned out on the first try, and he had to beef up the B+ section of the amp. He ended up using parts from Rascal Flatts amp on mine. So, I guess that is my claim to fame.
I believe that Ted will go down in music history as one of the all time greats. He worked behind the scenes much of the time, and took very little interest in the celebrity that he could have had. He choose to focus on making the world a little louder one speaker at a time.

Before and after, the room that is!

For some reason, the pictures didn't come out in the order I wanted them to, so I'll just let them go the way they are. Not much choice, huh?
The green is the before and the white is the after.
I will have some finished pictures too when I can get around to it. The ones with my music equipment installed the way I want.
The carpet stayed on the floor, although I moved it a bit to center it. The flooring under it is ruined from a carpet tech who layed glue down to hold the "Kangaback" carpet we had when we first moved into the home in 1992. We had to peal the carpet up and it left most of the padding and glue on the wood.
When I win the lottery, I will have some laminated flooring put in.
The curtains are worn out, but they cover up nicely when needed. The windows in the house are almost new. They have security built in, and are double pane, providing protection from the heat/cold, and noise.
The basement has the original tile that was there from when my In laws lived here. The tile is worn out, faded, and ugly, but, it is also stuck the the concrete floor. I don't know how I will get it off the floor. I might just cover that up too.
Lots of work to do in the house yet. I have to repaint the rest of the house since the paint was new in 1992, and badly needs it. I didn't do the kitchen, so that paint is even older than that.
The bathroom needs everything. The electrical system is sadly lacking there.
Carpet throughout the house is pretty worn out too. Add to that the wonderful aroma left over from up to 7 cats at a time, and 2 dogs.
I can't imagine how far along I would have been had I been able to continue working at a good paying job instead of driving a school bus. Had I been in shape too. Oh well. I guess I have my work cut out for me.

Two steps forward...

I finished the studio today, as far as I can go for now.
It is functional.
I was fighting fatigue, so the work went slowly. I took a two hour nap this afternoon.
The equipment moved easily enough.
The little old laptop was a real pain. I'll be happy when they invent wireless everything.
I spent a full hour crawling under the table to unplug everything, and move it, piece by piece onto the new table.
I had a 6 foot table in the back bedroom. I still have that table and I love it......but....
I have everything set up on a 4 foot table now. That leaves me no room for the printer and the all in one. Right now, the printer is on the table, and the all in one is on a speaker cabinet, not in use.

I got up in the middle of this and went outside to cut the lawn. I finished 2/3 of it. I have been fighting a struggle between the old lazy me, and the new energetic me. I started reading what I was writing, and saw the old me, and I got mad.

I feel a little better now. A bit sweaty, but good.

While I was chugging outside with the mower, I made some other decisions. I will keep them to myself..... for now.

So, after everything I tried to do today and didn't succeed, I still made progress. I will play my guitar tomorrow.

The work out!

I went over to the Bariatric clinic this morning to check out the gym.
They have a very nice set up with everything I would need to torture myself, I mean, get a good workout.
The new Physiologist is very pleasant and seems to know what she is talking about.
She showed me the equipment, and let me get started on a treadmill that has one really neat feature in addition to all the latest bells and whistles. It has a fan! The fan delivers a breeze right to my face and made me feel as if I could go forever.
As it turned out, I only stayed on it for 20 minutes or so. I like to set the incline up a bit in order to get a more thorough workout. My legs are short, so 2.9-3.0 mph is about all I can do without jogging. I am not ready to jog although I've done a bit of it at the house on my treadmill. I get too sore, so for now, I won't jog.
Then, she showed me the elliptical runner, and I managed only 3 minutes on that. It did OK with my short legs, but I was really interested in becoming familiar with the machines, rather than doing a workout. Today was my break day. I needed some recovery time after working hard for the past 3 days.
I did work up a slight sweat, so that is good.
I plan to wear out the equipment in order to lose the last 45 pounds and have the energy to go back to work. I also have a treadmill at home, so I'll concentrate more on weight training at the Clinic rather than aerobic. I'll cover both bases and I'll share any insight I have right here.
If there is anything you do to get into shape, feel free to share it. I need all the variety I can get.
Kayaking will have to wait a bit.
Hershey Park? Not this year. I am ready, but I am broke.

My aching back!

Ok, it's time to put all the stuff back into the studio.
I planned to carry all the stuff I won't be using right away back down into the basement, so, it's going to be fun to say the least.
I have a ton of stuff to move and it should take me the better part of a day.
I have pictures of my newly painted studio that I'll post when I'm too sore and tired to move stuff.
The room I'm in now (the back bedroom) is slightly larger and has one fewer door. It has more room the way it is, so I will have to move stuff downstairs. No way out.
All in all, I'm pleased with the results. I did a second coat on the whole room, except for the corners and trim and there is a bit of bleed through there. I don't want anyone to think I enjoyed painting, or can do a good job at it, so I am going to leave it the way it is!
So, Saturday should be the day I start playing my guitar again.
I've been listening to my entire music collection while working this past week. I don't have a system in the basement, so I listened to the voices in my head when I was downstairs. It wasn't so bad, but I would rather hear the music.
Alabama is playing "There's no way" right now. I've listened to Tony Bennett, and various classical pieces. I also have my friend's various bands that I've recorded to inspire me.

Dave Marion has some of the stuff, but he has a band called "The Howling" right now that is really driving. My favorite band of his was called BRB. They were doing blues and old rock and roll. That stuff is not available right now. You can find it here. Look for DJLEE and my radio station. I'm not sure if the site is down for maintenance or just down.

So, my work is cut out for me. Time to go do it!

The Paint, The Paint!

I'm not done bitchin' about the job yet, but I won't put that here.

Whooo Hoooo!

I went back to painting and reached my milestone!

So, yesterday, I painted in the morning before my 9am. meeting, then I cut the lawn, and then, I finished the studio painting.

Man, was I tired, but, I did it!

Whooo Hooo!

I still have to finish the trim, which takes the small brush, and not much effort, just concentration. I figure that will take an hour once I get set up. I may have to do a second coat since most of it is just the green paint from before and hasn't been touched yet by the Kilz or paint.

I went over to the Bariatric office this morning. I seemed to remember them saying that we could drop in between 6 and 8:30 any morning until the end of the month and they would set up a program for us. I wasn't really planning on doing this yet, but I wanted to push myself a bit.
Turns out, I was wrong. No one was home.
So, I cam home and ate a gallon of ice cream to drown my sorrows. NOT!
NO big deal.
I came home, and waited until 10:30 to call them and set up an appointment to see the facility and get started on a plan. I start tomorrow.

A new job

This is my first thoughts on the subject so I hope you don't mind reading about my anger at being forced to change jobs.
The change has been contrived to draw blame away from anyone, so I don't have anyone to be angry at. This is the way it goes nowadays. I think they teach them how to do this in college. It should have a master degree attached to it.
Anyway, if I want to keep driving the school van, I will take a cut in pay.
I can't afford to do that, so it's time to move on. It doesn't matter that I've gotten paid the same wage since I started 3 years ago. It doesn't matter that I still have to have a CDL with school bus endorsement, passenger rated, FBI investigation, or any of the other stuff. I get paid less.
Now, in all fairness, I have wanted to stop driving for a long time. But, I hate having it forced on me. I still have issues between my ears that I want to resolve before changing.
And, I am a great bus driver.
I will have to work a little faster now. I am not happy about that, but, I have to deal with it.
Time to go cut the lawn. I finished the first coat of paint this morning. I have to do the second coat and trim when I get back to it. If I have the energy to do that after I cut the lawn today, it will be a new milestone for me. I can't imagine that, but I will try.

New ideas

One of my fellow bloggers pointed out an option for scheduling the posting of a blog entry when you want, instead of right away. I didn't really look too close at the options, so I missed that one.
I may use it sometime, but for now, I write when I get inspired, and don't really think too far ahead.
Our Bariatric clinic has expanded and changed over the past month, and the change is amazing.
I am on the steering committee for the support group meetings, and that is also changing, due to our nurse leaving the clinic and going back to teaching. The dietitian took the reins and made a list tonight that just made her job a little more involved. She is a stickler for details, and is notorious for getting things done. I wish I had that ability. I do, but only with medication.
They are producing a book now with everything in it to guide someone from beginning to end as far as the options and what to expect in Bariatric Surgery. Diet, exercise, pre op, post op, nutrition, side effects, and a lot of whys are included.
The difference now is that everything is clearly written out in one place, so you can instantly reference it. I have a pile of papers in a large shoe box that I used before.
There is also a new workout room, that I spoke of before, and it's free as long as you're a patient. All that is required is to sign up and show up.
I put the coat of Kilz primer on the walls of my studio this morning. It took hours to do the prep work and the paint. Kilz looks horrible. The green paint shows through, and I didn't have enough to do the whole room as far as the trim and edges, so I will probably have to do at least two more coats of paint on that, and maybe the whole room. When I finished, I was bushed. So, I hit the showers and took a nap. I was lucky to use the Central AC today, because the outside temp and humidity was way up, as it will be tomorrow.
Tomorrow, I have my first school bus driver's meeting in the morning, so I won't be able to start painting, and I have to cut the lawn because it is getting too long for the mower from all the rain we had over the weekend. I hope to start the painting in the afternoon, provided something else doesn't come up first.
I am also looking at a specific company for a job, and may end up taking a 2nd or 3rd shift just to get my foot in the door.
Life gets complicated every once in awhile. Well, maybe all the time. Oh, and I have to stop at UPS to send my wireless router back to Verizon. It died last week, and they sent me a new one.

Right on the edge

My purple amp is waiting for me!

Before cleaning the studio
The Eagle

We went for a short drive yesterday. My wife can't walk very far because she has some damage to her lungs from previous illness. So, I take her for drives where we don't have to walk very far, or can just stay in the car. She gets winded just from walking up or down our stairway into the basement.
It is frustrating for me since I really want to walk, and there is no one to walk with.
Add to that the fact that I'm almost finished with the painting for at least the next 20 years, and I want it now!
I have a ton of stuff that I need to move out of here next week. I also have a ton of stuff to move back into place. I emptied out the studio today, and loaded everything I could into the back bedroom.
When I am finished painting it, I will move some of the stuff back into the studio, and some to the basement for storage.
I will empty out the back bedroom so my wife can fix it up "her" way.
But, I want to be finished with it all now!
I don't have the energy to do it all.
I will keep plugging away at it as long as I can. Someday, it will be finished. Just think, a year and a half ago, I would have just let it sit. I probably would be dead by now.
I think that's progress......I'll get back to you on that. LOL

Meeting follow up

I was again amazed at the turnout for the support group meeting. Dr. Brader was supposed to make an appearance, but had other obligations, so Kristin, and Greg did a presentation instead. They were excellent as always, adding wit and comedy to the mix.
The talk was based on Plateaus and how to deal with them.
Now, we are going to miss Greg and Wendy, but they are being replaced by good people, so we will give them a chance, won't we? :)
Anyway, they used a new wireless mic system that worked out well when they figured it out. Everyone got to hear, even those in the back.
Speaking of crowds, you fellow bloggers will be blown away. I counted 13 people in the front row, and at least 10 rows of people. Take off your shoes to count, and that makes at least 130 people! WOW!
We had different groups:

1. Family/friends supporters
2. Pre-op
3. Post-op
4. Band pre and post

I guess there were more than 4 groups, but this time, we split into just two groups, pre/post roux en Y, and pre and post band.
This allows relevant questions to fly all over the place.
I didn't leave until after 9, even though the meeting was supposed to break up at 8:30. I saw people leave around 8:30, but many stayed longer than me.
I learned something, and will apply it in the next week or so.
I'll talk about it as it happens.

Hope and Change

I was asked the other day, if I was experiencing any emotional changes.
The answer to that is YES!
I, like other who have gone through the WLS, all go through it.
It's the roller coaster ride of a lifetime, believe me.
Other people look at me differently. They treat me differently too. They ask personal questions, they don't even know are personal. Some are polite about it, but some just come out and say it.
I don't see the outside of me. I only see the inside me. So, every time they ask me something, it catches me off guard.
I've developed a list of automatic responses, but sometimes, I don't have them ready and I stumble. That's OK.
In addition to all the outside changes, the inside of me is still the old me.
I fight with myself to get up off the couch. I can get up now instead of sitting there all the time, but, my brain is still programmed to sit there and do nothing. yeah, sometimes I'm tired, but mostly, I'm lazy. It's a battle to remember that I'm not fat anymore.
Then, there is the job.
I've been a bus driver for 34 years. I sit on my butt and watch the scenery go by. I get harassed by children, teachers, coaches, principals, and my boss. All of this while sitting on my butt.
So now, because of budget cutbacks of hope and change and the redistribution of wealth from the worker to the welfare society, my pay just got cut to the point where I will have to get another job. I can no longer afford to keep driving a school bus.
This change is a big one for me. I am trying to figure out what I can do for a living.

• I made a living years ago playing my guitar and singing, but that won't work anymore. They don't pay enough to do that.

• I don't think I could sit still long enough to teach guitar, bass, etc. The small room would drive me crazy. I like being outdoors in open areas. I hate being inside.

• I thought about writing my memoirs of my years of driving, so maybe now is the time to do that. I have been thinking about this for a few years now with no forward progress. But with threats of losing my house and other possessions, I have to go get a "REAL" job.

The only thing I think I'm qualified to do right now is work in a grocery store, or fast food joint and I would have to shave off my beard to do that. That's not likely to happen.
I am also DJ, but haven't taken the time or money to keep up with the music the past two years, so I would need an investment to do that. Plus, that takes time to build business.
So, as you can see, I have made excuses for every type of think I could do. I am fighting excusitus.
Add up the other problems, and I need to find a counselor, or win the lottery.......
So, does that answer the question?

Pictures of basement.

Anyone want to help me clear the rest of it out?

The fishtank ha sbeen promised to my son, but he hasn't gotten it yet.

The weight set belongs to my son, but he has no need for it, and probably won't take it anyway. I use it for bench presses, and leg work. The Total Gym is against the wall to the left. The wall behind it is the one that needs the second coat of paint.

Moving forward again

The room with the ratty curtains is the "studio" Notice the padding on the door for sound deadening.
The mural was put there by my Father in law for my Mother in law. It is torn in places and doesn't look as good as in the picture. Now, to the Blog entry:

My brain has a glitch in it. The defrag program has been causing me to wake up too early and I can't get back to sleep again. I hope this doesn't last too much longer. I have to go back to work soon and I need to be awake when I am working. In the meantime, I have finished the basement. With the exception of 2 and a half sections that need a second coat of paint. I can finish that tomorrow. In the basement this morning, I moved the large "credenza" up the stairs and out onto the porch to be removed for trash. It is in pretty bad shape. I had thought I could use it for a special project, but changed my mind. I also moved the weight bench and Total Gym as well as a large steamer trunk and cedar hope chest to the back of the basement, out of the way. I have a small bookcase that used to house a collier's encyclopedia. The books are in the dark room. I will probably try to move them out of here another time. The basement looks great, with the exception of the floor which are old tiles that are glued in. I was going to try to scrape them up, but don't need to at this point. They are dirty and worn out as well as cracked and broken in places. And....they are hard as hell to take up! I tried before. I will wait until I am really angry before I try again. I started to clear out the "studio", which is where I will set up my music equipment when I finish painting it. This is the one bedroom that we have been using for storage while I worked on the basement. Because of my fat, I wasn't able or willing to do this work when it needed to be done. As a result, there is a lot of dust. So, I started moving boxes and containers, and the rest of my music equipment into the back bedroom. This is the room that my wife will take over when I finish all this stuff. She wants a "sewing room", even though she really doesn't sew. She wants to pick the decorations and paint it herself. Which means, I will be painting another room before the year is out. I have to vacuum the studio from floor to ceiling, then roll the carpet and move it out in order to paint. I also have to take the blades off the ceiling fan and cover the rest of it with tape and plastic to protect it. That is the only light for the room, so I have to keep the assembly there for now. There are two windows in the room, but they don't get direct sunlight. They look out onto the porch. I have a few boxes left as well as two 19" CRT monitors that I can't give away. If you need one, let me know and you can come get it. They work fine, but everyone wants the flat screens now. My computer is in the room my wife wants, and has been for the past year. I have a large table and it is hooked to a DSL line that runs from the window. Our phone lines stopped working years ago, and instead of running new lines, I just connected directly to the line out the window. Now, I will have to hook my laptop into the wireless router and leave the router here until I can run new lines. My morning sleeplessness is because of my guilt and frustration for not doing all these things back when they should have been done years ago. I have nightmares about hurting people I love and care about, and wake up in a cold sweat. It takes me some time to regain my composure and start thinking rationally again. Today, I was supposed to go over to the gym to work out, but I knew if I did that, I wouldn't be able to finish the work I have here. I exercised muscles here, but didn't get an aerobic workout, or even an organized workout. That bothers the doctor, but I am not worried. I will catch up! So, while I sit here typing, and waiting for the pictures to download, I will drink my protein and feel good about life!

The end of an era

Well, not really. But for me and lots of others, it is a shock.
You see, two of our three Bariatric team is leaving. Actually, one has already left, and the other is going to leave this month.
They are both going to be missed greatly by me. I am not sure I would have undergone the surgery if it wasn't for them. I still get counseling and information from them.
I'm sure the information that I've divulged here will be spoken about at the monthly meeting. If you don't know who I'm talking about, you will Thursday evening.
Another team mate who was the front desk person has also left. She moved to a nicer climate, and I hope she is happy. She was a very bright light in the office.
There will be two new people taking over, and they are adding another person to the gym which will allow it to stay open longer to accommodate schedules. The gym is free as long as you schedule the time. It is quite extensive. I keep forgetting to take the camera with me to take pictures of the new facility. It is awesome.
Good job Dr. Brader and team!

Beans

I'm going to make my next batch of chili this morning after I get back from the doctor appointment.
I started buying the dried beans because they are cheaper and taste just as good.
I have one more step to add when using the dried beans, but I don't really mind because the beans no longer have any sugar in them, or other additives, and it's fairly easy. Plus, the bags have recipes on them and I can always use a new recipe.
If you have had gastric bypass surgery or lap band, and don't know how to cook.....LEARN HOW!
It is fun and relatively easy. It makes you think about what you eat, and re-enforces good habits. And, did I mention that it's fun?
So, here is how to prepare the beans. If you want, the instructions are on the bag:

• Get a large pot of water.
• Put the dried beans in the water
• Let it sit overnight
• In the morning, drain the water, refill the pot, and bring the whole thing to a boil.
• Let the beans go down to a simmer and let the water evaporate to where you want. If you are making soup, use more water. If you are making a stew or chili, let almost all the water evaporate.

Easy, with little intervention on your part. But, you do have to stay close in order to control the temperature and not start a fire or burn the beans.
Cooking is a hands on sport. Don't walk away unless you know what you are doing. If you forget, you might end up cooking the whole house!

Defragging

The brain is a very complex computer. It processes information that we use on a daily basis, and it has connections to a higher power that keeps itself separate from our everyday lives, but still influences us.
Like any computer that I know of, it has to be de-fragmented or it will stop working or even crash.
When it crashes, we go crazy.
I have always been afraid of losing touch with (so-called) reality, thus losing control of my freedom.
I have fought with myself many times to maintain that control.
Giving in to an overeating disorder that is perpetuated by society was one thing that slipped through the cracks of my control.
I don't have a problem with alcohol. I don't drink.
But with food, there's a real problem. Thus, I had gastric bypass surgery.
So far, it has worked.
WLS has given me the tool I needed to control a part of my life I had no control over.
Now, I can eat in controlled amounts and still lose weight. I have more energy, I feel better, and I have a real chance to get back to where I want to be.
I find that I am having trouble with other parts of my life now, that either weren't a problem before, or they were a problem and were just covered up by my food problem.
I have tried to find a counselor that i can talk with about it. I found one person I really liked, but they have been busy and I haven't been able to get an appointment.
I have tried calling centers in one day, and didn't get replies from any of them. I have a list and I should go down that list, but I keep putting it off.
My thinking is that if I can solve the weight loss problem, I can solve this problem.
I will keep on trying to contact a counselor either way, and hope that I don't lose control of my freedom.

Oh, and back to my defrag thingy:
Our minds need to defrag completely every night on a regular basis. That means a good 7 to 9 hours sleep every night. If we don't, we don't finish our defrag, can't get updated properly, and we slow down or shut down until we do get fixed.
This is a bit worse than throwing away an old hard drive, because we are connected to this hard drive, and can't get a replacement. At least, not yet.