Just Stuff

I found a new blog for me, but am not happy reading it. The writer is so negative and sour that it's amazing she can even be on the radio and sounds so good.
I won't mention her name. You can look for yourself.

Another situation:
East Petersburg Day is this Saturday.
I do the event every year. I enjoy it very much. Last year, I was able to wander around and take pictures. I didn't really do anything.
This year, I will be onstage and help with set up and take down. I will MC along with another guy who has done much of the grunt work.
The day is very long. This year, I will be there from beginning (7am or so), until around 10:30pm. That's a long day for young people. This old man is going to be very tired!
I promised to lend my sound system to Manheim Township Police Officer Littlehale for a "Teen Dance" starting at 9pm and going until 10:30 or so. This is the first time they are doing this type of thing, so I hope it will be a success. They were going to use a Boom Box, but I didn't think it would be big enough for the size of the room. So, I am going to set my (450 watts RMS) system up, and take it down, and hope they know how to use it. I may stick around to help if asked, and I hope their CD is good quality. My CD player has a bit of trouble sometimes with copied discs.

Next:
I am looking for help. I have the following needs:

• Counseling. I have an appointment scheduled for next week. This "shrink" is a Post Op that has about a year on me. She has experience with the things I have going on in my head related to the surgery and the changes from it. I am looking forward to speaking with her.
• Finances. I am looking for an accountant to help me decide what to do. I owe too much, and can't pay it back when the people I owe want it. This is almost bankruptcy. We can do 3 things. None of them make me happy. If anyone can offer advice, I would be grateful. I already have instituted some of Dave Ramsey's stuff, but I need more technical advice.
  
• Repairs to the home. There are things that need to be done, but I can't do them myself. Too technical and above my pay grade. Driveway is damaged and needs to be replaced. I can't afford it. I have the water lines installed, but I don't have the holes drilled to install an outside water line. I need two garden lines installed. I can't afford that either.
• Music/Job. I play guitar and sing. I would like to play again, but haven't been able to get off the ground. I need a friend to be by my side and help me stay focused. Ever need someone like that? My wife isn't able to help. I have my music equipment. I am ready.
• Job/Job. I probably need to get a real job to make more money. I am almost ready to work full time. I would like to drive a bigger vehicle (CDL Class B) since I have been driving bus for 34 years. I really hate driving, but wouldn't mind a regular route with good pay. A cement mixer, dump truck comes to mind. I can probably drive them now that I lost the weight. Believe it or not, I tried just before I had the surgery. I couldn't reach the pedals because my fat belly got in the way by rubbing against the steering wheel. My legs were too short. It's good to be able to reach the brakes when you need to. Take my word for it...

My weight has leveled out. I am down 101 pounds, and stuck for now. I am a bit upset because I only got to the gym once this week. I am going to try to get there every day next week. I am going to do aerobics 3 days, and weight training on the other two days. I am looking so much better. I still have a hanging belly, but my other parts are firming up a bit. I have a "farmer's" tan because I don't take my shirt off outside. So, my arms are dark, and the rest of me is Lilly White.
More later when I have time.

Junk in between the ears.

The link I posted was a book I read years ago that got me to thinking, and I believe it led me to where I am now.

Here it is again!

It is called "Simplify your life". It is a small book with very short chapters.
Some of it should be called "live dirtier than before" because it suggests you do your cleaning a lot less than before. Do laundry less, cleaning your house less, etc. Yes, that saves time, but I should be able to clean my house when I want.
The concept is to make life easier and simpler, which I embrace. I spend so much time wasted doing "busy" work, that it drives me crazy. So, I will adapt the ideas in this book to make them my own. I will simplify my life.
One of the things mentioned is to live and work in a place where you enjoy life. I don't like Central Pennsylvania for one reason:
The weather.
I dislike the humidity, the cold without snow, the snow, ice, rain, and did I mention the humidity?
I hate the way my nose is stuffed up all the time.
I hate the way I feel when it gets cold and my joints ache, even though there is nothing wrong with me.
I hate cutting the lawn and having the moisture waft up and make me feel like I'm trying to wade through mud and heavy air.
I hate the way it smells.
So, I want to simplify my life by moving somewhere that I don't have those feelings.
I was in Nevada a few years ago, and I loved the fact that my sinus' cleared up. I liked the dryness and the warmth. I even liked the heat.

I have adopted many of the ideas in the book, but unfortunately, my wife hasn't, and probably won't. She equates things to value and wealth. I don't.

I have a few things I value more than almost anything. But, I have gotten rid of stuff I store in boxes just because I hate the idea of moving them once more into another closet or the basement of another home along the way. Why have something in a box when I will never look at it, or use it?

Most of the stuff in the boxes has no value of any kind.

I once dreamed of owning a museum size home that had shelves in every room that housed everything I stored in those boxes so everyone visiting could see. I would invite people over just to look at the stuff I had on the shelves.

In order for me to own a house like that, I would have to have a total net worth of over 100 million dollars, with a steady income to pay for the place.

It just ain't worth it! Why would anyone want to see boxes of half finished blankets? Or some plastic plates, bowls, and utensils?

I have a collection of record Albums from my early years. I used to play them every time I was in my room. I played all of them over and over. Lots of memories there. I would like to take the time to transfer them all over to digital because there are songs there that will be lost. But, will I die if that doesn't happen? Nope!

I found 5 Winross trucks. They were collector items in their day and I got them cheap. 3 of them are a paint scheme that isn't used anymore. The other two are anniversary editions. None of them are worth what I paid for them, and chances are if I listed them on eBay or Craigslist, they wouldn't sell anyway. In the meantime, they are sitting in their original boxes, with their original plastic bags.

My wife has her collection of books. She has text books back to the 1800's from her Great Aunt who was a teacher until she was 85. I would love to have bookcases for them to be displayed, but I don't. So, they will sit in the basement on a shelf collecting dust.

She also has her college books back to 1971. Anyone want to see the amazing differences between computers now and then? A computer text book from 1971 is quite amazing. So, it will sit on a shelf collecting dust right next to the geography books from the 1800's. Even the library doesn't want them.

I gave away an entire collection of National Geographic Magazines last year. We had them stored on shelves in the basement. No one wanted them. A senior lady who was home bound got them. She is making scrap books with them. Cutting the pictures out and pasting them onto her scrapbooks to tell a story. Her scrap books will probably be placed on a shelf in her basement and thrown out when she dies. Sad.

My science fiction book collection went to a young man when neither of my kids wanted them. I gave them to him because I had the memories of every page of every book in my head. I still do. I can even quote from them. But, I can't stand the thought of them cluttering up my basement and not being read and enjoyed. I wish the young man many good memories, and dreams from them. Heinlein lives on!

Now, along with the other stuff, I also took all of my clothing to Goodwill. This was part of my weight loss milestones, but it also proved to me that I can live without them. I have new clothing, but I used the simple concept in the book to replace them. I only bought what I need and they are all variations of the same styles, in different colors. This saves time and money. It also makes it easy to get dressed in the dark since my wife and I have different schedules.

Now, my wife has 7 drawers under our water bed.
She has a pile of clothing on the floor.
She has the whole bedroom closet. I moved my stuff into the studio closet.
She has a chest in the bedroom.
She has a 10 drawer dresser of which I managed to steal 3 drawers for myself.
She has at least 10 boxes in the basement with clothes.
She has two 5 foot high piles of coats on the floor of the basement.
She has the whole living room closet for coats she will never wear.
Shoes? Oh yeah. Lots of shoes.
You can never have too many socks. You can have one too many socks, however.
I'm sure I've forgotten stuff, but can you imagine how cluttered her mind must be to have all this stuff?
I can, because I have gotten rid of my stuff, and I am feeling much better now!

I can't seem to convince her how much better she would feel if she got rid of the stuff and just kept what she needed. Oh well.

I still have stuff to get rid of and I will do this over the next few weeks. I have plenty of time while I plan my next step.

In a nutshell, to simplify your life, is to examine every part of your life, and eliminate the garbage, and do the things that make you feel good about yourself.

• You lose weight, you get rid of the garbage. You learn how to eat in order to keep the weight off, you simplify your life. You give your life meaning again.
• You clean out your abode and you get rid of the baggage in between your ears so you can see what's important and what's not.
  
• You decide what to keep and what to get rid of, and you take control of your life again or maybe for the first time.
  

I have read at least 1500 books, that I've also owned. I kept them in the hopes of passing them down to my kids to read. They read some and decided not to bother with the rest. So, I got rid of the books, but kept the words and ideas in my head.
I will be moving soon, and will probably lose touch with this blog and my other internet contacts because I plan on making major changes.
These changes are visible to me now because I simplified my life. I didn't see them clearly before because of all the junk that was clouding my vision.
My work goes on. I wish my good feelings, my new level of energy, my positive outlook on the future on everyone whoever reads this.
Stay tuned for new and better things for you and me!

Stuff and one book!

My previous post mentioned people's different ways of coping with their baggage and the reality of changing one's habits when it comes to eating.
I was using different people as examples, but not anyone in particular, I was even talking about myself, but I won't tell you which statement apply to any one person, even me!
I am not like the writer who fashions his character after specific people in his life.
My goal was to make myself important, sounding like I knew what I was talking about in a profound, slightly controversial way. I really have no clue. I'm glad I have a spell check, although, that doesn't always help me.
Now to the book:

Here it is!

This book is one suggestion towards making you think, and maybe helping you to kill some of the demons that made you fat in the first place. It has nothing to do with food or eating. So, check it out and maybe it will help.
I read it back when it first came out, and it helped me. Now, my life is less cluttered, and my wife is the pack rat.

I am starting to work on another seminar idea based on something I learned from a fellow DJ a few years back. I bought his CD series and enjoyed it immensely. It has information in it that applies to life, not only the DJ business, so I am going to adapt it to present to the Weight Loss support group in Lancaster this fall. I will also post the transcript here if I ever write it down. It should be tough for an ADDer to do that. It has been in the past, but I keep surprising myself.

This Sunday, we are having a Support group picnic. We will have covered dishes for everyone to enjoy, games, contests, and a "live" DJ.
As opposed to a "dead" DJ.
The live one is me! I agreed to play music for the folks, so they can see me as something other than a big mouth with an attitude.
I keep hoping they will hire me to coordinate the different events and the support group meetings, but I haven't asked them yet, and I'm not sure I qualify because of my lack of formal education.
I might just present my case someday soon.
Or, I might just pack up and head for warmer weather for the winter.

Commenting on other's work.

I read several blogs, and scour Facebook from a combination of fascination, Voyeurism, seeking knowledge, loneliness, and boredom.
I know some things from experience, some things from reading and studying, and some things from faith. There are other things I know from instinct.
But, no matter how much I do know, I don't know everything. I also know that I don't know everything.
I don't know some things because I don't have the brains.
I don't know some things because I don't want to know.
There are things that I don't like, and things I do.
Damn, now I'm starting to sound like some writer who's name I can't spell.
Facts:

• No matter what pill you take, there are side effects. There is not one pill made that doesn't have side effects. Not one. Ever. You have to decide whether those side effects are worth it.
• All surgery have the same problems. They all have side effects. You have to decide if it is worth it for you. My surgery to me, is worth it. I am willing to make adjustments in order to live my life well.
• Not everyone is happy with my surgery. I am referring to my many friends, acquaintances, and family. Too bad. That's the way it goes. I know that there are people around me that aren't happy with my political views, or my religious views. Again, too bad.
• My ears will always have hair in them, and I hate it. I just wanted to see if anyone was still reading this.
• All fat people have psychological baggage. Some, more than others. I know this because almost everyone has psychological baggage.....almost everyone. I haven't ever met anyone who didn't.
• We all design our own coping mechanisms. I have a whole slew of them. Right now, I am fighting many of them, as well as my phobias, dislikes, hates, and incompetence. I manage to hide most of these, much of the time.

Now, some folks think they can get rich quick on the Internet. I personally believe they can, if they do what it takes to get there.
It's not for me.
Some folks read tons of books on a subject they are interested in, in order to prove that it won't work. They study every angle, and do their best to prove it wrong, and then aren't satisfied until they tear it apart. I've seen this and wonder if they would only be happy if they failed to continue to lose weight after Bariatric surgery.
Some folks are terrified of the pain and suffering involved in any surgery, not only Bariatric. The truth that I've found, is this surgery, when done with a team approach, and education, is the easiest part of the journey.
Some folks don't qualify for the surgery with their insurance company, and still manage to lose weight. I know one guy who has lost over 100 pounds so far, and is so motivated by the support group meetings, that he comes back every month. I am inspired by his decision to lose weight and keep it off. He used the surgery, and didn't even have it! Wow!
So, it all comes down to balance.

1. Knowing what you want.
2. Planning for it.
3. Learning everything you can about the subject, and deciding what is fact, and what isn't.
4. Doing it.....your way. No one else on earth is like you. You decide how to do it.

Another Milestone

This week, I passed another milestone.
My housework and yard work became housework and yard work.

That is, I can now do the lawn and other things in the same day without wearing myself out.

I have done a workout in the morning, followed by cutting the grass, and then went in to shower, followed by doing my other chores, all in the same day.

I am a househusband for those who didn't figure this out before. I do the house work and cooking, and everything else because I am home more often than my wife.

She brings home the main paycheck. We have done this for years, and although she wants me to change that, I am not able to for several reasons that I will tell a shrink and leave you to figure out on your own.

So, right now, I am at the point of finishing everything I started at the beginning of the summer.

• I have to paint the stairwell in the basement, and then move the exercise equipment to where I want it. I can now run all the way around the basement without tripping over boxes, old furniture, and trash. And, I can see because the walls are freshly painted. No more dark corners.
• I have a pile of furniture on the porch that was formerly in the house waiting to be picked up and taken to the dump. I already got rid of the old refrigerator, water heater, and washer as reported in an earlier post.
• My studio is set up after being painted. I am in the process of trying to sell some music equipment in order to downsize my collection. I need a smaller sound system so I don't have to carry the large one.
• The back bedroom is ready for my wife to paint and design as soon as we get out of debt.
• I am working on a debt elimination program which should be ready by next week. Thank you Dave Ramsey. Unless I win the lottery this weekend, he is my last hope before bankruptcy.

When this post is published, things will have changed again, and I hope to have moved forward again. I hope your Labor day holiday is a good one.

BTW, just FYI, and off topic:
Today, I covered 130 miles in my school bus to transport 7 kids to and from school.

Yippie

I am typing this without my glasses, so please excuse any typos.
Yesterday, I went to help my friend move some of his heavier furniture into storage. He is cleaning out his home with plans to sell it.
His stairway is a bit off balance and is hard for me to negotiate, and most of his stuff was upstairs. I got a workout, and worked up a sweat.
We had to maneuver around a few corners too in order to get the bookcases and other things down the stairs, but we managed.
It all took about an hour and a half to load the van. Then we took it to the storage area and dropped it off.
We took a second trip to finish things off.
Then, I came home and asked my wife if she wanted to take a ride on the Helix with me. For the second time in her life, she said yes.
So, we headed for Middle Creek and their visitor's center, which was closed. But, that didn't matter since we wanted to see the butterfly/hummingbird area out front.
The bees were there too, but they were too interested in pollinating the flowers to bother with us.
Got some great pictures, but not of the hummingbirds. They were too small and fast for us to catch. They look like big bees to me.
I did all that yesterday. Wow!

Evolution of the support group meetings.

Last night, I did the "Ham".
I got up in front of everyone at the support group meeting and did a warm up act for the presentation while they were doing food prep.
The new office has a great room with state of the art audio/video equipment, including a number of HD TVs, a sound system with wireless mics, a large projector type screen, and a camera aimed at the professional kitchen.
They were supposed to have a grocery store come in and do a demo about fresh veggies and how to prep them, but they cancelled out at the last minute.

So, while they were scrambling with food prep, I did my thing.

The crowd was just as huge as usual. I keep thinking of how hard it is to get a support group together and here we have over 100 people on a regular basis. I should sell stuff there. I wouldn't have to work!

The meeting went well after I got off the stage. The camera allowed everyone to see what they were doing and the food got passed around for folks to try. Stuff was good. Squash, and some other stuff were sprinkled with toppings and baked. The aroma was worth the price of admission (free?).

I helped out where I could and when we broke into groups I wandered around and talked with lots of people about my experiences so far.

We have a covered dish picnic coming up and hope to see another huge crowd!

In October, we will be dressing up in our fat clothes to show off what we lost. I told them I could give them all a thrill by not wearing anything under them, but they said no for some reason.

Oh well, life is good!

Forced to write, yeah, right!

I am not being forced to write. I like to write. What I am starting to not like is to sit still.
I never thought it would happen, but I really don't like to sit down anymore than I have to. If you haven't experienced this feeling, I hope you do sometime in your journey to lose weight.

I went to my workout today and met the new workout guru. He isn't as pretty as the lady workout guru, but I am not there to oogle the pretty female.

I started out on the treadmill to warm up. Someday, I'll be able to learn how to work the damn thing. I decided to try a hill climb program, so I entered all of my specs as requested, and stated that I didn't want to go above 3.5 mph jogging or a 6% grade. I have to walk fast or jog at 3.1, and have no problem climbing hills now. A 6% grade is steeper than an old locomotive can travel. Most of them won't go over anything more than a 4%. I know this because I walk rail trails here and they are set to no more than 4%.

So, the machine starts out at a very slow pace. I increase the speed to 2.5 which is a slow walk for me. I want to warm up, so I start out slow and work up to faster speeds. Anyway, I do this for about 5 minutes, and the machine beeps to tell me it's going to change. I glance down and the machine tells me it is going to increase my speed to 4.5 mph. I exclaim "holy s***" and plant my left foot on the side rail followed by the right foot.
I then go to shut the machine down and start over. In the meantime, the gurus hear my exclamation and come running to help. How many gyms do you know of that people will run over to help you? Not any that I've been to.
Anyway, I reset the machine and end up doing 30 minutes at speeds from 2.5 to 3.5 at the same grades as listed above. They have an automatic heart rate monitor on the handles, so I watched my rate go up to 147, and I kept it there for most of the workout. I varied things to make sure I kept everything where I wanted it.
After I finished that, I did weight machines. I am working to help the gurus rewrite the papers so I can record my results better. The way it's set up now is not very efficient. This makes it difficult to see improvement.
I next went onto the elliptical and ran that for 10 minutes, again keeping my heart rate up around the 147. Since I had already done a lot, keeping my heart rate up didn't take as much effort.
Oh yeah, after each machine, I walk around a bit. If you haven't felt the effects of re-gaining your footing, you should try the moving machines! I walk around until my legs work again. Until then, I walk very carefully...and funny!
Looking back to last month, I have made much progress. I couldn't do more than 5 minutes on the elliptical, and no more than 10 minutes on the treadmill at much slower speeds.
I feel good!

The day before work

I have been enjoying the freedom to work at my own pace at things I want/need to do this summer. It's a privilege not too many people have, except for teachers, school bus drivers, and the rich. There are others also. I just don't feel like thinking too much about them right now.

So, I have worked on my body and mind. My mind is worthless (not really) and my body is improving. I don't know how much I have lost in weight since the beginning of the summer, just what I have lost in total. 100 pounds.
I have been stuck at 205 most of the past month. I have started working out, and still do more aerobics than weight training. I plan to do both in excess soon.

So, tomorrow I start driving the school bus again. Actually, on Friday, I started by picking up a student who is lucky enough to go to a private school. It is a very progressive school with a college type curriculum. The student seems smart and is very friendly.

I started out the beginning of last week with one route, as I said in a previous post, and managed to get back to a small bus that I can take home with me.

I now have 3 schools that I will cover for my district. I still don't know how many kids I will transport, or where they all live. I ran the route yesterday (Saturday) to see the houses on my list so far. I found out one thing that I don't really like, but it will be OK I think. That is, I have to go past the private school in the afternoon and take all the other kids home, and then go back to that school to pick the student up. This means a lot more travel and more time. If I could get them all at once it would be fine. But, the school doesn't let out until much later than the other schools. Now on the positive side, the private school has longer breaks during the year than the other school, so there will be times when I won't have to go at all. And that school lets out a whole month earlier than the other schools.

In addition to 3 different schedules that I have to coordinate, I have to be aware of the weather. If the home school district has a delay due to weather, then I delay. If they have off, I have off. This may cause some friction with parents, but I don't have nay control over that. You see, the home school district is quite a distance from the area I will be going to and that means the weather conditions may be different.

So tomorrow, I will go to 2 of the 3 schools to and from with 2 students I think. The other school doesn't start until September 9th due to construction at the school. They will also go until at least the middle of June since they start so late.

The fun part will be checking the schedule every morning to make sure which kids I have and what schools. Then, I hope I don't screw it up. Oh, I forgot to mention one student will be here for two weeks, and then has two weeks off. If you can imagine juggling with an odd number of balls, you might get a handle on this.

Did I also mention that some students will only ride home with me? I will drop them off at someones house because I won't have time to take them all the way home.

But, I get to take the bus home with me, so that is good!

Next:
I am starting to get serious about getting out of debt so I contacted someone to help me do that. I may talk about it in depth another time.

Next:
I am reading more recipes and am going to try something with beef or chicken in a stew that doesn't use breading, beans, or potatoes as it's filler. I want to be able to crock pot it so I can store it. I bought more containers for that purpose. Our new freezer in the fridge has more storage so I will be able to mix and match stuff. One of the ideas is something Mexican in nature, such as a taco mixture with veggies.
One more thing is that I decided to look into alternate meat, such as Buffalo. I've heard that it is good and lower in fat than regular beef.
If you have any ideas, let me know.

I left the stairwell for last in my painting project, so sometime this week I will finish it. I also have a few more things to move from the back bedroom and the closet. I could use one of those organizers for the closets, but don't have the funds just yet, so I will leave that alone.

And, I am still in the planning stages for my guitar/voice project. I think I will work on that too.

Other than that, I need to lose 10 more pounds this month and 40 after that before I can say I'm finished with weight loss and move to maintenance.

That's it for now.

To School with me!

So, after a little over a year, I am down 100 pounds from where I started, and my life is back.....again. UGH!
I was told about a month ago that my school bus was now considered a van, and that they could bring in anyone off the street to drive it with little or no skills, and a driver's license. Because of that re-assessment, they lowered my wage below that of a lowly school bus driver. This made it almost impossible for me to continue driving and still survive.
Now, on Monday of this week, my boss called me and asked me if I would want to drive a "real" school bus, because one of the regular drivers had knee surgery and couldn't continue.
We don't get paid for learning a new route, or taking the bus out for a test run. We don't get paid for a lot of things like supplying our own cleaning supplies, or a trash can for the bus. We also don't get paid for time to and from home to work, or for fueling up the bus on our own time. But, it's a great job and it all balances out in the end. There are many days where we get to go home early and they pay us full anyway. We also get lots of extra "gifts". The one I don't participate in anymore is that they take us out to lunch or breakfast. I have a series of sweatshirts, umbrellas, chairs, coats, hats, and other do dads from the company.
Are you following so far, or did I just ramble right off the subject? And what does all this have to do with weigh loss surgery?
So, they offered me the school bus run and I took it.
I took the knee surgery driver out on Tuesday to show her where the van goes. It's a long drive and covers a large area, so we took the van she is going to drive. My van...the one that I put 30,000+ miles on the past two years. It was fun.
Yesterday, I drove my new 84 passenger bus on a fun cruise to see how it fit through the back country roads of Conestoga Valley. Past all the road apples, and buggies, Amish farms, etc.
I hammered out some of the kinks in the route, and came home to write it all down in a turn by turn form to follow when I started this coming Monday.
This morning, I went out again to work on a new elementary run that they changed last night. It sometimes gets confusing. They did the change because one of the other buses was out of position and needed more time to get to their next destination. So they swapped me. It worked out better for me because my new ending point was closer to the garage, allowing me to get home sooner than before.
Still there?
So this morning I was finishing up the turn by turn and getting ready to hard copy it, when they called to offer me another run where I get to take the bus home with me.
Now, after all this, I am back to where I started at the beginning of the summer. I have a full schedule on a "real" bus that I can take home with me. This saves me 50+ miles a day of driving my car, and allows me more time to goof off, I mean, work at losing weight.
They also benefit because I have a turn by turn that I will send them that will save the new driver of the big bus from having to do the route.
I am also covering a new area this year, so I will be happy to have something fresh.
I think if this had happened before my surgery, I would have jumped off a bridge from stress.
For now, it's just another day I don't have to be locked up in a cubicle.
I get paid full, am outside, and having fun driving kids around in the country.
Life is Good!

Prayer and meditation

I do one, but can't do the other.

I have been working out for three weeks now. I am making progress, as I expected. The problem, is that things at home are becoming much more difficult too.
I have so many things to do that are just so much busy work that my mind is racing, and I'm not sleeping well.
I must be eating more too because my weight has gone up a few pounds. It could be water because I am drinking a lot with the heat and exercise.
I covered two miles this morning as well as doing about a half dozen upper body exercises. I hadn't slept since 2am so I was/am tired.
I vacuumed after I got back from my school bus job. I had to learn my new route and try out the new bus. I was on the road for about two hours.
I am happy to have a full size bus because that means I am back on the payroll and don't have to worry about lack of money.
So now, it's 85 and humid and I'm going to go out and push the lawn mower.
I need to play my guitar too, but I will be too tired when I finish. I will probably take a nap.
So, I think I've proven that extra exercise doesn't help my mental state. I feel like I'm on the world's fastest roller coaster........zoom!

What a difference.

If you look back as I do at the difference between me in the beginning of this quest, and me now, you will see that I still bitch and complain about things, but I am moving forward none the less. I still have aches and pains, but today I cut the lawn in the morning (9am to 10:30am), then took a shower and headed over to video
"The Howling".
I just got back.
I could not have done those two things in the same day a year ago.
Can you imagine ordering a cup of water in a bar? I did.
Mr. T's is a great place. It's very clean. The sound system is Bose. They have a real juke box, and they get live music and DJs in there on a regular basis.
Today, I went over to support my friends in the band.
They put an old car trailer in the parking lot, and set up their equipment and played.
Check out my Facebook (Look for Lee Feldman) for the pictures. I will put the video on youtube.
The Howling has a myspace page, so you will be able to see the other videos I recorded in a few days. I gave that card to Greg, the guitarist, and he will pick the ones he wants.
We all thought it was going to rain, but it held off and was hot and humid as August goes here in central PA.
So, I spent the better part of 3 hours hanging out, enjoying the scene.
If this was a year ago, you would have been reading about me in the Obits.

Milestones abound

I got up at 3 am. because my mind wouldn't quit last night.
It wanted to make me panic that I had run out of money and was going to be hunted down and shot, or something like that.
So, I got up and walked around. Then, I went online and surfed a bit.
When my wife got up at 4:45 am. , went and did some stuff I needed to do.
I figured I had a full day ahead, so I planned it out. Usually when I do this, I don't get everything done. But today was different. (Yesterday)
I finished everything I needed to do and then some.
I went to the gym at 7. I got back home around 8. I did a good workout and felt awake, but tired.
When I got home, I started in on the freezer and fridge. I pulled the old fridge out after moving all the food to the freezer, and cleaned the floor and walls behind.
Then, I started in on the rest of the kitchen. I had to move quite a lot of stuff, but I finished.
I was going to try to nap and then wait for the guy to bring my new/old fridge, but he called and was heading over, so I waited for him.
It took him about an hour to move the old unit out and the new one in. Our doors are too narrow, so we had fun.
When they left, I repopulated the new fridge after cleaning it and letting it cool down.
Then, I got my butt in gear and went out and cut the lawn.
No, I didn't. I took a nap, and then I cut the lawn. The whole lawn! It was 87 and the humidity was off the scale, so I worked up a sweat. I only stopped once for liquid and to catch my breath.
When I finished, I took a shower, ate, and then headed out to my East Petersburg Day meeting. I got home at 9 pm.
I almost forgot my online meeting, so I logged on and finished that at 10:30.
Man, was I tired!
So, I got to do everything I set out to do yesterday, and I actually finished everything on my list!
That's a milestone for me.
And, I lived to tell about it today.
Thank God I found WLS!

Oh my aching back!

It's from stress, and not physical.
As hard as I have tried, I am still failing.
My refrigerator died today.
So, as I always try to do, I found one from an ad on Craigslist for a relatively small amount of money.
The problem is I forgot that I paid all the bills this week, and I spent money at BJs for food and other supplies today.
When I went to check on my account, I found that I was going to be overdrawn. So, I went to another account and found out I was wiped out there too.
I am hoping BJs doesn't post the bill until at least Thursday. Otherwise, I'll be paying bills with money that isn't there.
I know the government can print money to pay for things they can't afford. Too bad I can't do the same.
I haven't been this poor for a good many years. I've always been able to provide for my family. It's killing me to not be able to keep up anymore.
Anyway, I got a discount on the fridge. I also got it delivered free because the guy is going to take some of the stuff off the porch, such as the washer, and water heater that he can get scrap fees for to recover his costs.
So far this summer, I replaced the Water Heater (I had to buy a new one at full price but installed it myself to save money), the washer ($50), and now the fridge ($100).
Two years ago I got the lawn mower for free. I fixed it up and am still using it. I also bought the washer and dryer before that for $2 total. Yup, that's right $2. I think I got my money's worth.
Now, I need to get myself a full time job to pay off my debt.
I'm trying. I really am.....

Workout?

My Physiologist had a pile of paper for me this morning. She was actually listening to me when I told her I wanted to get rid of the pain in my back by building my muscles.
She gave me a whole list of exercises to add to my routine just for my back.
Since I have a written schedule to keep track of where I am going, this will be fun for me. I can look back and see the progress.
I did schedule Wednesday and Friday already, but will have to cancel Friday because my Wife has a hospital visit and I have to be there for her.
I wish they had a 7 day schedule, and longer hours, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. I know I can't afford to join a gym, and I won't get the same attention there, so I will have to learn what I can here and take it with me when I can't go anymore.
I doubled what I did last week on the machines, but that really isn't getting me to work up a sweat....yet. I will continue to double what I do, and also try to increase the level of difficulty in order to work up that all important sweat. I did lose another pound or so.
I also found that I had to force myself to eat before going this morning because, I wasn't hungry. That's a strange feeling.

I am also looking for work.

I would like to write a book, but doesn't everyone want to do that?

I started to play my guitar today. I listed 6 songs I would like to try. I got the lyrics online, and will write the chords as a further step over the next few days. The music will come easy for me. I picture the chords in my head. Any that I can't figure out will come to me overnight. I used to lay down and nap when figuring out songs. Just before I would doze off, I would be able to hear all of the individual instruments, and I would know what chords were used. What a way to learn!

And, I wrote some chords down, and hope to remember how I did them (I did some notation, but it isn't technical) so I can repeat them. I think I can write some lyrics to go with them. Who knows? After 55 years, maybe I can really write a song!

Monday morning

Today, I will start a grueling regimen of exercise in an effort to drop another 45 pounds from my frame by the end of 2010. I plan to build a bit of muscle too.
Starvation forced on me by the government taking all my money is not part of the plan. If they do manage to get it all, then I will lose the weight faster.
I didn't win the Powerball yesterday, so I guess I will have to do things the hard way.
I report at 7am and will finish around 8, I hope. I may even take a shower there.
Then, I will come home and eat lunch.
Next, I will start working on my song list. I have a good idea of some of the songs I want to play and sing. It will be a multi-step process.

1. Is the song playable for me? Can I sing it? Do I sound good singing it? Do I like the song?
2. Programming the drum machine to play along.
3. Writing down the chord changes
4. Writing down the lyrics
5. Polishing it so I can feel confident.

Now in addition to the music, I will have to continue all of my other activities.

• I still have to paint the stairwell into the basement.
• I have to move boxes and set up the treadmill, total gym and weight bench. I set them aside for painting.
• I have to empty the back bedroom, and get it ready for painting and redecorating so my wife doesn't kill me.
• The grass is still growing.
• School van is coming up in two weeks or less.
• East Petersburg day is September 20.

I hope to be finished with all of this by the end of September, if not sooner.
My workout for now, will be every other day in the morning until I go back to school. I need to find another job, or start playing out for money soon.
I feel a bit overwhelmed, but I think that is the old/fat me. The new/thinner me can handle most of it.
Anyone have some drugs I can shoot????

The death of a friend

Ted Weber

I never met the man.
I never spoke with him on the phone.
But I knew him through his business.
My friend, Dave Marion, talked me into buying a set of speakers for an old amp he talked me into buying.
Dave talks me into doing a lot of things I don't think of doing normally. He is like that.
Anyway, I had no idea that speakers were really different, or how they were different, so I sent an email to the company he told me to contact. I told them I had an old Sears Silvertone 1484 amplifier, and needed speakers. I got an email back the same day, telling me the model number for the speakers I should get for it.
This amp was built in the 1960's by Danelectro for Sears. This is 2007 or so. Then, I checked the email and saw that Ted Weber himself had written it. I was impressed.
I have also sent emails asking other questions over the years, and Ted always answered them.
Can you imagine Bill Gates doing that?
Granted, Weber speakers are a lot smaller than Microsoft, but if you google his name, you will see hundreds of valid website where his name is mentioned, and even some where he actually participated.
All this, and he ran Weber speakers until recently (I believe his son is doing so now), and designed speakers, amplifiers, and other related components.
Ted was a very busy man.
There is something else here too. His companies service record.
If something broke on the way to your house, he replaced it, no questions asked.
He always stood behind his products. 100% no hassle. Just send him a note, or call him, and it was taken care of.
I remember reading on one of the forums that this one guy was having problems with his amp project. It was missing parts. So he called and Ted had the stuff sent out right away.
If you look at his amp kits, you will see two types of amplifiers.

1. Clones of the major amplifiers from the past like Fenders, Marshall, and others.
2. Original amplifiers designed by Weber. These amps had the most requested modifications that people asked for over the years.

Now, the original amps had to have a name or designation. So, Ted gave them names. Each one was named after his female family members. I think they were daughters or grand daughters.
Ted built amps for many of the big name musical acts over the years. One of his favorites was an amp made for Joe Walsh (the Eagles). He named it "Smokin Joe". He had two versions. One was the basic, and the second a little more powerful.

Ted liked to ask for other help too. He had my amp builder design and test quite a few new designs. One was called "The Gaylon" which is a steel guitar amp. Jamie kept me in the loop through emails so I could observe the process. It was an amazing exchange.
Rascal Flatts had asked Ted for an amp and they supplied specs for the build. Ted sent it out and through a back and forth communication of numerous emails, they were able to fine tune the amp. It took a bit longer than expected because Jamie was building my amp at the same time. Some of my parts burned out on the first try, and he had to beef up the B+ section of the amp. He ended up using parts from Rascal Flatts amp on mine. So, I guess that is my claim to fame.
I believe that Ted will go down in music history as one of the all time greats. He worked behind the scenes much of the time, and took very little interest in the celebrity that he could have had. He choose to focus on making the world a little louder one speaker at a time.

Before and after, the room that is!

For some reason, the pictures didn't come out in the order I wanted them to, so I'll just let them go the way they are. Not much choice, huh?
The green is the before and the white is the after.
I will have some finished pictures too when I can get around to it. The ones with my music equipment installed the way I want.
The carpet stayed on the floor, although I moved it a bit to center it. The flooring under it is ruined from a carpet tech who layed glue down to hold the "Kangaback" carpet we had when we first moved into the home in 1992. We had to peal the carpet up and it left most of the padding and glue on the wood.
When I win the lottery, I will have some laminated flooring put in.
The curtains are worn out, but they cover up nicely when needed. The windows in the house are almost new. They have security built in, and are double pane, providing protection from the heat/cold, and noise.
The basement has the original tile that was there from when my In laws lived here. The tile is worn out, faded, and ugly, but, it is also stuck the the concrete floor. I don't know how I will get it off the floor. I might just cover that up too.
Lots of work to do in the house yet. I have to repaint the rest of the house since the paint was new in 1992, and badly needs it. I didn't do the kitchen, so that paint is even older than that.
The bathroom needs everything. The electrical system is sadly lacking there.
Carpet throughout the house is pretty worn out too. Add to that the wonderful aroma left over from up to 7 cats at a time, and 2 dogs.
I can't imagine how far along I would have been had I been able to continue working at a good paying job instead of driving a school bus. Had I been in shape too. Oh well. I guess I have my work cut out for me.

Two steps forward...

I finished the studio today, as far as I can go for now.
It is functional.
I was fighting fatigue, so the work went slowly. I took a two hour nap this afternoon.
The equipment moved easily enough.
The little old laptop was a real pain. I'll be happy when they invent wireless everything.
I spent a full hour crawling under the table to unplug everything, and move it, piece by piece onto the new table.
I had a 6 foot table in the back bedroom. I still have that table and I love it......but....
I have everything set up on a 4 foot table now. That leaves me no room for the printer and the all in one. Right now, the printer is on the table, and the all in one is on a speaker cabinet, not in use.

I got up in the middle of this and went outside to cut the lawn. I finished 2/3 of it. I have been fighting a struggle between the old lazy me, and the new energetic me. I started reading what I was writing, and saw the old me, and I got mad.

I feel a little better now. A bit sweaty, but good.

While I was chugging outside with the mower, I made some other decisions. I will keep them to myself..... for now.

So, after everything I tried to do today and didn't succeed, I still made progress. I will play my guitar tomorrow.

The work out!

I went over to the Bariatric clinic this morning to check out the gym.
They have a very nice set up with everything I would need to torture myself, I mean, get a good workout.
The new Physiologist is very pleasant and seems to know what she is talking about.
She showed me the equipment, and let me get started on a treadmill that has one really neat feature in addition to all the latest bells and whistles. It has a fan! The fan delivers a breeze right to my face and made me feel as if I could go forever.
As it turned out, I only stayed on it for 20 minutes or so. I like to set the incline up a bit in order to get a more thorough workout. My legs are short, so 2.9-3.0 mph is about all I can do without jogging. I am not ready to jog although I've done a bit of it at the house on my treadmill. I get too sore, so for now, I won't jog.
Then, she showed me the elliptical runner, and I managed only 3 minutes on that. It did OK with my short legs, but I was really interested in becoming familiar with the machines, rather than doing a workout. Today was my break day. I needed some recovery time after working hard for the past 3 days.
I did work up a slight sweat, so that is good.
I plan to wear out the equipment in order to lose the last 45 pounds and have the energy to go back to work. I also have a treadmill at home, so I'll concentrate more on weight training at the Clinic rather than aerobic. I'll cover both bases and I'll share any insight I have right here.
If there is anything you do to get into shape, feel free to share it. I need all the variety I can get.
Kayaking will have to wait a bit.
Hershey Park? Not this year. I am ready, but I am broke.

My aching back!

Ok, it's time to put all the stuff back into the studio.
I planned to carry all the stuff I won't be using right away back down into the basement, so, it's going to be fun to say the least.
I have a ton of stuff to move and it should take me the better part of a day.
I have pictures of my newly painted studio that I'll post when I'm too sore and tired to move stuff.
The room I'm in now (the back bedroom) is slightly larger and has one fewer door. It has more room the way it is, so I will have to move stuff downstairs. No way out.
All in all, I'm pleased with the results. I did a second coat on the whole room, except for the corners and trim and there is a bit of bleed through there. I don't want anyone to think I enjoyed painting, or can do a good job at it, so I am going to leave it the way it is!
So, Saturday should be the day I start playing my guitar again.
I've been listening to my entire music collection while working this past week. I don't have a system in the basement, so I listened to the voices in my head when I was downstairs. It wasn't so bad, but I would rather hear the music.
Alabama is playing "There's no way" right now. I've listened to Tony Bennett, and various classical pieces. I also have my friend's various bands that I've recorded to inspire me.

Dave Marion has some of the stuff, but he has a band called "The Howling" right now that is really driving. My favorite band of his was called BRB. They were doing blues and old rock and roll. That stuff is not available right now. You can find it here. Look for DJLEE and my radio station. I'm not sure if the site is down for maintenance or just down.

So, my work is cut out for me. Time to go do it!

The Paint, The Paint!

I'm not done bitchin' about the job yet, but I won't put that here.

Whooo Hoooo!

I went back to painting and reached my milestone!

So, yesterday, I painted in the morning before my 9am. meeting, then I cut the lawn, and then, I finished the studio painting.

Man, was I tired, but, I did it!

Whooo Hooo!

I still have to finish the trim, which takes the small brush, and not much effort, just concentration. I figure that will take an hour once I get set up. I may have to do a second coat since most of it is just the green paint from before and hasn't been touched yet by the Kilz or paint.

I went over to the Bariatric office this morning. I seemed to remember them saying that we could drop in between 6 and 8:30 any morning until the end of the month and they would set up a program for us. I wasn't really planning on doing this yet, but I wanted to push myself a bit.
Turns out, I was wrong. No one was home.
So, I cam home and ate a gallon of ice cream to drown my sorrows. NOT!
NO big deal.
I came home, and waited until 10:30 to call them and set up an appointment to see the facility and get started on a plan. I start tomorrow.

A new job

This is my first thoughts on the subject so I hope you don't mind reading about my anger at being forced to change jobs.
The change has been contrived to draw blame away from anyone, so I don't have anyone to be angry at. This is the way it goes nowadays. I think they teach them how to do this in college. It should have a master degree attached to it.
Anyway, if I want to keep driving the school van, I will take a cut in pay.
I can't afford to do that, so it's time to move on. It doesn't matter that I've gotten paid the same wage since I started 3 years ago. It doesn't matter that I still have to have a CDL with school bus endorsement, passenger rated, FBI investigation, or any of the other stuff. I get paid less.
Now, in all fairness, I have wanted to stop driving for a long time. But, I hate having it forced on me. I still have issues between my ears that I want to resolve before changing.
And, I am a great bus driver.
I will have to work a little faster now. I am not happy about that, but, I have to deal with it.
Time to go cut the lawn. I finished the first coat of paint this morning. I have to do the second coat and trim when I get back to it. If I have the energy to do that after I cut the lawn today, it will be a new milestone for me. I can't imagine that, but I will try.

New ideas

One of my fellow bloggers pointed out an option for scheduling the posting of a blog entry when you want, instead of right away. I didn't really look too close at the options, so I missed that one.
I may use it sometime, but for now, I write when I get inspired, and don't really think too far ahead.
Our Bariatric clinic has expanded and changed over the past month, and the change is amazing.
I am on the steering committee for the support group meetings, and that is also changing, due to our nurse leaving the clinic and going back to teaching. The dietitian took the reins and made a list tonight that just made her job a little more involved. She is a stickler for details, and is notorious for getting things done. I wish I had that ability. I do, but only with medication.
They are producing a book now with everything in it to guide someone from beginning to end as far as the options and what to expect in Bariatric Surgery. Diet, exercise, pre op, post op, nutrition, side effects, and a lot of whys are included.
The difference now is that everything is clearly written out in one place, so you can instantly reference it. I have a pile of papers in a large shoe box that I used before.
There is also a new workout room, that I spoke of before, and it's free as long as you're a patient. All that is required is to sign up and show up.
I put the coat of Kilz primer on the walls of my studio this morning. It took hours to do the prep work and the paint. Kilz looks horrible. The green paint shows through, and I didn't have enough to do the whole room as far as the trim and edges, so I will probably have to do at least two more coats of paint on that, and maybe the whole room. When I finished, I was bushed. So, I hit the showers and took a nap. I was lucky to use the Central AC today, because the outside temp and humidity was way up, as it will be tomorrow.
Tomorrow, I have my first school bus driver's meeting in the morning, so I won't be able to start painting, and I have to cut the lawn because it is getting too long for the mower from all the rain we had over the weekend. I hope to start the painting in the afternoon, provided something else doesn't come up first.
I am also looking at a specific company for a job, and may end up taking a 2nd or 3rd shift just to get my foot in the door.
Life gets complicated every once in awhile. Well, maybe all the time. Oh, and I have to stop at UPS to send my wireless router back to Verizon. It died last week, and they sent me a new one.

Right on the edge

My purple amp is waiting for me!

Before cleaning the studio
The Eagle

We went for a short drive yesterday. My wife can't walk very far because she has some damage to her lungs from previous illness. So, I take her for drives where we don't have to walk very far, or can just stay in the car. She gets winded just from walking up or down our stairway into the basement.
It is frustrating for me since I really want to walk, and there is no one to walk with.
Add to that the fact that I'm almost finished with the painting for at least the next 20 years, and I want it now!
I have a ton of stuff that I need to move out of here next week. I also have a ton of stuff to move back into place. I emptied out the studio today, and loaded everything I could into the back bedroom.
When I am finished painting it, I will move some of the stuff back into the studio, and some to the basement for storage.
I will empty out the back bedroom so my wife can fix it up "her" way.
But, I want to be finished with it all now!
I don't have the energy to do it all.
I will keep plugging away at it as long as I can. Someday, it will be finished. Just think, a year and a half ago, I would have just let it sit. I probably would be dead by now.
I think that's progress......I'll get back to you on that. LOL

Meeting follow up

I was again amazed at the turnout for the support group meeting. Dr. Brader was supposed to make an appearance, but had other obligations, so Kristin, and Greg did a presentation instead. They were excellent as always, adding wit and comedy to the mix.
The talk was based on Plateaus and how to deal with them.
Now, we are going to miss Greg and Wendy, but they are being replaced by good people, so we will give them a chance, won't we? :)
Anyway, they used a new wireless mic system that worked out well when they figured it out. Everyone got to hear, even those in the back.
Speaking of crowds, you fellow bloggers will be blown away. I counted 13 people in the front row, and at least 10 rows of people. Take off your shoes to count, and that makes at least 130 people! WOW!
We had different groups:

1. Family/friends supporters
2. Pre-op
3. Post-op
4. Band pre and post

I guess there were more than 4 groups, but this time, we split into just two groups, pre/post roux en Y, and pre and post band.
This allows relevant questions to fly all over the place.
I didn't leave until after 9, even though the meeting was supposed to break up at 8:30. I saw people leave around 8:30, but many stayed longer than me.
I learned something, and will apply it in the next week or so.
I'll talk about it as it happens.

Hope and Change

I was asked the other day, if I was experiencing any emotional changes.
The answer to that is YES!
I, like other who have gone through the WLS, all go through it.
It's the roller coaster ride of a lifetime, believe me.
Other people look at me differently. They treat me differently too. They ask personal questions, they don't even know are personal. Some are polite about it, but some just come out and say it.
I don't see the outside of me. I only see the inside me. So, every time they ask me something, it catches me off guard.
I've developed a list of automatic responses, but sometimes, I don't have them ready and I stumble. That's OK.
In addition to all the outside changes, the inside of me is still the old me.
I fight with myself to get up off the couch. I can get up now instead of sitting there all the time, but, my brain is still programmed to sit there and do nothing. yeah, sometimes I'm tired, but mostly, I'm lazy. It's a battle to remember that I'm not fat anymore.
Then, there is the job.
I've been a bus driver for 34 years. I sit on my butt and watch the scenery go by. I get harassed by children, teachers, coaches, principals, and my boss. All of this while sitting on my butt.
So now, because of budget cutbacks of hope and change and the redistribution of wealth from the worker to the welfare society, my pay just got cut to the point where I will have to get another job. I can no longer afford to keep driving a school bus.
This change is a big one for me. I am trying to figure out what I can do for a living.

• I made a living years ago playing my guitar and singing, but that won't work anymore. They don't pay enough to do that.

• I don't think I could sit still long enough to teach guitar, bass, etc. The small room would drive me crazy. I like being outdoors in open areas. I hate being inside.

• I thought about writing my memoirs of my years of driving, so maybe now is the time to do that. I have been thinking about this for a few years now with no forward progress. But with threats of losing my house and other possessions, I have to go get a "REAL" job.

The only thing I think I'm qualified to do right now is work in a grocery store, or fast food joint and I would have to shave off my beard to do that. That's not likely to happen.
I am also DJ, but haven't taken the time or money to keep up with the music the past two years, so I would need an investment to do that. Plus, that takes time to build business.
So, as you can see, I have made excuses for every type of think I could do. I am fighting excusitus.
Add up the other problems, and I need to find a counselor, or win the lottery.......
So, does that answer the question?

Pictures of basement.

Anyone want to help me clear the rest of it out?

The fishtank ha sbeen promised to my son, but he hasn't gotten it yet.

The weight set belongs to my son, but he has no need for it, and probably won't take it anyway. I use it for bench presses, and leg work. The Total Gym is against the wall to the left. The wall behind it is the one that needs the second coat of paint.

Moving forward again

The room with the ratty curtains is the "studio" Notice the padding on the door for sound deadening.
The mural was put there by my Father in law for my Mother in law. It is torn in places and doesn't look as good as in the picture. Now, to the Blog entry:

My brain has a glitch in it. The defrag program has been causing me to wake up too early and I can't get back to sleep again. I hope this doesn't last too much longer. I have to go back to work soon and I need to be awake when I am working. In the meantime, I have finished the basement. With the exception of 2 and a half sections that need a second coat of paint. I can finish that tomorrow. In the basement this morning, I moved the large "credenza" up the stairs and out onto the porch to be removed for trash. It is in pretty bad shape. I had thought I could use it for a special project, but changed my mind. I also moved the weight bench and Total Gym as well as a large steamer trunk and cedar hope chest to the back of the basement, out of the way. I have a small bookcase that used to house a collier's encyclopedia. The books are in the dark room. I will probably try to move them out of here another time. The basement looks great, with the exception of the floor which are old tiles that are glued in. I was going to try to scrape them up, but don't need to at this point. They are dirty and worn out as well as cracked and broken in places. And....they are hard as hell to take up! I tried before. I will wait until I am really angry before I try again. I started to clear out the "studio", which is where I will set up my music equipment when I finish painting it. This is the one bedroom that we have been using for storage while I worked on the basement. Because of my fat, I wasn't able or willing to do this work when it needed to be done. As a result, there is a lot of dust. So, I started moving boxes and containers, and the rest of my music equipment into the back bedroom. This is the room that my wife will take over when I finish all this stuff. She wants a "sewing room", even though she really doesn't sew. She wants to pick the decorations and paint it herself. Which means, I will be painting another room before the year is out. I have to vacuum the studio from floor to ceiling, then roll the carpet and move it out in order to paint. I also have to take the blades off the ceiling fan and cover the rest of it with tape and plastic to protect it. That is the only light for the room, so I have to keep the assembly there for now. There are two windows in the room, but they don't get direct sunlight. They look out onto the porch. I have a few boxes left as well as two 19" CRT monitors that I can't give away. If you need one, let me know and you can come get it. They work fine, but everyone wants the flat screens now. My computer is in the room my wife wants, and has been for the past year. I have a large table and it is hooked to a DSL line that runs from the window. Our phone lines stopped working years ago, and instead of running new lines, I just connected directly to the line out the window. Now, I will have to hook my laptop into the wireless router and leave the router here until I can run new lines. My morning sleeplessness is because of my guilt and frustration for not doing all these things back when they should have been done years ago. I have nightmares about hurting people I love and care about, and wake up in a cold sweat. It takes me some time to regain my composure and start thinking rationally again. Today, I was supposed to go over to the gym to work out, but I knew if I did that, I wouldn't be able to finish the work I have here. I exercised muscles here, but didn't get an aerobic workout, or even an organized workout. That bothers the doctor, but I am not worried. I will catch up! So, while I sit here typing, and waiting for the pictures to download, I will drink my protein and feel good about life!

The end of an era

Well, not really. But for me and lots of others, it is a shock.
You see, two of our three Bariatric team is leaving. Actually, one has already left, and the other is going to leave this month.
They are both going to be missed greatly by me. I am not sure I would have undergone the surgery if it wasn't for them. I still get counseling and information from them.
I'm sure the information that I've divulged here will be spoken about at the monthly meeting. If you don't know who I'm talking about, you will Thursday evening.
Another team mate who was the front desk person has also left. She moved to a nicer climate, and I hope she is happy. She was a very bright light in the office.
There will be two new people taking over, and they are adding another person to the gym which will allow it to stay open longer to accommodate schedules. The gym is free as long as you schedule the time. It is quite extensive. I keep forgetting to take the camera with me to take pictures of the new facility. It is awesome.
Good job Dr. Brader and team!

Beans

I'm going to make my next batch of chili this morning after I get back from the doctor appointment.
I started buying the dried beans because they are cheaper and taste just as good.
I have one more step to add when using the dried beans, but I don't really mind because the beans no longer have any sugar in them, or other additives, and it's fairly easy. Plus, the bags have recipes on them and I can always use a new recipe.
If you have had gastric bypass surgery or lap band, and don't know how to cook.....LEARN HOW!
It is fun and relatively easy. It makes you think about what you eat, and re-enforces good habits. And, did I mention that it's fun?
So, here is how to prepare the beans. If you want, the instructions are on the bag:

• Get a large pot of water.
• Put the dried beans in the water
• Let it sit overnight
• In the morning, drain the water, refill the pot, and bring the whole thing to a boil.
• Let the beans go down to a simmer and let the water evaporate to where you want. If you are making soup, use more water. If you are making a stew or chili, let almost all the water evaporate.

Easy, with little intervention on your part. But, you do have to stay close in order to control the temperature and not start a fire or burn the beans.
Cooking is a hands on sport. Don't walk away unless you know what you are doing. If you forget, you might end up cooking the whole house!

Defragging

The brain is a very complex computer. It processes information that we use on a daily basis, and it has connections to a higher power that keeps itself separate from our everyday lives, but still influences us.
Like any computer that I know of, it has to be de-fragmented or it will stop working or even crash.
When it crashes, we go crazy.
I have always been afraid of losing touch with (so-called) reality, thus losing control of my freedom.
I have fought with myself many times to maintain that control.
Giving in to an overeating disorder that is perpetuated by society was one thing that slipped through the cracks of my control.
I don't have a problem with alcohol. I don't drink.
But with food, there's a real problem. Thus, I had gastric bypass surgery.
So far, it has worked.
WLS has given me the tool I needed to control a part of my life I had no control over.
Now, I can eat in controlled amounts and still lose weight. I have more energy, I feel better, and I have a real chance to get back to where I want to be.
I find that I am having trouble with other parts of my life now, that either weren't a problem before, or they were a problem and were just covered up by my food problem.
I have tried to find a counselor that i can talk with about it. I found one person I really liked, but they have been busy and I haven't been able to get an appointment.
I have tried calling centers in one day, and didn't get replies from any of them. I have a list and I should go down that list, but I keep putting it off.
My thinking is that if I can solve the weight loss problem, I can solve this problem.
I will keep on trying to contact a counselor either way, and hope that I don't lose control of my freedom.

Oh, and back to my defrag thingy:
Our minds need to defrag completely every night on a regular basis. That means a good 7 to 9 hours sleep every night. If we don't, we don't finish our defrag, can't get updated properly, and we slow down or shut down until we do get fixed.
This is a bit worse than throwing away an old hard drive, because we are connected to this hard drive, and can't get a replacement. At least, not yet.